AITA for calling out my friends that didn’t tell me they were in town for a tailgate?

A 24-year-old woman discovered that her friends visited her college town for a football tailgate without informing her, despite her mentioning her plans in their group chat. Feeling hurt and excluded, she confronted them about it, only to be met with claims that she should have reached out to them first.

They also went out with her roommate afterward, which intensified her feelings of being left out.

‘ AITA for calling out my friends that didn’t tell me they were in town for a tailgate?’

I (24F) found out that a group of my friends came to my college town for a football game tailgate, but they didn’t tell me they were coming. I still live here, and I had mentioned in our group chat that I’d be tailgating, which I thought was an open invitation for them to join or let me know they were around.

Instead, I found out through social media that they were tailgating without me. When I asked why they didn’t tell me, they said they assumed I was busy at another tailgate. This confused me because I had mentioned it in the group chat specifically to invite them. They’re now saying, “the phone works both ways,” as if I didn’t already reach out.

To make things worse, they went out after the game to meet up with my roommate and even went to breakfast the next morning—again, without telling me. I felt really hurt, so I called them out on it. Now they’re saying I’m being confrontational and dramatic for bringing it up, but I just wanted to express how left out I felt. AITA for feeling excluded and calling my friends out?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

MissionHoneydew2209 −  Your acquaintances didn’t want to spend time with you this past weekend, OP. Your initial message said you were already busy, and you expected people to read your mind that you wanted them to let you know if they were in town.

The melt-down about not being included is probably a huge clue as to why you weren’t invited to breakfast Sunday, and your roommate was. YTA for calling your acquaintances out: they get to spend their time any way they want. You’re welcome to feel left out, but you can’t guilt people into wanting to hang out with you. Edit: spelling

lihzee −  I had mentioned in our group chat that I’d be tailgating, which I thought was an open invitation for them to join or let me know they were around. Mentioning something offhand like that isn’t an invitation. You basically told them you had plans already. YTA for blowing up the way you did.

ImissBagels −  I’m not sure how to vote here. You saying you’re tailgating is not an invitation to them. If you wanted them to join you you should have said ‘I’ll be tailgating, let me know if anyone wants to join me!’. They made other plans because you didn’t invite them, they didn’t invite you because they thought you were busy with your other plans. Did you confront them about the tailgate before or after they went out and went to breakfast?

OrangeCubit −  So to be clear, you did not invite them? You just said “I am tailgating”?

Having-hope3594 −  YTA “i called my friend horrible names and told them to go f**k themselves over this, because i’m not letting this go” It sounds like they wanted to do their own tailgating and assumed you had plans since you mentioned tailgating in the group chat.  Yeah, it does hurt when people come to your town and don’t tell you.  But it does seem your reaction is over-the-top. 

_mmiggs_ −  Please grow up. Your “friends” don’t have to spend time with you every time they come to the town you live in. They’re allowed to spend time with other people too.. YTA

Hot-Specialist-5397 −  Yes. They didn’t want to see you this trip. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Move on

applebum8807 −  “I had mentioned in our group chat that I’d be tailgating, which I thought was an open invitation for them to join or let me know they were around?”. Well, what did you say?

“i called my friend horrible names and told them to go f**k themselves over this, because I’m not letting this go.” ……Well, what did you say? Apart from the go f**k themselves.

Delicious-Sale6122 −  YTA, and they aren’t your friends

Country-girl7053 −  My take is you’re friends with them but they’re acquaintances with you. The friendship is deeper for you. Get new friends. Real friends. Next time make sure you say “You’re all invited to join!” So there’s no mixed signals. The “they thought you were busy” is weak even to me. Just move on and get better friends. It also sounds like your roommate sucks.

Is it reasonable to expect friends to communicate when they’re nearby, or should individuals take more initiative? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!