AITA for refusing to buy a bridesmaid’s dress until I get closer to my goal weight?

A Reddit user recently faced a dilemma when her sister asked her to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding. Despite feeling honored, the user is on a significant weight loss journey, having already lost 75 pounds and aiming to shed another 60.

The dress her sister chose costs $300, and the user expressed her reluctance to buy it until she gets closer to her goal weight. This decision sparked a conflict, with her sister insisting the dress should fit her current size. The user is now left wondering if her refusal makes her a selfish sister. Read the original story below to explore the full context.

‘ AITA for refusing to buy a bridesmaid’s dress until I get closer to my goal weight?’

My (28F) sister “Bri” 29F is getting married a year from now. Recently, she reached out to ask me to be a bridesmaid. I was surprised because Bri and I aren’t super close, but I was happy to be a part of her special day.

I used to be extremely overweight, and last year I decided to take control of my health and lost 75 pounds. I’m much happier and healthier than I was, but I’d still like to lose another 60. This became complicated when Bri sent us a link to the dress she wanted us to buy.

I’ve never been a bridesmaid, but apparently it is common for brides to ask their bridesmaids to buy their own dress. Still, the dress she requested costed $300, which seemed pricey to me. Bri has asked us to order the dress within a couple of weeks, as it’s popular and she’s worried it will sell out.

I called Bri and told her I am on a weightloss journey and am not buying clothes, until I get closer to my goal weight unless they’re from Goodwill or Walmart or something. Bri seemed really upset by this–she asked if I could just purchase the size I am now and have it be loose at the wedding.

I told her I plan on being almost 60 pounds lighter by the wedding, so the dress won’t be loose–it will literally fall off. Bri asked then if I could slow down my weight loss until after the wedding so the dress would fit. I told her absolutely not. I feel amazing and I’m already losing at a slow and steady pace.

I presented Bri with three solutions: 1–I can wait to buy the dress until closer to the wedding, as I requested, 2–she can buy me the dress now with her money, or 3–I drop out of the bridal party, since she probably has people she’s closer with than me anyway.

Bri did not seem keen on any of these options–even removing me from the bridal party. She told me I was ruining her big day and that it’s about her, not me, so why does it matter if I wear a dress that’s a little loose?

I hung up after that to give Bri some time to cool off, but then I got a call from my mother telling me what a horrible sister I was and how s**fish I was for not just ordering the bridesmaid’s dress. She reiterated how it’s Bri’s day, not mine, and when I have my own wedding I can do things exactly how I want.

To be truthful, I am finally starting to feel confident and to like how I look. Before I started losing weight, I wouldn’t have cared if I wore a too-loose dress because I was “fat and u**y” anyway. Now, even though I only buy dirt-cheap clothes, I make sure to buy clothes that flatter me and accentuate my curves. I put a lot more effort into hair, makeup, and overall presentation.

So yes, even though it is not my wedding, this will probably be the first formal event I go to after having lost weight, and I know lots of pictures will be taken. I want to look my best for these photos because I know I will look back on them and remember how hard I worked to get there. Does this make me a s**fish AH?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

AshlynM2 −  YTA. You have 2 super reasonable and simple options: 1. Buy the dress in your current size and take it in for the wedding, so it fits perfectly to your body. Easy!!

2. Buy the dress a couple sizes smaller so it’ll fit what size you assume you’ll be- just make sure you stay on target with your weight loss so you fit into the dress.

You’re making this situation overly complicated. This is seriously so simple/ it’s like you’re trying to be frustrated over it. As someone who works at a bridal shop, your sister is the sane one here. You’re being a huge pain.

As a quick sidenote, even if you waited and bought the dress in your current size once you’re down 60 lbs, you still need alterations. Actual formal gowns will always need a hem, maybe a pinch on the top, etc.

