AITA for telling my sister’s boyfriend to not propose to her?

A Reddit user shared a dilemma involving her twin sister and her sister’s boyfriend, who is also her fiancé’s younger brother. After overhearing her sister repeatedly say she’d never take her boyfriend’s last name if they married, she wondered if they were on the same page.

When her sister’s boyfriend confided in her about planning to propose, she told him what her sister had been saying. The truth led to a breakup, but now the family is upset with her for interfering. Did she do the right thing? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my sister’s boyfriend to not propose to her?’

I (28F) have a fraternal twin sister who is dating my fiancé’s (34M) younger brother (29M). My fiancé and I are getting married in September. My sister has made several comments about how awful my new last name will be. She has also said similar things throughout her relationship.

She told me that should could never marry her boyfriend because she just can’t have this last name. I told her that she doesn’t have to take his last name, there are plenty of women who keep their maiden name when they get married for various reasons.

She disagrees and said that she doesn’t want to keep our maiden name, she wants to have a traditional marriage where she takes her husband’s last name. Last weekend she went with me to buy clothes for my honeymoon.

While we were out I asked her what if her boyfriend proposed to her? They’ve been dating for 3 years now and my fiancé told me that his brother was looking at engagement rings. I didn’t tell her this but simply brought it up in regular conversation since we were shopping for my honeymoon outfits and she kept saying “I can’t wait to try on wedding dresses one day” and the like.

She told me she would say “only if you change your last name.” I told her that was really s**fish of her to give an ultimatum like that to someone who loved her and wanted to marry her. She rolled her eyes at me. So I said “seriously, would you really turn him down because of his last name?” And she firmly said “yes, I just can’t have that name.”

So I asked why she was even with him knowing it won’t lead to marriage and she replied “I don’t know”. I just dropped it. Yesterday, her boyfriend came over to hang out with my fiancé and pulled up photos of rings to ask my opinion on which one my sister would like. I told him the truth. She won’t marry him. That she will say no if he asks because of his last name.

He asked me if she told me this and I told him yes. He broke up with her today. He didn’t tell her why but my sister knows it was because of me. Now my aunt and uncle (who raised us) are upset with me and said that it’s going to be really uncomfortable at my wedding for everyone. But, wouldn’t it still have been if he asked and she said no? Should I have just let it play out?

Check out how the community responded:

fallingintopolkadots −  So I said “seriously, would you really turn him down because of his last name?” And she firmly said “yes, I just can’t have that name.”
Oof. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t think there really a way to win in this scenario.

Especially if he was hoping to buy the ring and propose before your wedding. Maybe if you could have persuaded him to wait until after the wedding… but then he still may have wanted to go ahead and buy the ring.

I guess it’s better for him to know that she wouldn’t marry him because of his last name (damn… she’s petty. And clearly doesn’t love him that much) before he drops a pretty penny on a nice ring. Whether they broke up now, or when he proposed and said “no” (especially if before your wedding), your wedding would always be awkward.

Sorry for the drama that’s happening now, and that the taint of drama that will consume the lives of being married to her ex and them always being attached. Oy. NTA

Trespassingw −  NTA. It’s not about last name. It’s about disrespect. She does not accept him as a person, but like a cartoon character judging him by his last name. IDK, it could be also genuine childish idiotism, which is not better. I hate such statements behind person’s back, he deserves to know.

XplodingFairyDust −  NTA you saved your future bil some major embarrassment.

GirlDad2023_ −  Not marrying someone just because of a last name is pretty harsh.

GothPenguin −  NTA-She’s acting like a husband is a prop not a person.

namesaremptynoise −  I’m gonna go with ESH. Your sister’s being pretty petty about this, and clearly she never talked to *him* about it, which means either she was lying to you about this for some reason, or she was leading him on. – AH

On the other hand, it was absolutely not your place to just flat out tell him not to propose to her and then repeat something your sister had told you like that. Whether this was petty or not and she was leading him or on or not, she said that to you in confidence and you just popped out with it the second he started showing you a ring.

The right thing to do would’ve been to tell him he should talk to her about this and see where her head’s at in regards to marriage rather than just straight up ambushing her with the ring, and then let her work the situation out for herself. You made a decisive move to insert yourself into their relationship, and it resulted in the relationship ending. – AH

Pokeynono −  WTF did I just read? She wants to be traditional and take her husband’s last name but only if he changes his last name to something she prefers? This has to be the most illogical thing I’ve read today. NTA if this is true, which I seriously doubt

Rickdick4663 −  NTA . No use wondering whether you should have said anything or not. What’s done is done. Some people are always gonna find someone to blame s**t on doesn’t sound to me like they were meant for each other anyway have a happy wedding and let them deal with their own s**t

coozehound3000 −  I had a co worker who’s last name was Fagg. I don’t know why I felt the need to comment this. Sorry. Edit: Point is, imagine going to a party with the family and someone says …. “Look everyone, the faggs are here”. Or being a kid growing up with that last name?

poochonmom −  it’s going to be really uncomfortable at my wedding for everyone. But, wouldn’t it still have been if he asked and she said no? Should I have just let it play out? Info: why did you not let it play out? Why was your loyalty more towards you BIL than your sister? Why did you rob them of a chance to have an honest conversation about this? (Either sister saying no and choosing to explain or them finding a compromise?).

And no, it wouldn’t have been as awkward at your wedding if you had stayed out of it. Because then it would have been two people on the two sides of the family who broke up. Not two people who broke up because the bride got involved.

Do you think the user was justified in telling her sister’s boyfriend, or should she have stayed out of it and let things play out naturally? How would you handle a situation like this with family involved? Share your thoughts!