AITA for blowing up at my mom after she said I was being lazy and should have a job by now?

A Reddit user, a 27-year-old man, shares the frustration of being laid off from his job as a Case Manager and struggling to find new work despite applying to about 30 places. His mother, in her 60s, insists that his bachelor’s degree should put him at the top of job candidates, but the user explains that times have changed, and it’s not that simple anymore.

She accuses him of being lazy when he refuses to apply for certain jobs that he feels are a waste of time. This led to a heated argument, and now the user questions whether he overreacted. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for blowing up at my mom after she said I was being lazy and should have a job by now?’

27M. Around a month and a half ago our department cut its funding and I got laid off. No promises of returning either. I’m a Case Manager. Honestly, after three years of it, I’m not ready to return either. I only got paid $18 an hour and was stressed out almost every day with a big case load of clients.

Since being laid off I probably applied to 30 different places. I lost count. My mother is helping me as well. I’ve had no follow up phone calls and can’t believe it’s this hard. 8 years ago you could just walk in anywhere, hand a resume and get an interview same day

Now everything is online. No personableness at all. The only place that called me back was an entry level stocking position and they called and told me that they had other more qualified candidates. (lol)

Here’s where my mother comes into play. She sensed me getting frustrated about the job search and will send me links of places hiring in the area.

The problem is my mother is much old fashioned (she’s in her 60s) and just thinks that I’ll get hired anywhere because I have a Bachelors degree. Just yesterday she sent me a Supervisor position at a factory and said “you have a Bachelors degree, you’ll be at the top of the list of candidates.” Like mom another one just told me that they had more qualified people to stock the shelves.

She gets upset when I say that I’m not gonna even apply because I’m wasting my time. She feels that I’m being lazy. We got into it and I thanked for the help but told her that times are changing and it’s just not easy to get a decent job anymore. I can appreciate my mothers help, but don’t like being put down for being lazy, when it doesn’t make sense to even waste my time.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA. I understand your frustration. Everyone these days has a bachelors degree. Work experience counts for far more in this day and age. That having been said, it wouldn’t have hurt to apply. I know it’s disheartening to get yet another r**ection, but every once in a while one of these longshots may actually pay off.

0princesspancakes0 −  Hmmm idk but just so you know, when applying for jobs you need to treat that as if it’s your job. So spend hours every single day applying. You should apply to like 5 minimum a day, honestly probably more for a minimum even.15 apps for a month and a half is nothing. It sucks. I get it.

I have a masters degree and I’ve applied probably to 40 places in the last week and have yet to hear back. It’s so competitive out there. Everyone’s needing to get paid and as you said, it’s just a big impersonal pool of resumes coming online. Anyways, good luck! Keep trying, be patient, etc.

psycholinguist1 −  Judging from the comments, YTA for editing your post to say you applied to 30 places rather than 15.
Also, I’m a bit perplexed at your claim that 8 years ago walking in off the street with a resume in hand was enough to get a job.

You sure you don’t mean 80 years ago? Like, applications have been online-only for a lot more than 8 years. Ten and fifteen years ago we were making fun of our parents for telling us to walk down the street with a paper resume in hand.

CornerSevere −  YTA – 15 applications in over a month is nothing! Yes things changed but she isn’t completely wrong. It’s a numbers game now, apply for EVERYTHING. I was laid off early 2023. I looked for 14 weeks – but never had one day without pay, because looking was a job itself:

Within the first week, I went to a headhunting service because I knew things had changed since the last time I was looking. They were able to access jobs from companies that did not post their own jobs. While my foot was in that door – I made it my ‘job’ to apply to at least 10 jobs a week outside of the service. After a couple weeks of no hits on my own, had to take stock, maybe it’s my resume.

I looked for a local small business that did resumes. Paid her to update my resume (and she helped me update my LinkedIn). Chatting with her I complained how time consuming it was to check out the companies, etc. before applying. She told me STOP that! Apply no matter what. IF you hear from them, THEN check them out.

While still looking, the head hunting service found a highly paid 3 month contract, temp to perm if I worked out. Started that before my severance pkg ended. That bought me more time. Continued my 2 apps day, from all postings; linkedin, indeed & glassdoor.

Temp place was talking about keeping me on, but I was unsure, yet while working there under contract, I was able to be picky and take my time for a perfect fit–finally found it, still love it, and still the highest starting salary of my working life.

[Reddit User] −  info: Is your mother financially supporting you at all during this time? Why are you not taking on a different job until the one you actually want becomes available? 15 applications in 6 weeks isn’t that great.

OGBrewSwayne −  15 applications over the course of 6 weeks seems like less than minimal effort, especially in the modern job market. It’s understandable that you might want to take the first week or two off in order to relax your mind, decompress, and come up with a plan, but it sounds like you’re not really trying to find a new job. You should be sending out at least 15 applications a week.

What is your current living situation? Do you have your own place, or are you living with mom? Are you collecting unemployment? If so, is it enough to cover your expenses? Have you considered taking on a p/t job so you have *some* income?

Also, when your mom sends you a job listing, why are you just assuming you wouldn’t make a good candidate? If you meet *some* of the requirements, then send in the application. Let the employer tell you no.You’re denying yourself opportunity by saying no for them.
Gotta say I agree with your mom. It sounds like you’re being lazy and/or reluctant to get back in the workforce. YTA.

owls_and_cardinals −  Slight YTA. Your mom’s perspective on the job market might be off base but it doesn’t change the fact that you don’t have a job and deciding to throw in the towel isn’t going to help anything.

In fact, I do think you should be applying any and everywhere; it’s essentially a numbers game. The more you put out there the more likely you get a call back and land a job, simple as that.

You should consider THIS your full-time job now – finding and applying. It seems like your disregard of your mother’s beliefs about the job market are causing you to justify not bothering to apply for things, which I think is really doing yourself a disservice.

You got laid off about 45 days ago and have applied to ‘probably’ 15 places…that’s one every three days. It might feel high-volume to you in a way but that’s actually not that much. You should consider setting a target of at least one application a day if not more.

applebum8807 −  YTA. Yeah, a bachelors degree does not guarentee you being at the top of the list but she’s not wrong that you’re being lazy, or maybe just too selective. 15 places is *very low* for a month and a half.

cLvmss −  Listen, these days EVERYTHING regarding job applications is pre screened by AI tools. You can find resume helping articles for free all over the place. Use them, and you’ll be rewarded

Fantastic-Part774 −  A month and a half is not a long time to be unemployed, BUT 15 applications in that time is very little. I think 15 applications per DAY is more realistic, at least where I live.