AITA for adding cinnamon and fruit jam on top of a rice pudding without asking my bf?

A woman (39F) added cinnamon and fruit jam to a premade rice pudding without asking her boyfriend (37M), which upset him. He expressed disappointment, saying he wanted to eat it plain, and when she tried to explain, he accused her of being the one upset.

This pattern of his anger leads to her feeling blamed for situations. She’s confused about handling his anger issues and whether her action was truly inconsiderate. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for adding cinnamon and fruit jam on top of a rice pudding without asking my bf?’

It sounds stupid to me (39 f) but my bf (37 m) got mad because I did that. He said he wanted to eat it without me adding anything to it. I told him it’s only on top and not a lot – even showed him that I can push it to the side and that it’s only on the surface.

After snapping at me and telling me how disappointed he was – he told me that I was the one getting upset. He does this often when he gets angry about something random and I try to difuze/fix the situation & I’m told that I am the one being upset. I probably get agitated after he gets angry.

This time he told me that I’m turning it around and that he reacted to me. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. Family is aware that he has anger issues but he acts like it’s people’s fault for being s**tty and triggering him.

It’s tiring and I tell him that it is his anger issues but he almost doesn’t want to believe it. He thinks he’s being gaslit or something. He left the house slamming the door “because of me”. I don’t know how to handle his anger issues and how to not be blamed all the time for it.

Am I really an a**hole because I didn’t ask if it’s ok to add things to a rice pudding? It was a premade one too. Edit: more info — we have 2 containers of rice pudding and I opened one for myself but offered him some. Maybe he didn’t know we had two but still.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

andrastesknickers97 −  NTA this is so minor. The comments calling you an a**hole because you made a small courtesy mistake of adding toppings to the dish instead of adding them to your plate (even calling it g**lighting 😂) are bonkers.

Honestly, companionship shouldn’t be constantly walking in eggshells hoping that your partner doesn’t explode at the tiniest inconveniences. It’d have been perfectly fine for your boyfriend to just complain and ask you to not do it again.

Getting angry at every single small mistake someone makes becomes exhausting. As much as I love my dad, for example, he had this dynamic with my mother, and I feared I’d have to put up with things like that with my own relationship, until I met my bf. If this is frequent, I’d recommend you to reconsider being with him.

LurkerByNatureGT −  “ After snapping at me and telling me how disappointed he was – he told me that I was the one getting upset. He does this often when he gets angry about something random and I try to difuze/fix the situation & I’m told that I am the one being upset.

I probably get agitated after he gets angry. This time he told me that I’m turning it around and that he reacted to me. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. Family is aware that he has anger issues but he acts like it’s people’s fault for being s**tty and triggering him.”

I don’t think this is about the rice pudding. There’s not enough info in this post, but there are enough flags to worry. Please look at a few links like these and  see if more of the signs of emotional abuse sound familiar.

CouchPotato_42 −  INFO: So you had two separate containers of pudding and only added the stuff to one. So there still was one container left with nothing on it?

sourdoeloaves −  I can’t believe some of these other responses – it’s rice pudding, for chrissakes. NTA. He’s acting like my 2 year old when I give her the wrong color cup.

Hungry-Industry-9817 −  NTA, are you sure you want to stick with this relationship? Always having to walk on eggshells is tiring. That is no way to live.

majesticjewnicorn −  For those who have been here a long time… “it isn’t about the Iranian yoghurt”. There are bigger issues at play here and you both are not compatible in this relationship. Him, for irrational levels of anger and disproportionate responses to any inconvenience he experiences. You, for enabling this behaviour by staying with him. Get out, and get out fast.

Cheder_cheez −  If I’m understand correctly, you made this for yourself and then offered him some.  I have no idea how this could make you TA.  Either way, slamming doors and a full blown argument over something this small feels like there are bigger issues  

Gumby_Who −  That’s emotional abuse, you deserve better. HE is g**lighting YOU. Leave

Winter_Owl6097 −  NTA I’m honestly stunned at the responses here! Sure, he overreacted about the rice pudding but you stated how his behavior is otherwise… Girl, this is classic narcissistic behavior and you need to run/ I guarantee you, without a doubt, it will get worse.

Turning things around and blaming you and saying you’re at fault for triggering him.. Narcissistic behavior at its clearest. If he reacted likea normal person you could have said this is mine and yours is in the fridge..

Problem solved. But instead he had a temper tantrum and turned it on you… Something you said he does often.  Abused women get blamed for their boyfriend’s behavior too.. Do you want that to be you?  ( not all abuse is physical)  Research narcissists.. 

What do you think? Was she wrong for adding toppings? Share your thoughts below!