AITA for not inviting my son to my second wedding?

A Reddit user shares the complicated situation of planning her second wedding without inviting one of her children. After informing her son, Tom, about his wife’s infidelity years ago, their relationship fell apart when he refused to believe her. Now, in the middle of a divorce, Tom has reached out, asking to attend her wedding, but she’s hesitant given the history. Read on to see if you think she’s justified in her decision or if it might be time to reconcile.

‘ AITA for not inviting my son to my second wedding?’

My husband passed when the kids were teenagers and I am marry Jim. All of my other kids are invited to the wedding besides my middle child Tom. The issues started when he got married, my ex DIL was not very pleasant. The main issue happened when I informed my son that she was cheating on him.

I saw her with another guy at a restaurant being very friendly. I informed my son and he didn’t believe me. This blew up our relationship, he claimed I never like we and was trying to ruin the marriage with a lie. I admit I didn’t like her but no one liked her on our side of the family. I also was very hurt he thought I would lie about this.

He gave me an ultimatum, apologized or be out of his life. I didn’t apologize. He is now in a messy divorce since he found it she was cheating. My wedding is in a week and he wasn’t invited since we were not in contact. He called me up and asked to come.

I told him no. This started an argument, my point is I don’t want to invite him since he never apologized and that he blew up our relationship. He thinks I am a j**k for not inviting him since he is my kid

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Comfortable-Sea-2454 −  NTA for feeling like you do. But think long and hard on this. This is your son who is going through a very hard time. “He gave me an ultimatum, apologized or be out of his life. I didn’t apologize. He is now in a messy divorce since he found it she was cheating.” His calling and asking to attend is an olive branch, do you really want to permanently break with your son over this?

Available_Doctor_974 −  I am not going to comment about whether or not you’re an AH. I see it both ways honestly. But c’mon, you obviously have been proven right under the given circumstances. Why exactly are still insisting on an apology? At this point your just rubbing dirt in the wound. A mother should be better than this.

Jocelyn-1973 −  I know one thing for sure, and that is that I find my relationship with my children much more important than any kind of apology. I mean, you do you, but I do hope that you can look at this from your son’s perspective.

First, he thought you were trying to sabotage his marriage. Because he couldn’t believe that his wife was cheating on him. He gave you an ultimatum. Which is understandable if you still operate under the assumption that your wife would never cheat on you and your mother, who never liked her, is trying to sabotage the relationship.

Then he found out that you were actually right. His whole life is crumbling down and you reject him because you cannot let go that he wasn’t ready to believe you yet? So for putting the demand to get an apology over empathy for your child: YTA.

crapfactory22 −  You seem to have a very “I told you so” attitude which comes off as childish. Although you were correct (bravo I guess), you are also his mom. He reached out to you and wanted to come to your wedding. Obviously his way of extending an olive branch.

You are the parent. Be the bigger/better person and allow him back into your life. When the time comes, sit down with him and calmly tell him how he hurt you. Or, whatever, continue to be a vengeful person and never speak to your son again. Remember you are right all along! Thats definitely more important than not having your son in your life.

seregil42 −  I don’t think I can give a good judgement on this. It feels like there’s a lot to this story and having your son’s side of things would be essential. The reason I’m saying this is because you included, “I admit I didn’t like her”, which causes me to believe that this situation isn’t as cut and dry as you make it appear. Are you willing to allow him back into your life? I’m not talking about the wedding, but in general. Or have you just moved on from your kid?

Sneaky__Fox85 −  Tough situation, but I’m gonna say YTA. It seemed like he was reaching out in an attempt to reconcile and you shut him down for no reason other than some twisted sense of wounded pride. It probably took a lot on his part to reach out to you following being obviously and publicly wrong about the wife situation.

If your sense of indignity over the past is more important than rebuilding a relationship with your child, then you’ve made the right choice not inviting him. If not… maybe it’s time to reciprocate a peace offering.

[Reddit User] −  Wow. I’m a parent. I’m having a really, really hard time imagening being so desperately hellbound to keep your child out of your life. And i simply can’t. We’re having very serious issues with our middle child. Issues that make your issue with your son a walk in the park. Our door is always open for her. Always. We never go NC, we don’t and she doesn’t. You do you, it’s your loss in the end.

IllTemperedOldWoman −  Well, honestly, it depends on whether you want to cut off a son who didn’t want to believe his wife was cheating, and who is having a rough time, and who, yes, extended an olive branch. You honestly sound kind of toxic, and I’m an older woman who would ordinarily agree with you.

But life is shorter than you think and cutting off adult kids is more painful and permanent than you seem to realize. Others get involved and it complicates family dynamics forever after. YTA

genescheesesthatplz −  Info: what do you want to happen here? Like what’s your ideal outcome in all of this?

Catbunny −  Going to go with YTA – This is the rare situation where I would advise to be the bigger person and have him come. He’s already suffering and you want him to suffer more just to be right.

Do you think this mother should prioritize repairing her relationship with her son and invite him to her wedding, or is it reasonable for her to set this boundary given their history? How would you approach the situation? Share your thoughts below!