AITA for refusing to split my late aunt’s vintage record collection with my STBX wife?
A man’s divorce from his soon-to-be ex-wife (STBX) is almost settled, with everything but his late aunt’s vintage record collection claimed. His STBX, who admired the collection despite the aunt’s mistreatment, asked for some records, but he refused, seeing it as disrespectful to his aunt’s memory.
The STBX believes receiving the records would provide closure. He questions if he’s wrong for not sharing, despite recognizing his past failings in the relationship. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to split my late aunt’s vintage record collection with my STBX wife?’
My STBX wife and I are in the midst of divorce proceedings. We live separately, have no kids/pets/property, all our stuff has been claimed by the rightful owner. The vintage record collection in question is the only point of contention.
Now, I’ll admit my family’s mistreatment of STBX and me being conflict avoidant and not advocating for her like I should have is one of the main factors behind our divorce. I’m definitely TA for that and I take full responsibility. I know she deserves better. That’s why we’re no longer together.
My late aunt left me her vintage record collection. STBX admired this collection even while my aunt (who was among one of her tormentors) was alive. STBX has asked me many times if I would be willing to part with a few pieces from the record collection to give to her, which I’m not.
I refuse to do this because it feels disrespectful to my aunt’s memory. Even if her mistreatment of my wife at the time was uncalled for, why should someone she didn’t like get to enjoy her belongings?
But STBX feels like having the records from the collection that she really wants settles the score once and for all.So Reddit, AITA for not giving STBX some of the records from my late aunt’s vintage record collection?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Kris82868 − NTA. It’s a personal inheritance, not marital assets.
Individual_Ad_9213 − NTA. It’s your inheritance from your aunt. Your STBX has no claim — legal, ethical, moral, or otherwise — on it.
Temporary_Agency_599 − I am going to go against the grain and say NAH. I mean, you were TA for not defending your wife with your family, so yay, divorce.
I understand where STBX is coming from, though. I imagine it must have been very painful for her not to have her husband support her against a family that has mistreated her.
Yes, she may just want the records, but she probably also wants a tangible acknowledgment of the crap that she had to go through while being with you.
While you may not be TA, not showing any generosity with these records may be a reminder for her as to why she is better off. I know…
it’s from your aunt, and it would be disrespectful to her memory, but would it really? The collection is yours now, and at the end of the day, you get to choose what to do with it. Why not be a bit generous to someone you loved and hurt?
Witty-Stock − YTA You have no legal obligation to share. But, you allowed your family to mistreat her. And, you decide to further enable/perpetuate that mistreatment rather than part with a few records as a way of taking ownership of your failure in that area.
Be the man the next woman will want to marry. Because you ain’t it right now.
loverlyone − It doesn’t sound as if you’re particularly attached to any of the records or the collection. You, your aunt and your family were s**tty to this woman. Your aunt us dead and it doesn’t sound like she spread much cheer while alive.
Why not give her the records as act of good will? NAH but why not be generous and soothe some of the hurt?
bobbleheadjoe_ − You have no obligation to give them to her. It’s well within your rights to continue to choose your family of assholes over your ex wife. You can choose the people who mistreated your wife and ruined your marriage. Sounds like you did it your whole marriage.
You failed as a husband due to your cowardice and selfishness. And now you say you feel terrible and take full responsibility. This is your chance to apologize. To choose the woman you claimed to love for once so you can help her try to move on.
But you’re still more concerned about your dead aunt possibly feeling disrespected than you are about how you hurt and allowed your family to hurt your ex wife. It is your right to keep the records. And maybe you should. Prove to your wife that you are irredeemable. Show her that you haven’t grown or changed.
That your apologies are just words without meaning. She’ll be hurt but at least she won’t leave with any delusions about you being a good person with a bad family. She’ll be able to see you as you are, an a**hole from an a**hole family.. YTA
ReviewOk929 − Seems like a legal question for the precision of the judgement but morally, to me, your Aunt gave them to you…. so NTA
rheasilva − So, yeah you’re not legally required to give your ex a few of the records. But you spent your entire marriage letting your AH family abuse your wife, & now you’re getting divorced and you’re more concerned about whether a dead woman is being “disrespected” than your ex (an actual live woman).
Once again you’re putting your crappy family above her… I can see why you’re getting divorced. Yeah, you don’t *have to* give her any of the collection. But if there are a few specific records that she’s expressed interest in, maybe give her 1-2 of those as a gesture of goodwill. God knows it’d probably be the only goodwill she’s ever had from anyone in your family.
FoilWingBass − “Even if her mistreatment of my wife at the time was uncalled for, why should someone she didn’t like get to enjoy her belongings?” Because her treatment of your wife was uncalled for and because you were a d**k and didn’t defend her, that’s why. As you have described the situation, YTA.
Should he part with the records for closure, or is it fair to honor his aunt’s wishes? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!