Not every size 6 has the same measurements, neither does every size 14. So you’re going to have a foot in the door for alterations anyway, so it really isn’t a big deal to have the dress pinched in where you need it. Taking a dress in 2 inches costs the same as taking address in 6 inches.

fashion_thrower −  YTA here but softly. Weight loss is unpredictable ESPECIALLY as you get closer to your goal. I’d buy your current size or maybe one size down and then plan on tailoring close to the wedding. And yes, it’s annoying and expensive.

I’ve dealt with that choice between “buy something new” or “pay almost double to get something tailored down” and it’s not the easiest, I really feel you on this.

However it is an unavoidable part of the process because formal events, work occasions, etc continue on while you are making such big life changes. You’re still minimizing your spending more than a lot of people can by only getting inexpensive clothes for everyday.

Antelope_31 −  YTA. Your feelings are understandable but the reality is the dress will sell out and it’s her choice. It’s her wedding. You buy it and pay to get it altered in enough time before the wedding, or buy a smaller size. The wedding isn’t about you.

WEM-2022 −  YTA. You can get the dress the size you are now and have it altered to fit as the day approaches. Why did you not offer this as an option? Can’t believe no one thought of this. Look, if you don’t want to be her bridesmaid – and it sounds like you don’t! – then just tell her that you don’t want to be her bridesmaid and give her a chance to refill the position.

Stay_W0K3 −  I’m going to go against most comments and say NTA because $300 is already so expensive, and tailoring is ridiculously expensive. Sure, the dress could be tailored, but I’m assuming she would expect you to pay for it. If the cost is the reason not, I would explain that. If she can’t help with the money, I’d drop out as a bridesmaid.

According-Let3541 −  INFO: is there a reason you can’t buy the dress in a smaller size now? Or buy a slightly smaller size than you currently are and then have it adjusted nearer the time?

And is this less about the dress and more about the cost and who pays? Because it seems like you and your sister are ignoring the most obvious solution available.

howdidienduphere34 −  I am completely shocked by the responses here. You are NTA. $300 dollars for a dress that may or may not fit in a year, which then will likely need tailoring, which is not cheap. For someone you are not even close with.

You gave her reasonable options, and she continues to be unreasonable. Anyone saying “just buy the dress and have it altered” should be willing to foot that bill.

If it were me I would say, “thank you so much for the kind offer, and while I would be honored to be one of your bridesmaids, I really need to put my health first and continue the journey I have started for myself.

I completely understand your concerns about the dress not being available at a later date. I do not want to cause you undo stress , and I cannot alter my current course. That being said I feel it’s best if I do not take this on.”

Forward-Wear7913 −  NTA. At this point, you should just drop out of the wedding party. It sounds like you don’t feel like you belong in it anyway due to the lack of closeness with your sister. You’re going to resent her if you spend that money and it certainly won’t improve your relationship.

I do think it will require a lot of money to modify the dress if you intend to lose such a significant amount of weight. There’s no way to predict where you will lose the weight. I’ve been there with losing 100 pounds and it doesn’t always come off in the spots you would predict.

Aromatic_Recipe1749 −  NTA. I can’t stand this over the top trend of “it’s the brides day” and no one else matters. I think that you should just tell your mother and sister that since this is causing them such distress that you are going to start step aside so everyone gets what they want. Take the $300 and buy yourself something fabulous!!

875_champagne −  I can’t believe people’s reaction. NTA. She offered several solutions. And the bride decided to put her wedding over her sister’s physical health? If she cared about her sister at all, she would be so happy for her sister and accept her to drop out. And then no harm no foul. 

OP you have done nothing wrong. Everyone saying “get it alteted” or “just wear a loose dress” clearly has never gotten anything altered. Or had to wear a dress that is several sizes too small. Not to mention we have no idea how the bride would react to a poor fitting dress.

Please drop out gracefully and continue on your journey. You deserve to not spend 450 dollars on a dress you will wear once and probably not even like for someone someone who isn’t prioritizing your health.