AITA for telling my sister nobody needs to give her anything for Mother’s Day?

A Redditor recently experienced her first Mother’s Day after years of struggling to become a mom, including suffering an ectopic pregnancy and multiple miscarriages. At the family celebration, her sister, who had a very early miscarriage six months ago, became upset after receiving no recognition as a mother.

This led to a heated exchange, where OP told her sister that nobody owed her a Mother’s Day gift. Now, OP wonders if she was too harsh. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my sister nobody needs to give her anything for Mother’s Day?’

My (27F) sister (25F) had a miscarriage 6 or 7 months ago. It was very early, she had a positive pregnancy test, but then a couple days later tested negative and had her period. My husband (29M) and I just had our first baby who is now 3 weeks old. For Mother’s Day, we all went to my parents’ house to celebrate.

My sister and I both brought our mom gifts, and my mom also got me flowers and chocolate to celebrate my first Mother’s Day. I think it’s also worth noting that I had an ectopic pregnancy that ended up rupturing three years ago and we’ve been trying to have a baby ever since.

I lost a fallopian tube and basically nearly died. I’ve had 2 other miscarriages since then as well. This was a very special first true Mother’s Day. I was in the hospital recovering from the surgery for my ectopic pregnancy over Mother’s Day three years ago, and my family brought me flowers and balloons to help me feel better about going through something so traumatic so close to Mother’s Day.

I think this is why my sister may have felt the way she did. My mom didn’t get my sister anything for Mother’s Day. As a result, my sister ended up throwing a fit and was yelling at us, calling us names, and I ended up yelling back that nobody owed her a Mother’s Day gift because she’s not a mother yet.
My parents were understanding but said I should’ve been less harsh. Am I the a**hole?

See what others had to share with OP:

Even_Enthusiasm7223 −  Update:. Chemical pregnancy It’s possible to have a positive pregnancy test even if you aren’t technically pregnant. This is called a false positive. It’s sometimes caused by a chemical pregnancy

She didn’t have a miscarriage. She had a false positive. You are a little harsh but it was kind of deserved for the way she freaked It looked to me out
Did anyone ever get you a mother’s Day gift for your miscarriages? That just sounds cruel to me. She needs to calm down and keep trying for a baby if she wants one that badly. But she has a child. She is a mother.. Nta

Raedriann −  “I saw a pink line on a stick, then my life went on as normal, and there was no baby. I deserve to be celebrated.” NTA. She put a damper on a very special day for you that you have been trying to get to for years.. Congrats on your baby.

[Reddit User] −  ESH. People are feeling hurt and vulnerable- and lashed out. You can’t control your sister’s fit but you can control your own reaction. Her miscarriage wasn’t as “bad” as yours, but clearly she was hurting and sensitive. It was an opportunity to comfort.

KikiMadeCrazy −  ESH. Cause YOU know how painful and traumatic is a miscarriage you decide to pay in spade your own sister. Great! You all s**k here. A kind gesture will have make everybody happy. But now it’s a run to who suffered the most, who got it worst. What kind of values you plan to teach your children?

fearfulavoidant7 −  You didn’t have to lash at her. It doesn’t hurt to be kind to others.

andromache97 −  idk i’m glad i’m childfree because it weirds me out when people determine whether people’s miscarriages are “real” or not and it all seems like a big competition for attention

anonymous5481 −  Your parents are right in this case. Everyone processes loss differently. Your lack of empathy towards your sister is awful. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you have felt if your family hadn’t done anything when you were in the hospital and you had to watch your sister receive mother’s day gifts in front of you?

How would you have felt. Also emotional pain and trauma isn’t a contest on who had it worse. If that’s how you’re going through life then you’re going to be miserable. My mother is like that and she was a shite mom because of it. Learn some empathy.

Condensed_Sarcasm −  ESH. So because her baby loss wasn’t as traumatic as yours, it didn’t count, so she shouldn’t be celebrated?. All of you need to grow up.

OldHuckleberry5804 −  ESH. I can see why your sister was triggered, but she handled it very poorly. She shouldn’t have yelled or resorted to name calling.
You also very much overreacted and knowing how difficult a miscarriage can be, rubbing in that she doesn’t need to be celebrated because shes not a mom was completely unnecessary. 

factfarmer −  YTA for having zero empathy. My God, were you deliberately trying to hurt her?

Do you think the sister’s feelings were understandable, or was OP right to address her frustration directly? How would you approach family dynamics on a sensitive day like Mother’s Day? Share your thoughts below!