AITA for refusing to make my wife dinner since she will not make me breakfast?

A Reddit user describes a conflict with their wife over meal responsibilities in their busy household. With two kids in daycare and both parents juggling work, they had agreed that the wife would handle breakfast while the husband would take care of dinner.

However, after a month of inconsistent breakfast preparations from the wife, the husband decided not to make dinner for her one night as a form of protest. This led to a heated argument, with the wife calling him a jerk for not fulfilling his part of their agreement. For the full story, read below…

‘ AITA for refusing to make my wife dinner since she will not make me breakfast?’

My wife and I have two kids that are both in daycare. My wife will take the morning shift, which includes getting the kids up, getting breakfast and to the daycare. I handle the night shift which is getting the kids from daycare, doing dinner and starting to get them ready for bed.

Usally she gets home around 6:30-7 and the whole family has like 30 minutes together before the kids bedtime. We usally spend reading to them. She has to travel an hour+ ( depends on traffic)to work each way. So the kids are getting at daycare at 8 in the morning and I will pick them up around 4. I work from home and start around 7 and end around 3-3:30.

The issue is around brekafast, we agreed that I would make dinner each night and she does breakfast. She already makes food for the kids so it’s literally just making an extra one of what she is already making. For the past month she will either not make it at all for me, not tell me that it is done ( I have asked her to just give a general time but she keeps switching up the schedule).

One day the are eating a 7 in the morning and then getting dressed other days she is giving them toast before getting into the car. I have talked to her multiple time and explained that it is not considerate. We got into an argument and she told me I am home so just make my own food.

I explained I may be home but I am doing my job. Yesterday she didn’t make anything and I had enough. She came home and I didn’t make her anything for dinner. When asked I told her she is home and can make her own food. This started a huge argument and she called me a j**k.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reasonable-Sale8611 −  I think the problem here is that in the morning there is a deadline. She has to get to work on time and with an hour commute there is some variability due to traffic. So her priority in the morning will be speed. At night, it’s different, because you won’t get fired if you don’t get the kids to bed on time.

There’s just less pressure there. (Of course we all want the kids in bed early but it’s not the same level of pressure as needing to keep one’s job.) The other factor is that you are thinking of the kids as consistent units of work. That’s not the case. Kids in the morning can be very variable to manage. They don’t really want to go to daycare or school so they misbehave.

So you can’t just say, “Wake up at 7, make breakfast at 7:25, leave house by 8 am” because the children don’t agree. One day you give them breakfast at 7:25 and you leave by 8 am. Another day, you give them breakfast at 7:25 and you are still chasing them around the house trying to make them sit still and put their shoes on at 8 am.

Again, it’s different at night because, if they don’t put on their pajamas, all that happens is you have a little less time to Netflix and chill. It’s also easier to get their pajamas on because they WANT you to read them a book, whereas they DON’T want to go to daycare, school, etc.

By you getting kid duty at the less time-pressured part of the day, you are getting the better end of the deal. You also work from home, so you don’t have to contend with the uncertainty of the commute to keep your job.

By the same token, if she has an hour commute in each direction, while you work from home, and you each do 8.5 hrs of paid work each day, then your total work day is 8.5 hours whereas hers is 10.5 hours.

So, if you are being very precise about who spends how much time taking care of kids, then you are also being a bit sneaky to exclude her long commute from the calculation. Also, how hard is it to make yourself some toast or cereal in the five minutes before you saunter over to your computer and login to work?

Hopeful-Material4123 −  I think a different arraignment needs to be made. Because if she has to get all the kids ready for daycare, cook them food, make it on time to the daycare AND get to work on time…I am sorry but make your own breakfast, dude.

She has a large commute, and I am sure a busy day at work. Everyone is busy, I know. But that is part of life with kids. She would have more time perhaps to get you breakfast if you helped wrangle the kids.

I do not think it is unreasonable for you to help more with breakfast if you do not leave the house. Your comment to her was childish. Your wife is doing a lot just by the sound of this post. Maybe ask her how you can help instead of becoming an extra child.

Infiniteland98765 −  My god what a s**t show. First of all, I’m a father of 2 who also WFH for a while and now has a wife who WFH while I’m full-time in office. A tit for tat relationship is never going to work, either you do it as a team or you don’t do it at all.

Pretending you can’t make your own breakfast because ”you are doing your job” is obviously stupid. You wfh, I’m sure you can find 5 minutes in your oh so busy morning schedule to make your own breakfast. You’re conveniently ignoring her commute and the time pressure she is under in the morning while you’re not in the evening.

You WFH, you can do a little more. Just like my wife who WFH does a little more now and just how I did a little more when I WFH, because my life was a lot less stressful without the commute and constant time pressure. I mean this with the utmost respect, but you sound impossible to deal with. I feel bad for your wife.

Traditional-Maize937 −  YTA – mornings are by nature more chaotic and less regimented. Expecting your breakfast to be served to you on a schedule is bizarre, grab a banana when you wake up before you work. Punishing her by not making dinner is also bizarre behavior.

ILikeGardeningToo −  So she is in the road for 2 hours a day, and you work from home, and you are being petty because nobody poured your cereal for you?. YTA bigtine.

aphrahannah −  Info: you said she “wanted the morning shift because of her schedule”, but it doesn’t sound like that’s an optional thing. She arrives home long after the kids. Making dinner for the family isn’t really an option there. Why are you acting like this was a choice and not her only option?

NewZookeepergame9808 −  YTA. Holy crap this tit for tat stuff is not a relationship. Also yes, she’s on a totally different time crunch in the morning, and traveling a long way to and from work. Long commutes are draining. You literally work from home. Yes, you are working and that’s valid work.

But don’t pretend you can’t take a moment to grab yourself breakfast, or food any time in the morning really. I dont know a single wfh person who has zero time to even eat something. That’s absurd. Her days are extra long, don’t become an extra child she has to care for.

issy_haatin −  I mean I have literally done it for 2 years. And now they’re bigger and more of a handful in the morning, so that argument doesn’t really hold.
And wanting an exact time for breakfast, really? Ffs i’d be annoyed as well. So many things can go wrong in the morning.

If she says it’s at 7, and it’s not done, how are you going to act? One or both kids only need 5 seconds to ruin morning prep and male it so she has to redo everything.. Just get yourself some cereal.

SpicyMargarita143 −  YTA. Dude. You’re home. You can easily have a bowl of cereal in the morning while you work. She’s getting the kids ready and out the door. Dinner is very different. Don’t be like this.

keinebedeutung −  YTA. Something fails to add up in your maths. Also I wonder how you split housework, because it’s equally important. Besides, her commute amounts to 2+ hours per day, while you only go to the daycare centre? Coming home hungry to no hot food ready sucks, btw. You should have at least warned her so she could make other arrangements. This is just sick.

Do you think the user’s reaction was justified, or should he have approached the situation differently? How would you handle disagreements over household responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!