WIBTA for not letting my roommate have her “boyfriend” over at my house anymore because she won’t let him help me?
A 26-year-old woman has a roommate who frequently has her boyfriend over, which she doesn’t mind. However, when she asked if he could help them clear out their garage, the roommate refused, saying he’s already done enough for her.
The woman feels uncomfortable having someone live rent-free in her home who won’t help out. She’s contemplating whether to stop allowing the boyfriend to stay over due to this situation and seeks perspective before addressing it with her roommate. read the original story below…
‘ WIBTA for not letting my roommate have her “boyfriend” over at my house anymore because she won’t let him help me? ‘
I (26F) have a roommate (26F) who I’ve known for over a decade and we are also now coworkers. She’s been here for about half a year and ever since she moved in she’s always had a boyfriend that stays over (practically lives at my house half of the days out of the week) which doesn’t bother me enough to say anything about, but at the end of the day it is another person being over at my house all the time.
The issue that’s recently sparked up is that I messaged her and asked if he could help us take some things from the garage to the d**p so we can clear it out since my garage is filled with both her and my stuff. In my head, he has a truck and is a guy, so he would be able to help move heavy things and usually guys love helping women with this kind of stuff so why not ask, right?
She responds with “I’m not going to ask him to do that. He already does enough for me and it’s not his responsibility”. Now I’m not an unreasonable person. I understand that it isn’t technically his responsibility and I never insinuated that.
I do feel like it’s a fair thing to ask of him since he stays over at my house rent free. It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and unliked/rejected having people live in my house who don’t think I’m worth helping with things.
Yes, I plan on having a talk with her about this but I just wanted to get outside perspective to help me see if im being rational about this before I have the talk.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
StAlvis − INFO a boyfriend that stays over (practically lives at my house half of the days out of the week) at the end of the day it is another person being over at my house all the time. I mean… if he’s there **_all_** the time… Why don’t *you* just ask him *yourself?* Like, I do not understand why you’re using a middleman here?
Fievel93 − Wow these responses. You guys share a house. Your garage is full of garbage that belongs to both of you. You want it cleaned out. You asked if your housemates BF, who has probably seen the garbage, if he could help haul it away. You didn’t demand anything.
Judging by the living arrangements and her response, you’re probably feeling disrespected and pushed out of your own home. NTA, but if your “friend” is that angry with you asking for a favor (a freaking FAVOR!!), you may have to reconsider future living arrangements. Tough spot for you to be in. Best wishes going forward!
judgemental_t − What is the rent payment like besides you already taking less than agreed due to her circumstances? How does utilities work if he is there so often, does the rates go up and she is covering that?
If not, him helping you with household tasks like that in lieu of additional utilities seems reasonable. Either way, this situation now sounds uncomfortable and you should review the roommate agreement and see if you both want to continue on.
dncrmom − NTA tell her “awesome, you need to have your things out of my garage by the end of the week. If you won’t ask bf, I hope you will make other arrangements to get this done.”
No-College4662 − Your roommate says he helps her enough. I think he is helping her pay her rent to you and that’s why she doesn’t want to ask more of him.
MindingUrBusiness17 − NTA. You essentially have 2 roommates, and it is generally expected that all roommates contribute to the care of the home.
Grow a spine… ask him yourself and then dig deep and tell your 1 official roommate they can pay more to include the extra roommate and outline your expectations of home chores.
Honestly, I’m a s**iopath with high self-awareness, and I would have to control myself from taking advantage of you on a regular basis. It’s a compulsion I struggle with and a reason I can not be friends with mentally or emotionally weak people.
You strike me as both. It’s something you should work on to avoid people like your roommate from taking advantage of you throughout the rest of your life.
New-Assumption-3836 − You don’t have to force her bf, from the comments it sounds like she got too good of a deal and now she’s taking advantage $100 less a month than agreed upon and she gets a larger portion of the living space AND she has practically added a Tennant?
But she can’t be bothered to help you out? Kick her out and get someone who’s actually grateful for the favor not an e**itled b**t
Far_Information_9613 − NTA but why don’t you d**p this p**asitic thoughtless roommate and get a better one?
Mundane-State-7306 − You can’t force someone to help you. However you can let her know you will start charging her for storing stuff in your stuff in your garage if she doesn’t want to help move it. You also may want to start actually charging for that 100$ more in rent that you originally agreed to.
If she wants to talk about responsibilities, well then it’s not your responsibility to subsidize her housing.
Independent-Dot3623 − Id clear out my stuff and give her x amount of days to clear out her stuff or if you do it it will cost x amount for your time. Also if he is over there that often you should tell her he needs to be contributing to the bills as he shouldn’t be there for free. You offered her a place not him.
What do you think? Is it reasonable to ask for help in this situation? Share your thoughts below!