AITA for making my son (16) pay for his own room?

A Reddit user and single mother of five shared a story about how she handled a difficult housing situation. Her 16-year-old son, who was unhappy sharing a room with his younger brother, offered to contribute $50 a month for his own room. The mother agreed, and she gave up her own bedroom, opting to sleep on the pull-out couch.

While the arrangement worked for the family, her friends criticized her for charging her son rent, making her question if she made the right choice. Read the full story below to see the details and decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for making my son (16) pay for his own room?’

I’m a single mom of 5 (16M, 14M, 10M, 9F, 7M) renting a 3-bedroom house. Up until 2 months ago the 2 eldest boys shared a room, the 3 youngest shared, and I had the smallest room.

For the last few years my eldest complained non-stop about having to share a room with his little brother. Most of his friends’ parents are wealthy so he’s constantly comparing our situation to theirs.

He started working when he was 14 (a few hours a week) for a little extra money, now at 16 he works a lot (more than I would like) and this summer he has been working basically fill-time. He’s not too bad with his money and actually saves some of it, but the rest goes to video games, clothes/shoes, and junk food.

2 months ago, my son and I were discussing his distaste for sharing a room with his brother and he said he’d drop out of school now if it meant he could move out into his own space. I told him I had looked at 4-bedroom rentals in our area, but they were just too expensive.

He asked if he could pay the difference if we did move. I told him no because during the school year all his money would be going to rent not his savings and his spending money. That obviously wouldn’t sit right with me.

However, we did come up with a compromise. For $50 a month he could have my bedroom and my 10-year-old could move in with 14-year-old and I would sleep in our living room (our couch is already a pull-out). This was 2 months ago, and we already made the switch, and everybody is happy with the new set up.

All the money my son is paying me is going straight into my Christmas savings and then after Christmas will go into a summer trip savings. I recently told some of my friends what I was doing and they’re against it.

They think I’m wrong for taking any amount of money from my kids and a couple of them said I should have just given him the room without making him pay for it. They make some good points, and I don’t totally disagree, and it makes me feel like an a**hole.

My 14-year-old son is also unhappy about the arrangement, he thinks its unfair older brother is getting his own room and that middle brother should have stayed in his old room.

I can see how he feels it’s unfair that older brother has the chance to pay for his own room when he (or the other kids) don’t have the same opportunity. It seems bad to renege with my oldest now, but I’m not sure if I made a mistake agreeing to this. AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Boring_Ghoul_451 −  There is a wild difference between charging your underage kids rent, and accepting $50 a month (that is going back to the kids) so a growing teenager can have privacy.

No other children are getting less, and no one is abused by any means. Not exactly an ideal solution, but tricky problems require unconventional solutions. NTA.

410Writer −  Your eldest wanted his own space, and you found a solution that works for everyone without breaking the bank. He gets privacy, you get some help with expenses, and everyone else adjusts. Sounds like a win-win, right? But the fact that your 14-year-old is feeling left out? Yeah, that’s the fly in the ointment.

Making your son pay a small amount for the room isn’t the issue—it teaches him responsibility, budgeting, and that nothing in life is free. But the fairness aspect with the other kids needs to be addressed.

Maybe it’s time for a family pow-wow to discuss how this arrangement works and why it was made. It might not make everyone happy, but at least they’ll understand the reasoning.

NAH. You’re trying to make the best out of a tough situation. Just keep the communication open with all your kids, so no one feels like they’re getting the short end of the stick—or the short end of the couch, in your case.

virghoe333 −  Ehhh Kinda YTA in my opinion. Mostly because you’re saving his money for “summer trips.” Babe put that in a savings account for him so he can move out at 18 or 19 more easily. If you can’t afford a 4 bedroom for 6 people I think trips have to be off the table for now.

I don’t think it’s the worst idea to have him pay the $50 but be prepared for your 14 year old to want the same deal in the near future. Also, what happens when 9F gets a little older and *really* needs her own space away from brothers?

Idk, even if 16M moves out as soon as he legally can, you’re still going to have a pissed off 14M who wants the deal his brother got and a preteen/teen girl going through puberty who should *not* be sharing a room with any of her brothers.

Obviously I don’t know your situation, but the best advice I can give is don’t go back on your deal, SAVE the $$ 16M gives you for when he turns 18, and really really work on getting that extra space for when your kids get a little bit older. Good luck.

wiggert −  I recently told some of my friends what I was doing and they’re against it. They think I’m wrong for taking any amount of money from my kids and a couple of them said I should have just given him the room without making him pay for it. They make some good points, and I don’t totally disagree, and it makes me feel like an a**hole.

Do your friends pay your bills? I think not, so they dont have a say in your home. Also, just dont overshare your personal life like that, your situation is not optimal but you guys are managing, not everyone has to compromise like a single mother of five.. NTA.

5sosforever −  YTA. But not for the reason you’re asking, it is about your daughter. Why is SHE not the priority when it comes to having a separate bedroom or at least sharing with you? At 9, she is at an age where it may seem like she is okay sharing a room with her brothers but she probably isn’t.

Girls are starting puberty and becoming self conscious of their bodies at that age. They shouldn’t have to worry about sharing a bedroom with their brothers. Where is her privacy? What is you’re solution when in six months or a year when she (rightfully so) starts demanding her own space and privacy? There is no reason the oldest needs his own room in this case.

And I would say the same thing if the genders were reversed. Maybe think about switching the room situation around to accommodate EVERYONE.

chris2230a −  YTA on the grounds you had too many children and can’t afford to pay for them. I grew up like this 2 bedroom house with 5 siblings. Everyone said ohh it brings you together. No it doesn’t. I’m close to 1 brother.

The other 4 and my mom I haven’t seen or spoke 2 in 7 years. I realized I was the one making the effort. So I just said I’m gonna stop until they call. They call around Xmas and say a date. I just tell them I can’t make it.

I never stepped back into my mom’s house once I left. I said I wouldn’t. We were so poor it was awful. I saved and went to school. I’m now pretty wealthy and they all think I’m an a**hole bc I won’t be their ATM. Mom and brothers. So I just cut everyone off. I’ve never been happier.

National-Opening-506 −  YTA, but not because you charge your eldest son, but because you set a precedent in your house that you won’t be able to follow through. What will you do when your next kid comes to you and says: here’s 50 a months, where is my room? It will be a mess.

camkats −  So your 9 yo daughter is sharing a room with her brother? YTA it’s time to find a better solution for your family. Your daughter is of the age that she shouldn’t be sharing anymore with boys. You might have to move to a different part of town or find one with a bonus room that you can divide but it’s time to do something different.

ComfortableOrder4266 −  YTA. The fact he has to work for anything extra from such a young age is enough. He is already paying for his parents mistakes. He’s already losing precious hours when he could be instead studying, spending time with friends, extracurricular This is impacting his life. I’d have a different verdict if the extra money was going into an account for him, but it isn’t .

Haughtscot −  This is going to bite your ass. Your little girl is going to need privacy soon and you have nowhere to go other than to renege or royally p**s off your 14 Yr old because he can’t get the same deal.