WIBTA if I bought a car my wife couldn’t drive?
A Reddit user is facing a dilemma as he contemplates buying a manual transmission car, a long-time desire of his, despite his wife’s objections. With her being seven months pregnant and recently purchasing her own SUV, she views the new car as impractical since she wouldn’t be able to drive it in an emergency.
While he’s eager to fulfill his wish and believes the car would meet their family’s needs, the couple has been at odds over the decision. After several arguments and misunderstandings, he wonders if it would be wrong to go ahead with the purchase without her support.
‘ WIBTA if I bought a car my wife couldn’t drive?’
WIBTA if I bought a car my wife can’t drive? I need to buy a new car, and I would love to have a manual transmission. It’s my one non-negotiable. I grew up driving manual, and I miss it deeply. All of my cars have been inherited, so I’ve never had a say in my car’s features/specs. This will be the first car I’ve purchased for myself.
Finally, I’m a “car guy.” I enjoy driving, and I’ve always wanted a sporty car, but also have it fit my needs. My wife is 7 months pregnant and bought herself a new mid-size SUV last year (with her own money). She views cars as a way of getting from A to B, with practically and comfort.
Note: we have to park our cars back-to-front in our gravel driveway, with one car being in the garage. I will widen the driveway, which I can do it in a weekend, so we can park our cars side-by-side.
We have mostly separate finances, but have a joint CC and checking account, which we both contribute to monthly. The rest is our personal money that we keep in personal bank accounts (including separate savings and separate investments).
I’m paying the down payment and monthly payments on the new car. So I feel the decision is mine, but happy to listen to my wife’s thoughts (reciprocation from her car purchase).
When I started the car buying process, I went with sport compacts (which are in my budget). Based on our prior discussions, the car has to be a daily commuter for me, allow me to take the kid(s) to/from Daycare, and quick local trips.
My wife thinks these cars are too small and cannot fit our needs with a baby and a potential second child. She says there’s not enough space for kids stuff (there is) and the backseats won’t fit two backward-facing car seats (they will). I’ve tried to show her my research, but she refused to watch the videos or read the articles I’ve bookmarked.
Her main sticking point is she won’t be able to drive it because it’s a manual. She’s concerned she won’t be able to drive it when she’ll need to (in an emergency). I told her I’m happy to teach her manual, but at first she flat out refused to learn. Now she says she’ll learn, but gives an excuse of how we’ll be too busy.
I said if it’s that important she drive the car, her mom can stay for a weekend to watch the baby and we can take a day for her to learn. Again, she said we won’t have time. Every time we discuss it, she accuses me of ignoring our family and that she needs to be able to drive the car.
I say she’s creating a false dichotomy, and the car I want can fit our needs. I also argue that her car can be the big family car for trips or hauling, and my car can be for easy parking during city trips or sports events. Note: I don’t drink, so I will always be able to drive.
We’ve had many arguments over this. The most recent resulted in her giving me the cold shoulder for 2 days. I am at my wits end and ready to buy without her blessing. WIBTA if I ignored my wife’s objections and got the car I wanted?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Unique-Assumption619 − INFO: this car can fit a stroller, two car seats, diaper bag, and comfortably sit you and your wife? Also, it’s s**tty when one car has to accumulate all the miles for long road trips, it’s inequitable.
“Trips to the city” isn’t equivalent of taking the other car 1,000 miles round trip. You’re not wrong for wanting a manual and she’s wrong for limiting that only because she can’t drive it but it won’t actually fit your family’s needs.
trinatr − Anyone else’s ears perked up with the comment about tandem parking and he ” will pour the concrete over a weekend”? How many weekends has he been putting off this task? She’s 7 months pregnant, she’s hormonal, she’s probably dealing with some limited movement, AND she’s likely deep into nesting!
Go ahead and pour the parking pad, then revisit the car discussion. If he has a history of putting off tasks ( who among us doesn’t?) she MAY be panicking at a survival level… her car stuck behind a car she can’t move, baby in need…. hormones are strong, nesting and survival instincts are real!
JeepersCreepers74 − I sooo understand, but I’ve got to go with YTA if it’s your family’s second car. Things are not purchased for you or your wife anymore, the overall family dynamic has to be the primary consideration.
Even if you take a day and teach her how to drive stick, she’s not going to get enough day-to-day practice to be really comfortable with it. If there is a car or a medical emergency where she has to drive it, it will only add to an otherwise stressful situation.
But consider this: Get a lower-priced, family friendly compact car with four doors and automatic transmission, then use the remainder to buy a third car that’s just your hobby car–probably an older car or a fixer. If you widen the driveway as you propose, you will have room for three cars.
