AITA for telling my friend’s new girlfriend he was the reason she was ostracised and bullied at school?
A Reddit user recently shared her experience of telling her friend’s new girlfriend about his role in her bullying during high school. When her friend, Adam, started dating Cynthia—someone who was ostracized and bullied in school, partly due to Adam’s influence—the Redditor felt compelled to let Cynthia know the truth.
While her intentions were to help Cynthia understand the full story, Adam and their mutual friends believe she overstepped. Read on for the full story below.
‘ AITA for telling my friend’s new girlfriend he was the reason she was ostracised and bullied at school?’
My (24F) friend, Adam (24M), has recently started dating Cynthia (23F). The three of us went to the same school but we weren’t friends with Cynthia back then. She was a bit of a weirdo at school but people mostly left her alone because of Adam.
He only made sure she was left alone in the beginning because their parents were friends and his parents told him to look out for her. In our final 2 years, their parents had a big falling out and Adam completely turned against her.
I don’t know if he did it intentionally because it all started when someone made a comment about her to him in a group setting and Adam said something along the lines of “who gives a f**k about her?” which a lot of the year took to be a green light to finally be able to openly ostracise and b**ly her.
Adam did encourage it at times I feel by the way he would ignore her in front of people when she tried speaking to him but he mostly just let people b**ly her without acknowledging it. He was the popular guy in school so one word from him and it would’ve all stopped so I do think he intentionally let her continue to be bullied even when things got really bad.
When he introduced her to us as his girlfriend I just felt so bad for her so when I got the chance to speak to her privately I told her everything I wrote above since I was sure he hadn’t told her. All she said to me was “oh” and then she continued to act like everything was fine but I know she’s since confronted him because he’s blown up at me over it.
He said I shouldn’t have gotten involved and that he never bullied her or told anyone else to. He claims he wouldn’t have ever done that to her but I think he’s just rewriting history. A lot of our friends are people we went to school with so they obviously don’t want to be reminded of what shits they all used to be so they’re siding with him.. Was I actually the a**hole here?
See what others had to share with OP:
Gosc101 − I am bewildered by the reaction here. You told her the truth about how he encouraged her b**lying in the past. People sure like to keep inconvenient truth hidden. NTA
Illustrious_Bird9234 − NTA if my bf was my lifelong friend that bullied me behind my back in hs and encouraged outhers too I would want to know
shanna811 − NTA she deserves the chance to make an informed decision. Has he changed? Maybe but what’s to say he won’t say f**k her again when she needs him?
Cocoasneeze − INFO: What did YOU do to stop the b**lying and ostracising of Cynthia? Did you befriend her, or tell people to stop? Or were you just watching from the sidelines while she was being bullied, like Adam?
meeebs − At no point in your post do you point out that Adam actually bullied Cynthia in any way. You are trying to sabotage this relationship because he once mentioned he didn’t care about a girl in high school, and then ignored her sometimes? That’s it?
I feel like you made a bunch of assumptions from missing information and turned it into some story where Adam is some b**ly mastermind who had Cynthia ostracized on purpose. Maybe if you had anyone backing you up I may see your side. Yet none of your other friends seem to think this way. YTA
Dear_Tangerine444 − YTA – The three of us went to the same school but we weren’t friends with Cynthia back then. **She was a bit of a weirdo at school**. He said I shouldn’t have gotten involved and that he never bullied her or told anyone else to. **He claims he wouldn’t have ever done that to her but I think he’s just rewriting history.
If he had by been one of her tormentors at school why on earth would she be his girlfriend now? It’s called moving on/growing up not rewriting history, Seems like **YOU** are the person that can’t let who she was in High School go and doesn’t think she should be with your friend. Why is that?
issy_haatin − YTA – So he stopped protecting her somehow and you all, including you let her be bullied, but somehow he’s the big bad?
F**king hell, at least own up to your own awfulness .
Knightseason − From what you wrote Adam didn’t b**ly or tell others to b**ly Cynthia, you cannot control what others do. If others took it as a green light to b**ly Cynthia because of what Adam said, they are the ones in the wrong and not Adam.
Did you do anything to try and stop the b**lying, or were you just an onlooker who ignored what was going on? Or maybe you were one of the bullies? That would make some sense as to why you brought this up, you wanted to try and clear your conscience. For all you know Adam and Cynthia talked about what happened in private before they got together.. YTA
DenizenKay − Thats a lot of words to say you’re jealous they’re dating and tried to break them up by “doing the right thing” got to love the virtue signalling, even though you were there in highschool and never did anything to defend her or call him out when it mattered.. H**ocrite.. YTA.
KillerDiva − YTA. According to your own words he didnt b**ly her. Not speaking to her is not encouraging b**lying.
Do you think the Redditor did the right thing by revealing Adam’s past actions, or should she have let the couple move forward without reopening old wounds? How would you handle discovering a partner’s involvement in something hurtful from the past? Share your thoughts below!
