AITA for making a rude remark to my brother at his college acceptance dinner?

A 13-year-old boy made a harsh comment at his brother’s college acceptance dinner, expressing that he wouldn’t miss him and was glad he would leave for school. This remark stemmed from longstanding resentment, as the brother often used offensive slurs towards others, including the 13-year-old’s trans friend.

The parents were upset and grounded the younger brother, saying he caused a scene. While the younger sibling felt justified, he’s now second-guessing his actions. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for making a rude remark to my brother at his college acceptance dinner? ‘

I (13M) have a brother, Harry (17M) who just got accepted into a really good college which was his dream school. My family and I went out to a local Italian place to celebrate. The issue is Harry and I don’t like each other, Harry uses the n word even tho we are white. He also calls my trans friend slurs.

He’s smart and is very good at science and put a lot of effort in getting into his school but I don’t care that he got in, I’m just happy he won’t be home. I was telling my friends about this at lunch and they told me I should tell him at the dinner that I was at that I wouldn’t miss him and that I was happy he’d be gone.

We were eating our food and one of my aunts asked me if I would miss him, so I said the truth that I wouldn’t and said I was glad he’d be gone. My parents told me to knock it off, and then I started to argue with them because they allow him to use these slurs.

When I got home, my mom told me she was disappointed in me and that she thinks my friends from baseball are a bad influence, she said I should love my brother no matter what. She grounded me for “causing a scene” in the restaurant. My friends think I did nothing wrong but I’m not 100% sure. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Cavolatan −  This is kind of a tricky one, because it sounds like your brother has a lot of r**ist/transphobic stuff going on, and you’re not wrong to find him offensive or dislike him on those grounds, and you’re not wrong to not want to lie about it, but it’s still not great to go to his celebration party and announce at the party that you don’t like him.

 It’s not the place.  If you find him so offensive you can’t be polite about him at a celebration party, I think the better decision would be to stay home.  Soft ESH (he’s quite an AH and your parents are too if they aren’t trying to change his ways, but your choices weren’t perfect here either)

Apart-Ad-6518 −  NTA ” but I don’t care that he got in, I’m just happy he won’t be home.” That’s totally understandable. I can’t even really say you should have softened it for the occasion in the circumstances. I’d have left it there though & kept the rest of the debate for a more private occasion.

Having said that, I’d be very proud of you for standing up for your beliefs.. Kudos for that. No way I’d ground my kid for that. Plus the situation wouldn’t have arisen if your parents dealt with his unacceptable behavior in the first place.

KryoChamber −  NTA- He’s r**ist and transphobic. Sounds like a nightmare sibling, and your parents enable him making them also AHs. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you HAVE to forgive all that they do. Frankly, it’s often the people that do the worst, that expect family to forgive.

This coming from a mom myself, I’d be proud to know that at least one of my kids wasn’t so horrible to condone horrible behavior. Of course, i also wouldn’t be letting my child be r**ist or transphobic. Good on you for having a good head on your shoulders and calling out that behavior.

Long_Ad_2764 −  NTA for not missing your brother but YTAH for causing a scene. This was not the time to argue with your parents about the language they allow your brother to use.

DoIwantToKnow6417 −  *<I was telling my friends about this at lunch and they told me I should tell him at the dinner that I was at that I wouldn’t miss him and that I was happy he’d be gone. * YTA for calling your brother out at THAT specific moment, just because your friends told you to in advance.

N T A for calling him out for his slurs. He is TA for that, and so are your parents for not putting him straight.

stoned_introvert420 −  NTA.

ItsMeBoyThePS5 −  NTA. Family isn’t a ‘we love you no matter what’ all around all the time. When someone messes up, tell them they messed up. Your brother isn’t a very good person to you or your friends. You have a right to say you’re not going to miss him.

You should not love your brother no matter what. *I* love my brother, but if he started insulting my friends, I’d be upset with him, and there’d be consequences for that.

Sure, doing it at his college acceptance dinner is an extra bit of rude, but… like, I wouldn’t shield him from it. He started it by calling your friend slurs. No one in good mind would expect you to say you missed him.

AlmightyBlobby −  nta your brother is a nazi and should know no peace 

icouldliveinhope −  NTA. She asked, you answered.

dd_phnx −  NTA. Sounds like your brother is the golden child of the family, and your parents are coddling him a little too much, judging from the fact that he’s using a barrage of slurs and they don’t say s**t.

Should the 13-year-old have voiced his frustrations, or was the dinner not the right place? Share your thoughts below!