AITA for refusing to let my husbands affair baby live with us for awhile?

A Redditor recounts a tense situation with her husband, whom she reconciled with after he had an affair and fathered a child with another woman during their five-year separation. Recently, his ex-mistress asked if they could take in her son (the child from the affair) for an extended period due to a work opportunity.

The Redditor refused, feeling it was too painful given the boy’s origins. Her husband, however, believes she’s being unfair, especially since he cares for her daughter (from a previous relationship) as his own. Now, she’s questioning whether her refusal was too harsh. Read the full story below for more context.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my husbands affair baby live with us for awhile?’

I married my husband very young. Three years into our marriage we got a divorce, because he had an affair and got his mistress pregnant. We were split for 5 years, then decided we had changed as people, and reconciled for our daughter(we had before the divorce) and for ourselves, with help of counseling.

We’ve now been together 6 years. During the years apart I had another child with a serious partner who sadly passed away. A few days ago we get a call, from my husbands ex mistress. She says her job wanted her to fly out of state this weekend for an opportunity but it is in possible with her son and asked us if we would be willing to take him in so short notice.

Usually my husband gets a hotel and stays with his son when she flies out, but she said this time would be a longer term stay. I told my husband absolutely not, that wasn’t happening. He said I was being unfair, and that he cares for my daughter (who’s from my late partner) like his own, and I should do the same.

I screamed at him and said “my daughter isn’t the product of my affair, absolutely no way is he staying here.” He got angry and said that I was being ridiculous and a b*tch, because the child is innocent. In my eyes it hurts me too much to look at that boy. Aita

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

onlytexts −  You married him. He cheated. Had a son.. You divorced him.. You remarried him. Did you think the kid was going to dissapear? You chose to forgive the affair when you remarried him, that forgiveness has to include the child. YTA and you know it.

Positive_Dinner_1140 −  YTA. You should have never remarried him if you couldn’t accept this child.

Sassrepublic −  You do not get to be angry about the affair once you REMARRY the guy who cheated on you. You don’t get to pull this scorned woman act. You divorced him, you moved on from him, you had a relationship serious enough to result in a baby, then you made the fully informed *choice* to remarry your ex who now has a child and a babymomma.

If you didn’t want the child around and you didn’t want to deal with the other woman, you needed to stay *not married* to your ex. The kid is not “the product of an affair” he’s your stepson. You chose to be his stepmother when you married his father. It is literally that simple. You are a massive a**hole and a genuinely terrible person. YTA.

Edit: thank you everyone for the awards! I did not expect this to be a popular opinion given Reddit’s view on cheating lol. I guess I’m glad to see we’re all capable of a little nuance every once in a while. Hopefully OP can get her s**t together and start treating her family like human beings.

solcrav −  I wouldn’t want to deal with this kid either but I also wouldn’t had remarried him after the affair, so YTA

GS52 −  YTA. You got remarried to your husband knowing he had a kid. If you couldn’t accept his kid into your life, then you shouldn’t have married a man with a kid.

Darkalleyandabadidea −  YTA. I don’t think you understand what it means to forgive. Which you were never obligated to forgive him but you chose to remarry him and continue having a life with him. His life includes a son regardless of how the came to exist.

I went ahead and grabbed the definition of forgive for you:. for·give. /fərˈɡiv/. verb. past participle: forgiven .stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. If you haven’t forgiven him you should go ahead and remove yourself from this marriage.

Osamadodo −  Wow! You’ve won the YTA award here! I’m rarely at a loss for words. Your poor stepson. Your husband is also an AH for allowing this situation in the first place. If you accepted him after infidelity, you accepted his child and baby mama as a package deal. Can you not imagine if one of your children were in the same position?!? The child did not betray you, your husband did!

Wherestheshoe −  A**hole, I think you should go stay in a hotel while your husband looks after the children. They should get to know each other and obviously you can’t bear to be around this small and innocent child. So grow up or go to a hotel.

Sure_Whatever__ −  YTA. It’s obvious you are still bitter about it despite the 11+ years and having remarried him. And since you cannot yell at or punish him or the mistress directly anymore, you use the kid as a conduit to punish both of them. Shame on you. If you still are not over it then leave. Otherwise start being as good of a parent to this child as he is to yours. Or at least being a civil human being to the child.

Chaoticgood790 −  YTA you got with him knowing this child exists. So maybe stop punishing the child who didn’t ask for two s**t parents. Can’t stand when people forgive the c**ater but take their anger out on the only innocent person involved. It’s gross

Is the Redditor justified in refusing to let her husband’s affair child stay with them, or is she being unfair to an innocent child? How would you handle this delicate situation, balancing personal pain and family responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!