AITA for being picky with what my boyfriend cooks for me?

A Reddit user shared a dilemma on r/AmITheAsshole about her boyfriend’s frustrations with her picky eating habits. Living together has meant more shared meals, and while her boyfriend enjoys cooking, she often finds herself picking apart the food due to texture issues. This led to a heated argument over dinner, leaving both parties upset and unsure how to resolve the conflict.

Read the full story below to dive into the details and share your thoughts!

‘ AITA for being picky with what my boyfriend cooks for me?’

This is my first time posting on here so i’m sorry for any mistakes i’m making. Me (22F) and my boyfriend (25M) recently moved in together, so that means we’re having every meal from lunch to dinner together. he absolutely loves to cook for people, it’s his love language. And he especially loves to cook for me. the thing is i’m a very selective eater, my main problem is with textures honestly.

He’s a really good cook so he cooks like actual proper meals, with all vegetables and seasonings and ect i mean. but those type of things are my absolute worst nightmare. We were having dinner last night and the atmosphere was already tense because we were, and still are honestly, in a fight about something stupid and petty, so we weren’t taking much.

He made this salmon dish along with some greek salad, and he made some wedges for me too, like he always does make something on the side for me, cause he knew i wasn’t going to eat much of everything else. So my plate was the wedges and a bit of the salmon, which i had to work on (meaning removing all the vegetables, little pieces of onions, the little flakes of chilli, things like that really bother me).

And he was watching me do that, honestly i didn’t really think it’s a new thing in our relationship i thought he was used to it at this point. he broke the silence and he was like is something wrong with your food? and i told him no it’s great, just a lot of small little things yknow. and that’s when he kinda snapped he told me how i should start cooking my own damn meals if i always have such an issue then (he always insists on cooking for me though).

He talked about whenever we order or eat out i’m more than fine eating that food, but when he cooks i always have to “dissect it”. i told him how maybe i wouldn’t have to dissect it if i actually liked his food.

We kind of went back and forth about it and we fought a bit, then he told he would appreciate it “if i kept my n**rotic tendencies in control tommorow” so i don’t embarrass him. we have a gathering today at our house, and it’s a one dish meaning everyone brings over a meal).

I haven’t really been speaking to him since last night but i eventually will have to when the guests come. I genuinely don’t do it on purpose and i get that it can get annoying to deal with, it’s frustrating for me too.

But all up till now he honestly hasn’t ever lashed out at me about this issue he’s been so patient and understanding, i think it was just stress from work that made him snap and out previous fight. this is so long i apologize haha, feel free to ask for any information i might’ve left out though.

Lets dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Kukka63 −  I think you need to cook your own food. It’s incredibly frustrating when, after someone makes a real effort to cook awesome food, is for you to pick at it. You both have a different attitude and palate, there is nothing wrong with recognising that your boyfriend’s food is not to your liking. However, he also needs to accept that you are not compatible food wise and stop cooking for you.

flowerybutterfly96 −  Info: you can eat takeout without dissecting it, but not his food? What can you eat?

Tdluxon −  YTA. You said that he’s a good cook, and when he asked you about your meal you said it’s great, but then later you said “I wouldn’t have to dissect it if I actually liked his food.” So your sending a lot of mixed messages.

I’d say just talk to him, tell him “you’re a great cook, your aren’t doing anything wrong, I’m just a really picky eater so from now on just don’t cook for me and I’ll cook for myself because I have such specific tastes.”

applebum8807 −  “he talked about whenever we order or eat out I’m more than fine eating that food, but when he cooks I always have to dissect it. *I told him how maybe I wouldn’t have to dissect if if I actually liked his food.”*

You lost me here. IMO that was pretty mean considering making food for you is his love language and you seem to have *no qualms* about him doing the cooking. If you don’t like his cooking, then do it your damn self. YTA.

JPenelope −  INFO. Have you been working on broadening your culinary horizons? How restrictive is your food preference? (As in, are you one of those people who doesn’t eat much more than chicken nuggets and fries?). Do you at least take vitamins to fill the gaps in nutrition that you are inevitably facing if you pick out all the vegetables from your food?

You say that you don’t dissect takeout food, can I presume that also holds true when you go to restaurants? So you only dissect out seasoning, aromatics, and veg as it concerns food your boyfriend has prepared for you…? That’s… not good and suggests that your food issues have less to do with flavour and texture and more to do with control. Maybe your boyfriend is right and you should just prepare your own food.

MissAnth −  Wait, what? You eat food at restaurants covered in little pieces of onion and flakes or pepper, but you won’t eat it when your bf cooks it for you? YTA.

laughinglovinglivid −  YTA. You went straight to insulting his cooking after previously saying he was a good cook. He’s right, you should just cook your own meals, you’re just rude and ungrateful at this point.

No_Read_4327 −  YTA and here’s why:
Why can’t you specify what exactly you like or dislike to your boyfriend, but you can do so in a restaurant? Your boyfriend clearly made the effort to make food for you separately, which is a lot of additional effort. He didn’t seem to mind doing that.

However what made him snap is that despite his best effort you still felt the need to “dissect” his food that he so carefully prepared for you. If you would have told him beforehand, he could have made it more to your liking. He clearly feels like he is being disrespected and his efforts weren’t good enough.

To add insult to injury you also verbally confirmed this by saying “I wouldn’t have to dissect it if you made it how I like it” which was extremely rude.
Moreso because you know it’s his love language. So you not only disrespected him, you also make him feel unloved.

And as an autist I can completely relate to having to eat certain things in a certain way. Just be clear about it upfront. If he knows exactly what you like and dislike he’d likely be more than happy to accommodate, especially if he gets to see you actually enjoy the food he made for you.

I’m gonna go with YTA on this one. I think you should apologize and have a good talk with him explaining him in detail what your food preferences are. Make sure he also feels appreciated. Thank him for the effort he made, make sure he knows you value his effort to cook your meal separately from his.
Having an eating disorder is no excuse for being rude.

GirlDad2023_ −  Just start cooking your own food and let him cook his. YTA.

Health_Cat_2047 −  YTA, cook your own damn food. No further elaboration needed.

Do you think the Redditor’s concerns about textures justify her actions, or was her boyfriend right to feel frustrated after cooking for her? How would you handle differences in eating habits in a relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences below!