AITA for telling Dad his wife can’t be called Grandma?

A Redditor is facing backlash after telling their dad that his wife can’t be called “Grandma” in relation to their soon-to-be-born child. The situation is complicated by a strained relationship with their own mother. Read the full story below and let us know what you think.

‘ AITA for telling Dad his wife can’t be called Grandma?’

AITA for telling my Dad his wife can’t be called Grandma? AITA for saying my stepmother will not be called grandma?

My (33F) husband (33M) and I are having our first baby. My parents divorced when I was 18. Dad remarried (Jane) when I was 29. I love my step mother. She is the exact opposite of the stereotype of stepmoms. She is kind, generous, and has been wonderful to my father.

She is not however my mother and I just feel that we are more on the friend basis rather than stepmom/stepdaughter. I don’t however see her as my Mom. I have a mother. My relationship has been strained with her because of her need to always put herself above everyone else.

She refused to ever work and contribute to household finances. This may have been fine but she was a poor housekeeper and often dumped household chores and babysitting duties (younger siblings) on me.

This trait in my Mom was a lot of the reason that my parents divorced. Dad was no angel because he dealt with problems in the marriage by cheating. (Not with my new stepmom, he meet her 10 years after the divorce)

My Dad has been so excited about his first grandchild. He has been constantly referring to himself and his wife as Grandpa and Grandma. I ignored it for a while but finally I felt that I had to speak up. I explained gentle-like that Jane could not be referred to as “Grandma”.

I could tell that he was really hurt when he asked why. I explained that my Mom was Grandma and that while she was not perfect she had earned that right. Dad left the house and went outside to water his garden not returning inside for the rest of the visit.

I had a conversation with my stepmom and she understood where I was coming from. Together we decided that the baby could call her Mamaw. I privately thought this would be a great compromise since it would still honor the wonderful person that my stepmom is while not upsetting my mother. Of course, Dad s still unhappy. So, AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  I can see your point but if the stepmom is kind and loving i think she can be called grandma too. Kids can have 2 grandmas. The child will have your husbands mother too, so 3 grandmas.

I dont think there’s anything wrong with that. Your dad will just be liking the thought of being grandma and grandpa, and that calling his wife something else kind of makes her an outsider. Its up to you though, whatever makes you comfortable.

StAlvis −  INFO. I explained that my Mom was Grandma and that while she was not perfect **she had earned that right**.. The f**k *how*?

OGBrewSwayne −  Your stepmom might not be a mom to you, but she will 100% be a grandmother to your child. If your stepmom’s preference is to be called grandma, then that’s what your child should call her. Your logic on this is totally baffling to me.

Your mom was pretty s**tty by your own admission, but you think she’s *earned* the exclusive right to be called grandma? That doesn’t make a damn bit of sense. Your mom doesn’t get to monopolize “grandma” and you certainly don’t get to monopolize it for her.. YTA.

seregil42 −  Info: As your kid grows older, what happens if they end up referring to your stepmother as their grandmother? Are you going to correct them or will you let your kids bestow that title on her?

Disastrous-Nail-640 −  You do realize that, ultimately, it’s going to be the child that decides if she’s grandma or not, not you, right?

DisneyBuckeye −  YTA – and I mean this in the gentlest way possible. The reason I’m going with this is because there are SO MANY better ways that you could have handled this without hurting the parents who were actually good to you. “Mom has already claimed the name Grandma, so what if we call you Grannie instead? Or Mamaw?”

Your mother does not “deserve” to be called grandma, and has not earned that right simply because she gave birth to you. But that’s all on you. And let’s face it, they can want whatever name for themselves until the cows come home, the kids will call them what they want to.

Mine wanted to be Grandma and Grandad, they are now Geema and Geedad. The other grandparents wanted to be Grandma and Grandpa, they are Mama and Papa.

yourshaddow3 −  I’ll never understand why it’s more important to hurt people than have a child call someone “Grandma” who isn’t tEcHnIcAlLy their grandma. This woman sounds like she did everything right but will always be “othered”. Oh to have the problem of too many people loving my child.

ArpeggioTheUnbroken −  YTA. You have a s**tty mother and you’re overcompensating for her lack of mothering by bestowing a title she has not earned onto her. And in order to make her feel special, you will only allow her to have it even though your step-mom actually deserves it.. That is unwise.

You need to allow the people who will love your child well to do so. You’re burning bridges unnecessarily and you’re the only one who’s going to look like a fool over it.

Good luck on making your mom feel special. Let’s see which one actually comes through as a grandmother and let’s see if that little moment you created for your mom was worth the hurt you caused the parents who actually show up for you and your children.

EmJennings −  INFO: Why does it matter what stepmom is called? There can be more than 2 grandmas. My kid has 3 grandmas and 4 grandpas, all from split parents, new partner, and grandma new partner.

Like.. NAH specifically, I suppose, but.. I just don’t get it. If it upsets your mother that there’s another grandma, then I’m sorry, but your mom is s**fish. The kid’s not gonna love her any more or less just by having the “grandma” title.

FigForsaken5419 −  I’m not going to judge you. But I do want you to think about this, I grew up calling my grandfathers wife “Ann”. I was told that she was not my grandmother at every turn. But she was the one that tucked me in when I stayed the night.

She was the one who sewed up the tear in my blanket. Everyone was so focused on the relationship between “Ann” and my father not being mother and son. They never stopped to consider what my relationship with “Ann” was like.

She was more grandmotherly to me than my own biological grandmother. When my grandfather passed, “Ann” gave me some of the jewelry he gave her that could have gone to her own children, biological grandchildren, or toward paying debts. She opted to love me instead.

Do you think the user’s request was fair given the family dynamics involved, or was it insensitive to her stepmother? How would you navigate the complexities of step-relationships and grandparent titles? Share your thoughts below!