AITAH for refusing to accommodate my anti vax sisters children and bringing my “sick” kid around them?
A woman refused to exclude her son with chronic allergies from a pre-wedding family dinner despite her anti-vax sister demanding it. The sister, believing the boy’s allergies made him “sick,” wanted him to stay away to protect her unvaccinated children.
The woman’s niece, whose wedding it is, supported her decision to bring her son and suggested the sister and her kids could skip the event instead. While other family members urged her to keep the peace, the woman stood firm, feeling it unfair to exclude her child for the sister’s unreasonable demands. Read the original story below…
‘ AITAH for refusing to accommodate my anti vax sisters children and bringing my “sick” kid around them? ‘
Throwaway because Reddit people have issues. My (38 F) sister Karen (33 F) is the dumbest woman alive. And I mean that with my entire chest. We grew up having a great relationship until our late 20s/early 30s when Karen fell victim to the trad wife life.
She became an evangelical Christian (we weren’t raised religious), quite her impressive engineering job to become a stay at home wife, and moved to the country side to begin living off the land and popping babies out back to back. I don’t think she’s dumb for all of that, it’s what she did next.
My sister started having kids at 26 and has had a kid every year since, most of her pregnancy announcements happened when her current newborn was only a month maybe two old. She currently has 8 kids and has just announced number 9 on the way. When Karen discovered her religion she also decided to completely reject ALL modern medicine.
No vaccines, treatments, not even cold and flu medicine. Because she homeschools these kids out in the middle of nowhere they don’t have the immune system a normal kid in today’s world would have. My wife and I have 2 kids. A 10 year old and a 6 year old.
Our 6 year old has severe allergies and even in the winter months still needs allergy medicine. Because of this he’s always slightly sniffly and sneezy. He’s been checked out by specialists and doctors and he’s just one of those kiddos who’s sensitive to the nature around him.
My sister, unsurprisingly, “doesn’t understand” why we’re taking him to doctors for it and won’t accept that he isn’t sick, he just has allergies. My sister doesn’t normally attend family gatherings due to the fact that she’s pissed off nearly everyone in our family. She’s made huge stinks over my wife and i’s lifestyle, how we’re living in sin and whatnot.
She’s shamed our brother and cousins over not having traditional relationships and families. (Not being a sahm or having children before marriage). She claims our elderly relatives disabilities aren’t real and would be fixed by praying. She’s mean and judgey in general.
My niece (20F) is marrying her fiancé and our family is having a pre wedding dinner the night before at my brothers house. My niece decided to invite my sister and added her to the family group chat. My sister texted telling me she’ll need me to leave my child home so that “he doesn’t infect her children”.
I explained his allergies and that I wouldn’t be doing that and she threw a massive fit. She gave us the full antivaxer spiel about how we’re terrible people and giving our kids autism and how clearly it hasn’t paid off since our child is still sick. And that “just because we want to ruin our child’s life doesn’t mean her kids should suffer”.
She said that it wasn’t fair to forcibly exclude her kids to cater to one of mine. My brother wants me to just give in to keep the peace and not cause any disruptions around his daughter’s wedding but I think that’s ridiculous. Especially since my niece said herself she’d rather have my kiddo at the festivities than her aunt and her kids.
My niece messaged her saying she wouldn’t force my son to stay home and that if it was too much of a risk Karen and her kids should stay home. However my brother “just wants things to go smoothly even if it means excluding my son”.
Being an intelligent adult with common f**king sense I know that my child cannot give my nieces and nephews his condition. It’s chronic. Bringing him wouldn’t pose a risk to her kids. And it’s ridiculous to think he’s the only person who’d be in attendance who could give her unvaccinated children an illness.
I know that despite the fact that she’s a m**on her concern does stem from a place of wanting to protect her kids.However excluding one of my children and one of my children only from such an important happy occasion to cater to my l**atic sister is ridiculous. Especially since my brother knows that this will not be the only thing my sister will cause. issues with.. AITAH for refusing?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
AylenBliss − You’re definitely not the a**hole here. Your child has chronic allergies, not an illness, and there’s no reason to exclude him for Karen’s irrational fears. Plus, if your niece—the bride—supports you, then you have every right to stand firm. Catering to your sister will only create more issues down the road. Stay strong!
bythebrook88 − She claims our elderly relatives disabilities aren’t real and would be fixed by praying. Why doesn’t she just pray that her kids don’t get sick? /s. (NTA)
Juliet23odson3 − You’re definitely NTA here. It’s unfair to exclude your child just to appease your sister’s outdated beliefs. Family events should be inclusive, not dictated by someone’s extreme views.
FlabbyFishFlaps − If she’s on a diet, does that mean you can’t have a cheeseburger? No. This is not your problem. You’re not responsible for her kids’ health or safety. Imagine having to explain to your son someday that you let a woman like that force you to leave him behind because of a choice *she* made while the rest of you went and had fun.
Take your son, ignore your sister and her kids, have a *fantastic* time, eat, dance, mingle, celebrate your niece on this joyous occasion. Chances are, your sister isn’t even going to show up.
Cute_Beat7013 − NTA – Never mind the countryside, people like your sister need to stay in the remote wilderness so as not to let their Q-Anon-level idiocy deplete herd immunity for preventable illnesses. If I were her kid, I’d be suing for emancipation the first chance I got.
Pandoratastic − NTA. I know that despite the fact that she’s a m**on her concern does stem from a place of wanting to protect her kids.This is not true. Like all anti-vaxxers, her concern stems from wanting to feel special, like she has special knowledge that other people don’t have, which makes her superior and entitles her to special treatment.
Protecting her kids would mean getting them vaccinated. The kids are just props in her little one-woman show about how great she is.
DawnShakhar − NTA.Your niece is the one getting married, it’s her pre-wedding dinner and she should be the one to decide whom to invite, whom to exclude and to whom not to give in. Her decision was to invite you and your family, exclude no-one and not give in to your crazy sister.
If your brother is hosting the dinner, he has the right to exclude your son. In which case I would make it clear that neither you, your wife or your children will be attending. If he wants to clash with his daughter about it it’s his problem.
This is a guess, but I think that your niece only invited your crazy sister because your brother pressured her to “keep the peace” “for the sake of the family”. If I’m right she would be very happy if you sensibly insisted on bringing your son, and released her from the burden of her crazy aunt.
savinathewhite − NTA. Choices have consequences. Your sister chose her lifestyle and now has to deal with the vulnerability this caused in her children. If her lifestyle is so perfect and “prayer can cure any illness” then why is she worried about your child “infecting her children with allergies”? Won’t her prayers cure them?
People who believe a host of illogical ideologies and refuse to accept facts, won’t be able to think critically about other facts. You know allergies are not contagious because it is a fact, but in her skewed perception, facts are meaningless. Her argument makes no sense.
Ignore the tantrum, or ask her why she’s so worried about ger children getting sick if prayers can cure anything. If your family members make a stink, point out that attending will put HER kids at risk, because someone in a wedding is going to be contagious and the kids are all unvaccinated.
It’s not your son that’s a risk factor, but the dozens of other people around that might have picked up a bug and not know it yet. The safest thing for those children would be to stay home with their judgy and delusional mom – because there’s no way she’s finding a sitter for 8 kids.
Organic-Mix-9422 − The niece gave her preference. That is what rules.
PhantomVictoria69 − NTA – your sister’s ignorance and refusal to accept modern medicine is not only endangering her own children, but also causing unnecessary drama and tension within your family.
Was she right to stand her ground, or should she have compromised for family harmony? Share your thoughts below!
