AITA for screaming at my husband that he’s a ‘peice of s**t’ while we’re all sick?
A Redditor finds themselves in a heated moment while dealing with a nasty stomach flu that has hit their entire family. With two young kids at home, the stress and exhaustion have reached a boiling point. After feeling ignored by their husband during a chaotic time, they lash out in frustration, calling him a “piece of shit” in front of their children
Now, they’re grappling with feelings of guilt and anger, unsure of how to address the situation or their partner’s lack of support. Read on to see if you think they crossed the line.
‘ AITA for screaming at my husband that he’s a ‘peice of s**t’ while we’re all sick?’
I’ll try to keep it short. I feel like s**t. Throwaway because he uses reddit. We are in our mid 30s with two kids under three (6 month old and 2.5 year old).
So we’re all hit with a n**ty stomach flu. First the baby vomiting and diarrhea around the clock, and now the toddler and the both of us.
I’ve been sleeping maybe 2 hours a night for the last 3 days. To say this has been the worst I’ve felt physically and mentally is an understatement but my job as their mom doesn’t stop, so I’m powering through. We all have the same virus. We are all having the same symptoms.
I was in the kitchen cleaning bottles and making the toddler some soup because she has been vomiting all night. I asked my husband to take the baby out of a standing station and place him sitting on the ground with some toys. He heard me but ignored me as he continued to groan on the couch.
I didn’t repeat myself. Finally he put the baby down on his back which he hasn’t been happy about. I told him to put the baby sitting up right. He heard and said the baby is fine, to which I said, no he’ll cry. He ignored it and when back to the couch. The baby started fussing and I just lost it.
I called him a piece of s**t. I screamed that he’d let me down as my partner in every single way. In front of our kids. He yelled at me and said why are u f**king cleaning, called me crazy and told me I’m a piece of s**t back. I ran away in tears.
I don’t think he’s a piece of s**t but I’m so hurt and angry and it just came out, and I did feel let down in that moment. I feel so much anger and resentment because I feel like it doesn’t matter if I’m sick, I still have to do everything. I’m mostly ashamed I did this in front of my toddler. She understands a lot. I don’t know how to face them now.. How big of an AH am I?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
sharp-Yarn − NTA, Oh, such a baby he has to sit around and groan on the couch and can’t even get his kid out of the standing station right. Maybe you should have him clean and cook soup while you get to lay on the couch and cry about the flu next time and see how he feels about it.
nj-rose − NTA. It sounds like he gets to be sick like your toddlers and you get to be the grown up taking care of everyone despite being equally sick. Ignore the people calling you tah, he needs to step up.
bythebrook88 − and said why are u f**king cleaning. I was in the kitchen cleaning bottles. Apparently cleaning baby’s bottles is optional, now?
DANADIABOLIC − ESH— Look, tension was building from lack of sleep and illness. Sure he was lazy, but he is sick. Sure you reacted harshly, but you’re sick. Honestly, the kids don’t need to see you guys losing it on each other- but he should have stepped up too.
Oscar4611 − NTA. As parents we have all taken care of our sick children when we are sick. But apparently that doesn’t apply to OP’s husband. And no I’m not saying this because he is a man, I am saying this because he is a partner and father.
Why is it fair that OP is as sick as everyone and has to do it all? If she was laying on the couch like her husband who would take care of the sick kids? He gets a free pass and she is told she is AH because she needs some help.
Classic_Sugar7991 − ESH but honestly he’s much more of an AH here. Baby bottles have to be cleaned. Babies, especially if their toddler siblings are still semi on one, too, go through a lot of them. You can’t take care of the toddler, clean the bottles, stay up with the kids, etc.,
while he gets a pass to lay on the couch. It sucks, no one likes being sick, but you asked for such a little thing. I get your frustration; you still shouldn’t have shouted at him in front of the kids, but you already know that. Mostly he’s an AH for ignoring your *extremely important request*.
You do NOT put a baby that’s been extreme vomiting *on their back*, that is not just laziness, it’s literally putting the baby in danger. Fussing means he’s in discomfort, and while he has a stomach bug can lead quickly to choking on his own vomit.
This is like baby 101, and everyone makes mistakes but he needs to *listen* when you’re telling him he’s making them. I also get the sense from your outburst that he’s not pulling his weight in general? Like, if he’s normally a great partner and father, this is just two people feeling sick and miserable and lashing out.
Apologize to one another, give each other grace. If this was just underscoring a deeper problem you’ve had, you guys need to consider couples counseling to make sure you both feel heard without shouting in front of the kiddos.. I hope yall feel better soon. 🙁
MizAnthropy_ − ESH. Him more than you. Your anger and frustration were 100% justified. But you really shouldn’t have done it in front of the kids.
[Reddit User] − NTA…. you were both sick but only you were still parenting. I usually still apologize for yelling, in these situations. however you can still make it clear that the behavior is dissapointing and that you both have the same job of parenting. He let you down.
fyrelyte11 − The one sentence that stuck out to me was, “I feel so much anger and resentment because I feel like it doesn’t matter if I’m sick, I still have to do everything”. Coupled with what you screamed, I’m betting you feel like that all the time, but you either ignore it or talk yourself out of it.
The circumstances just happened to be the catalyst to finally be honest, albeit in an unproductive way, but honest nonetheless. I agree with you, doing that in front of your children wasn’t good. However no I don’t think you’re an AH because of it.
His refusal to help appropriately and as asked was unacceptable. Being sick doesn’t grant a parent permission to check out and not do what’s right for their children. As you’ve displayed by being there and taking care of them correctly.
His self absorbed and uncaring behavior is a red flag, and a deal breaker for me. Especially when I’m getting a serious vibe that it’s his normal behavior. He’s the AH in this scenario as far as I can tell.
Anniemumof2 − NTA Your husband is a lazy whiny good for nothing because apparently he’s *way* sicker than you or your children 🙄🙄🙄🤨🤨🤨
Is it understandable to lash out in such a stressful moment, or did they cross a line by yelling in front of the kids? How would you handle a situation like this when both partners are overwhelmed? Share your thoughts below!
