AITA for telling my mom to have my sister do it?

A Redditor shares a deeply personal family conflict surrounding their mother’s health and the implications of her will. With their mother facing cancer treatment and relying on their older sister, Lynn, for support, the sibling feels overlooked and frustrated. Despite their mother’s plea for help during surgery, the Redditor refuses to take time off work to assist, believing that Lynn should step up instead.

The tension escalates as the Redditor confronts their mother about perceived favoritism, leading to a heart-wrenching exchange. What happens when family loyalty clashes with feelings of neglect? Read the original story below to explore this emotional struggle.

‘ AITA for telling my mom to have my sister do it?’

My mom has cancer. My older sister Lynn with 3 kids never left home. My mom called the rest of the the siblings saying she is changing the will because she is leaving the home and it’s contents to Lynn because Lynn does so much for her.

My older Bother and his family doesn’t do s**t for mom because of Lynn and basically went no contact years ago. I haven’t even met their youngest kids but I hope they are living their best life.

I’m single but have my own studio just trying to save up money and splitting the home with me would have really helped but I have little contact with mom and sis because it was always something with them for Lynn or her kids. I’m not the baby daddy of those kids and I told my sister that a few years ago.

My mom randomly calls and asks if I could come stay a week (that means I would have to take off work and my OT hours) to help her with a surgery she’s having because Lynn can’t because she’s busy with the children and she could put a bed in the garage for me.

I told mom I doubt I could get the time off to do that in such a short amount of time. Mom told me she already got the FMLA paperwork from the doctor so they have to give it off. I asked mom about her will and the house.

She told me that’s because Lynn has helped her so much. I told her good Lynn can help you with this because I’m not. My mom started crying that surgery will help her with her quality of life and I can pick some stuff out around the home to take back with me.

I asked mom if I could pick out a bedroom to sleep in (there’s 4) and she said she can’t move Lynn and her kids around “it’s their home” at that I kind of flipped out on my mom and said tell Lynn to help you because I’m not taking off work.

My mom said she’s dying and just trying to make her life more comfortable with this surgery and I should do this for her. I told her she should have treated us all with the same gloves she has treated Lynn with and that is her legacy. I refuse to talk to my mom anymore about it.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

AwesomeAsian −  NTA. I’m sure there’s more to your family’s story if your older brother is no contact with your mom. Picking a favorite and giving a whole house to one kid as inheritance is a sure way of pissing their siblings off. You don’t owe her anything if she’s just not willing to changer her will.

[Reddit User] −  She wants you to take time off from work and sleep in the garage? That would be a big no. It will be much more convenient for her if Lynn is in charge of taking care of her. Lynn gets to sleep in the house, so can hear if Mom calls out to her.

You need to look after your future not hers. Losing your job because you insisted on taking time off to help her is not taking care of your future. Losing a week’s wages isn’t either.. NTA.

turnoffthis −  ummmm not enough INFO. has your mum done anything wrong? or do you all just hate Lynn? Your mother is dying. Do you want your final memories of your dying mother to be telling her to eff off because she hasn’t left you a house?

It genuinely sounds like you don’t love her at all. Which if you provide the INFO as to why and she turns out to be a narcissistic hell demon yeah fair dos. otherwise this just seems… weird and cruel.

Scenarioing −  “it was always something with them for Lynn or her kids. I’m not the baby daddy of those kids and I told my sister that a few years ago.”. —What?

AmenhotepTutankhamun −  My interpretation of the limited info is that Lynn isn’t really “the martyr sibling that stayed behind to help mom” but more “the coddled sibling who never moved out, then had 3 kids, and is now helping mom just as much as mom is helping her”.

It’s totally up to the mom who she leaves her assets to but she can’t seriously expect the siblings she completely disinherited to drop everything to help her after doing so. NTA for me.

slendermanismydad −  You don’t deserve the house but no, you don’t need to take off work to go sleep in a garage when an adult is already there.Not accurate about the FMLA paperwork either. 

Enamoure −  Sorry YTA . I am going to get down voted but this is just sad to read. Your mom has cancer, crying that she needs helps..and what you care about is to be petty and bring some issue about the will. Like does it really matter when someone has cancer and needs to get a surgery done?

I honestly don’t understand how cold hearted a lot of people are on reddit. Always surprises me. It is always about what’s logically right and winning some argument.

cloistered_around −  I’m confused here. Your brother is no contact–you’re very low contact, and somehow you’re surprised she’s leaving everything to the kid she sees who lives with her?

Psychotic-Orca −  INFO: What was your growing up years like with your mom? Was she a**sive? Didn’t meet all your needs? Blatantly played favorites?

Reddit is extremely anti-parent due to so many being raised by narcissists, but they also have a hard time looking past their own experiences, which is ironic. So I would like to hear what your growing up years were like before I make any judgement. Also, why is your sister the only one helping your mom?

Less_Ordinary_8516 −  NTA. Too bad mom can’t see that Lynn has helped her lose her children. Golden child who wants OP to watch her kids, and can’t seem to get along with any of her siblings. As long as mom won’t treat the siblings the same, I’m afraid she is stuck with the child that isn’t actually helping as much as she thinks.