AITA for wearing an eclectic outfit to my friends dinner party?

A 24-year-old individual, known for wearing costumes daily, attended their friend Mindy’s dinner party dressed in a historical-inspired outfit with elf ears and accessories. Although they asked for outfit guidelines beforehand, Mindy only prohibited clown or pirate themes.

The day after the party, Mindy expressed anger, saying the expectation to dress “normally” was implied. The disagreement escalated with some friends calling the individual an attention-seeker, leaving them wondering if they were in the wrong. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for wearing an eclectic outfit to my friends dinner party? ‘

I couldn’t think of a better word to describe my outfit and this is a way I’ve heard others describe my style before. I (24I) don’t tend to dress in a way that most would consider “normal”. I essentially cosplay/play dress up for my everyday outfits, it’s normal for me to dress as a clown one day, a fairy the next, as a steampunk engineer, as a pirate, a fantasy knight with bits of chainmail, and so on.

Some days I’m just in a t-shirt and jeans or my pajamas but it’s more common for me to be dressed up. My friends and family are all used to it, no one bats an eye when a moss covered elf comes to lunch. I’ve been dressing like this for years and everyone sees it as *my* normal.

That being said, if someone wants me to dress in a more socially normal way for an event or to go hang out I’m happy to obligate. Certain things are/aren’t appropriate for certain times/places and I try to respect that and how it affects others. My friend “Mindy” (24F) threw a dinner party the other day.

A week or so prior to it, I asked her if there was anything specific I should or shouldn’t wear and she told me no. I asked again 2-3 days before and she told me no clown or pirate and I said sure. The day of I dressed in a Gibson S style dress with elf ears, a pocket watch, and some flowers and crystals as accessories.

Honestly, a pretty standard outfit for me. I rolled in and it was mostly people I knew with some new faces as well. Three of the new people made comments, most just glanced and carried on, and one asked for a picture but I told him that probably wasn’t very appropriate at Mindy’s dinner but if he took one outside as we were all leaving after dinner, I’d be fine with it.

Mindy and I didn’t talk much but I figured she was just busy with dinner and socializing with others. The next day, I woke up to some seething texts from Mindy about my outfit and how rude I was.

I called her because I was confused and I mentioned that I didn’t dress as a clown or pirate, so I didn’t know what was wrong with my clothes and asked if by pirate she had meant any historical piece. She yelled that she had meant I needed to dress normally and it was obvious that was what she meant.

Our friends were d**g into this and most are on my side, but a few of them have been telling me how horrible I am and calling me an attention seeking b*tch among other names.

I didn’t realize that’s what she meant and I thought she would’ve been more direct but now I’m feeling like an AH for ruining her dinner party but I also don’t know how much really was my fault. AITA for wearing an odd outfit to my friends dinner party?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

soap—poisoning −  I don’t know that you are necessarily TA, but take this as a lesson for the future. You are an adult, not a preschooler, and it isn’t always okay for you to show up to events in a costume.

Since it wasn’t a costume party, it should have been obvious to you that your friend’s dinner party was not the right place to wear an outlandish themed outfit. Next time you are invited to a grown-up social event, have enough respect for your host to consider what is/is not appropriate for the occasion.

If you’re not sure, ask. That doesn’t mean your clothing has to be boring though. Take it as a personal challenge to find ways to style your clothes that will reflect your creative personality while staying within the bounds of what is considered appropriate.

bbaywayway −  You are being delibrately obtuse. Because she said no clowns, no pirates. Most people would understand that means no costumes. Most people would have known to dress as the average person would.. YTA

National-Cry222 −  “THIS IS THE WAY I AM SO IF YOU RESPECT ME DEAL WITH IT” that’s what I got from all that and sorry if I’m wrong but man that’s no way to live. You’re not the center of attention.

Dame_Twitch_a_Lot −  Edit Changing to NTA. Autism makes it hard to interpret social cues. You went out of your way to ask and confirm choice of clothing. While you can use this as a learning experience this was not your fault.

Original: Yes she could have said absolutely nothing other than casual dress but I feel you would have interpreted that to be your idea of casual dress. She inferred no costumes. You showed up in costume. I traveled and worked for renaissance festivals.

After a while some pieces of my garb became a part of everyday dress but that doesn’t mean I didn’t know when to dress in different attire. By your own questions you were aware that this was not the right event for your “every day” attire.

11SkiHill −  YTA. Clueless. “Yeah…no one told me not to come in my underwear so I did. ” You’re exhausting.  Expect less invitations. 

foersr −  YTA. If the host said “no dresses, no skirts” and you showed up in a skort you would be the a**hole. Host said no pirates no clown and you said let me grab my elf ears. Did you really expect Mindy to remember every item of your wardrobe and list, no elf ears, no reindeer antlers, no bunny tail, etc. ?

Maybe Mindy didn’t want to say “dress normal” because she knew normal for you is a costume or maybe she didn’t want to say that because she wanted you to still be your creative self but without any extraordinary accessories.

You’re autistic, you need people to be clear, fine, but please stop using it to excuse letting your friends down. Learn from this and do better in the future.

stroppo −  this story is too unbelievable to render judgment.

Nooooope −  Light YTA. I understand the autism is a factor, but “don’t wear cosplay to dinner parties” is pretty obvious social etiquette that people will reasonably expect adults to know. That’s on you, not them.

Logical_Read9153 −  YTA. No clown and no pirate ment no costume. 

Moonydog55 −  I honestly am starting to wonder if Mindy may be tired of having to hold hands (not literally hold hands, but if she throws these frequently enough, the general idea of dress code should be there by now) on how to dress for an event. Idk.

Was the outfit a harmless expression of individuality or an inconsiderate choice for the event? Share your thoughts below!