AITA For Refusing To Purchase Birthday Cookies For My Child?

A mother carefully customized her daughter’s birthday cake and made cupcakes for school but got upset when her husband suggested buying cookies just before the party, implying the daughter might not like the cake. She felt hurt since the cake aligned with their daughter’s preferences, and she believed he could have mentioned cookies earlier.

When she refused to make a last-minute trip, he gave her the silent treatment and seemed annoyed. She wonders if she’s wrong for standing firm on not getting cookies. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA For Refusing To Purchase Birthday Cookies For My Child?’

I bought a custom cake for my daughter’s birthday and altered it to her specifications. She’s not crazy about frosting, for example, so I asked that less be used. My Husband proposed I make a separate trip to the grocery store to buy an individual cookie, and we didn’t need anything else.

I was in the middle of baking 4 dozen cupcakes for our daughter to take to ABA the next day. Neither of my kids is typically developing, and a clear response from my daughter to being asked “what dessert do you want for your party?” was kind of a big deal.

My husband knew I was special ordering a cake way in advance and approved the design. Both my children gravitate toward savory, rather than sweet, foods; neither one has an aversion to desserts or even a favorite food.

My husband walked in, and the first thing he said was “do you think we should buy some cookies for the birthday party? Something [our daughter] will actually eat?” and I was floored. I told him that was a strange – and hurtful! – thing to say, since he knew in advance about the cake order and the cupcakes our daughter was bringing to school.

I told him that hurt my feelings, because I was really excited about the cake and I made choices about it based on my kid’s preferences. I pointed out that he could have said something about also wanting cookies any time in the last month, but that mentioning it less than 48 hours before the party and in the middle of my baking the cupcakes wasn’t helpful.

He had zero response and gave me the silent treatment, which also stung. He brought it up again this morning when I asked if we needed anything else for the party. He was surprised and miffed that I told him if he wanted cookies, he could go to the store;

I would not be buying any cookies, since I had purchased cake and ice cream and sent cupcakes to school with her. AITA for not purchasing “even just one cookie” for my daughter’s birthday?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Enough-Process9773 −  NTA. If your husband thinks there should be cookies for a birthday party, that’s legitimate!He can go buy birthday party cookies like a big grown-up person. “Something our daughter will actually eat” – ahem.

Okay. If he thinks the options provided will not be eaten, he can buy something else for the party. That comment in the middle of party prep makes him the AH. Not you. Happy birthday wishes to your daughter! The cake sounds yummy.

UPDATE INFO I’m temporarily suspending my judgement. OP – the way you wrote this, it sounded like it was your daughter’s birthday and your daughter who was asking for the special chocolate cake, ice-cream, and cupcakes. Is that a correct assumption – or was it your other child’s birthday, and your husband was checking in specifically about cookies for your autistic daughter.

UPDATE UPDATE: The party was for the daughter, she specified she wanted chocolate cake, and in the end, because she has Issues with sweet things, she ate neither cake nor cookies.

Forward_Squirrel8879 −  NTA – This is not even about the cookies. This is about the fact that you have been putting time and effort into making your child’s birthday special for weeks, only for him to waltz in at the last minute.

If he had a different opinion on what treats were needed for the birthday, then he should have made that clear during the planning stage – not wait until things were already finished/in progress. If he wanted to help at the last minute he should have asked what task he could take off your plate, instead he just tried to add an additional task to your plate.

tinyahjumma −  NTA, but I am super confused why you would be so hurt and why he would give you the silent treatment. I would imagine you talk regularly about food your kids will and won’t eat. This isn’t a test of your motherly devotion. It was a question. And his silent treatment is over the top.

Only-Ingenuity7889 −  Husband is more than welcome to go out and buy them himself, if it’s that big a deal.  Your kid wanted cake and you’ve done plenty.  NTA

owls_and_cardinals −  INFO: Does your kid actually not like cake, despite having requested it twice? What made your husband think a cookie was necessary so that there would be something for the kid to eat, when they’d already requested cake?

pinkpink0430 −  It was a big overreaction honestly. It’s not like he told you “go buy cookies too.” There’s nothing wrong with having multiple desserts at a party. You should’ve just said “if you think we need cookies then you have to go buy them” and if he responded poorly then yeah he’s TA.

Free_Sir_2795 −  He just asked your opinion. If you thought adding cookies to the menu would be a good idea. Maybe he’s giving you the silent treatment because you had this huge overreaction and now he’s afraid to say anything else

Rational answers to his question would have been, “No, I think the cake and cupcakes are plenty.” or “Sure. Get whatever you think Child would like.”. YTA

omeomi24 −  THIS is an issue you would turn into a battle? So what if you have cake AND cookies? Your poor husband – do you get angry at everything he suggests?

Appropriate-Okra5783 −  NTA but learn to manage your emotions. You sound exhausting.

SewRuby −  You are acting like you laid down your life to dial a number and talk to someone to order a cake, and make cupcakes. Making cupcakes, even from scratch, isn’t hard. Why are you acting like it’s a gigantic sacrifice to pour some ingredients in a bowl and mix them together, pour them into tins, and toss them in the oven?

You can even rope the kids in to help frost them, because kids love that s**t.Grow tf up, OP. You asked for this when you chose to have kids. Deal with a million different requests, mind changing, and whining, those come with having kids. Un-be-f**king-lievable the martyrdom that comes from some parents, YTA.

Should she have bought the cookies, or was her response justified? Share your thoughts below!