And if your wife complains that this is not a family-friendly decision, you can point out that a family with three cars never has to worry about what the kids will drive when they’re older.
cpagali − Here’s the thing. She chose her car with the family in mind, not herself. And it will be used as such. It’s not equitable for her money to be used for the”family” car and for you to have “your” car. I appreciate your attempt to find a sporty car that can carry a couple of kids. But you would only be N.T.A.
in this scenario if you could confidently promise that you will never **never** get nervous or upset whenever she stalls the car, grinds the gears, shifts at different times than you would choose to shift, or otherwise drives it differently than you would. I’ve never met a car guy who could make a promise like that.
If you’re like most car guys, this vehicle will always be your toy first and your family’s car second. That’s not fair. And it’s a recipe for ongoing stress at a time when your family is already on the verge of other major life changes. I see three solutions to make this situation more equitable..
1. Buy a family car.
2. Buy both a personal car and a family car.
3. Buy a personal car and buy half of her family car.
All of these approaches will ensure that the two of you contribute equally to assets intended for family use. It will also ensure that no one but you will ever need to use your personal asset.
[Reddit User] − Gonna have to say YTA. If this is the second car for the family and your wife can’t drive it, that sucks. My husband also has a manual but it’s our 3rd vehicle so we each have one car that is usable for both people. What if her car is in the shop and she has to take the baby to the hospital?
I definitely get wanting your own car to be a manual but it kinda blows she can’t drive it. And now probably isn’t the time the learn. I’m 8 months pregnant and can barely fit behind the wheel of the truck and I don’t really feel like learning how to drive it. But that’s just me idk
Lemon_Drop_Serenade − She’s 7 months pregnant. Trust me, learning to drive manual is below the bottom of her list of important things in her life right now. And it’s not a realistic ask.
It’s honestly not the time of life when manual versus automatic transmission matters. Get a car that works for the family as a whole right now. You’ll realize in 2 months that daddy’s and mommy’s toys are gonna be on the back burner for a bit.
IrrelevantManatee − YTA. It’s sad, but when you have a family, they come first. And there is no way a compact sport car can fit **comfortably** 2 backward facing car seats. You’ll end up driving with your knees stuck in the steering wheel. And your wife won’t be able to comfortable drive it.
You can show her, but without practice, she’ll never be comfortable driving it. And there WILL be moments where she will have to. Do like people usually do, wait until the kids goes to college before starting your mid-life crisis. Sports car don’t fit with family life.
Will0JP − Hey head’s up. In 2 months time, your life is about to DRASTICALLY change. You’ll both be sleep deprived and exhausted. She might be recovering from a C-section, any number of birth complications, and there’s a slim chance she might not survive the birthing process.
Is this REALLY the time to be arguing about you getting a car for YOU? You’ve got to prepare for the changes in your family. Make things as absolutely easy for BOTH of you as possible (especially her, because let’s face it, she’s the one going through the major pain/exhaustion/risk to her life etc).
I know she has the SUV, but getting another car that she can’t drive (or expecting her to learn when she’s already going to have her hands full with birth recovery/sleep deprivation/caring for an infant) just isn’t a good idea.
Can you at least hold off on getting yourself a new car until you’re a few months into the New-Parent stage? You might find your priorities have shifted, based on how the birthing and early months of parenting goes.
(For example, you say urgent care is walking distance: not if you can’t walk from birthing complications. Not if your infant stops breathing: you’re not going to walk, you’re going to drive, and if the SUV is in the shop, then where will she be??)
Skyward93 − YTA-She’s not wrong that your car isn’t helping the family and you’re basically getting a car for yourself. My husband has a manual car that I cannot drive. He doesn’t want to teach me stick bc it’s a beater car used to get from point A to point B and he thinks teaching me will kill the car.
We don’t have the money get another car at the moment but it basically puts all of the pressure on my car to be the main car. I feel like if you could afford three cars and just had one as a fun car it wouldn‘t matter. You will have two cars you can use but your wife only has the one.
Successful_Jury_9952 − Yta, I get that this is something you would really like but the reality is that you have a family to think about and you have to be practical. Your wife is right, there are so many occasions that crop up where couples need to switch cars. Not to sound harsh but having a car that fits you families needs is far far more important that you wanting to drive manual.
Is the user justified in pursuing his dream car, even if it means disregarding his wife’s concerns? Or is he being inconsiderate by choosing a car that she cannot drive, especially as they prepare for a growing family? How would you approach this situation in your relationship? Share your thoughts below!
