AITA for not having my wife buried next to her long deceased husband as my stepson desired?

A Reddit user recently faced a challenging decision after the sudden loss of his wife. While arranging her burial, he chose to lay her to rest in his family plot where he plans to be buried as well. However, his stepson argued that his mother would have wanted to be buried beside his late father, her first husband.

Despite his stepson’s wishes, the user followed through with his choice, leading to ongoing tension and a request for an apology. Read the story below for the full context of this difficult family situation.

‘ AITA for not having my wife buried next to her long deceased husband as my stepson desired?’

My wife died three months ago suddenly after 9 years of marriage. I was in charge of her funeral arrangements. We had one daughter together (f8) and her two kids from her previous marriage (m16 and f14) that I adopted.

I had discussed her burial spot with my stepchildren and told them I wanted her buried in my family plot where I intend to be buried one day. My stepson said she would’ve wanted to be buried next to his biological father and her previous husband who died 12 years ago.

My stepdaughter said she didn’t care either way. I didn’t want to disagree with my stepson on something like this so I looked into the cemetery where her previous husband was buried but found out there’s only one adjoining plot next to his grave and no plot adjoining the adjoining plot, meaning that I can’t be buried there one day.

I told this to my stepson, that I can’t bear to not one day be laid to rest beside her. I know she loved her previous husband deeply, but she loved me as well. And I’ve only ever loved her and only ever will. He didn’t agree and said she had always hoped to be reunited with her previou husband.

We were at complete loggerheads over this but in the end it was my call and I made it. He was so upset with me and still is. He earlier said he needed time to get past this and now says he needs me to apologize.

My stepdaughter thinks we shouldn’t be having this fight because it doesn’t matter what happens to anyone’s body once they die. I want to apologize to him but I don’t think I’ll mean it. Even now I think it would’ve pained my heart so much if I’d listened to him.

Check out how the community responded:

Phoenix612 −  Info – why didn’t you consider cremation and splitting the remains so you and your stepson both have your wishes granted?

RelevantSchool1586 −  NAH. There’s no right answer to this, but in the end, OP is the adult and it’s up to him to make this kind of decisions . Fwiw, the stepdaughter seems the most reasonable one in the whole family.

hellogoodcapn −  What happens when you remaery and die and your new wife doesn’t want to bury you next to your first wife, where does this madness end.

Mermaid467 −  Dear Everyone: Write This S**t Down. If you have wishes about this kind of thing, where you’ll be buried, etc, WRITE IT DOWN.

Trick_Delivery4609 −  NAH. I’m so sorry for all of your devastating losses.

Apologize and try to make it right with him. See about cremation and burying half with each? See if you can move prev husband location to new area if stepson says ok and you can afford it? Buy enough plots for all now? Plant a memorial garden in his parents honor? Ask him how you can make it up to him. 

His mom/ your love of your life would be WAY more concerned about the relationship than where she was buried.

Leading-Knowledge712 −  Have you considered that she could be buried next to her first husband and after your d**th, you could be cremated and the ashes buried in the same plot? That is what my husband’s family did when his stepdad died and there was no room for another grave in the family plot.

The cemetery was willing to put a flat marker where his ashes were buried since the plot already had a tombstone for my husband’s mom. His dad is also buried in the family plot, but when the plots were purchased, the family hadn’t taken into account that his mom might remarry after his dad’s d**th.

Villain-in-Training −  NAH. This was probably a topic which should have been discussed, but simply wasn’t. Having to make those decisions while you’re still in shock always leaves room for mistakes.

But I think you should apologize to your stepson. He lost both of his biological parents while still being a child. This is a lot to process and sometimes being angry is a well needed break from the everyday sadness. Maybe you can suggest to him to add his mother’s name to the headstone on his father’s grave. This could be a compromise that could help him cope better.

 

StAlvis −  INFO. after 9 years of marriage. My stepson said she would’ve wanted to be buried next to his biological father and her previous husband who died 12 years ago.

How long was she married to her previous husband? Did their marriage end in divorce, or upon his d**th?

ShamefulToots −  What happens when you remarry?

TheFishermansWife22 −  You don’t have to be sorry about your decision. You can simply be sorry it caused him more pain. You’re both grieving, but he’s the child. Just try and remember he isn’t supposed to always be right. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find peace in your memories. I’m so sorry you were faced with such an impossible situation in the midst of your already intense trauma.