AITAH for stating I didn’t see the point of my estranged/ex husband bonding with our unborn baby?

A Redditor shares a complicated situation involving her estranged husband, who moved back in temporarily due to a flooded apartment. Despite being in the process of a divorce, the two slept together, leading to an unplanned pregnancy. While the husband is excited to become a father, his overbearing attempts to bond with their unborn baby have left her feeling frustrated.

When she told him that she didn’t see the point of the bonding since the baby can’t hear yet, he became upset. Now, she’s left wondering if her comment was too harsh or if her frustrations are justified. Read the original story below for more details.

‘ AITAH for stating I didn’t see the point of my estranged/ex husband bonding with our unborn baby?’

Around 8/9 months ago, my husband V filed for divorce. I considered us divorced from that moment. However, our state requires us to be separated for 1 year before the divorce is finalized. A few months ago, 2 things happened. 1. I developed a health issue (that doctors are still trying to diagnose) and 2. V’s apartment flooded and he asked to live with me.

I agreed. We slept together once and it was a mistake. Unfortunately, living together meant that our separation was no longer valid so once he moves out we will have to redo the divorce. This was very messy compared to the clean divorce I had envisioned. I also ended up pregnant.

I had been getting regular periods so I didn’t know. I don’t know how our coparenting situation would look like but V would make a great father. He is very excited. The problem is his attitude. He’s always been an overthinker and with my health and the pregnancy he has been paranoid.

He’s bought only organic food. He’s afraid of me being in contact with cat litter. We don’t have a cat. He has told literally everyone that I have a health issue and to call 911 and him if they see any signs. Things like that. He also insisted on bonding with the baby because he thinks it’s helping. This mostly consists of naps, talking to the baby, and him resting his head near the bump.

The baby can’t even hear yet. I have morning sickness. V brought up the bonding thing with the baby. I told him that it was nice of him to offer but I didn’t see the point of him bonding with the baby when our little one doesn’t know what’s going on. V was hurt and he sulked the entire morning. I don’t know if I am the AH for my comment. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Eladiun −  Q: Why are you getting divorced in the first place? Because you are both doing a really s**t job of not being married.

Tat2dGothic79 −  Yea, he’s not going to go through with moving out now.

achiyex −  y’all did the opposite of divorce

mgaessler −  NTA. What everyone is forgetting is that he maybe the father but he is not OP’s partner anymore so it’s only natural that OP wouldn’t want him talking to her belly or putting his head on her lap or be in her personal space while she’s vulnerable. He can have his bonding time after birth.

Strange_Kinder −  “I envision a clean divorce.” “So anyways, I let the guy impregnate me and move in.”. This website lmao

Existing_Winter5679 −  NTA. If you still plan on divorcing him, he needs to go. Get the separation back up. You can set up a custody agreement once the baby is born. Tell him he’s gotta go

jadepumpkin1984 −  Nta. But he needs to move out asap or he will never leave. Start divorce process that day. And lock all your medical information down now.

SerenityinHeresy −  NTA, from your comments it seems as you’re in your early stages of pregnancy, so you are right in assuming the baby can not hear the fathers voice. Also, you are doing this big thing of sharing your body with another organism, you don’t need to tag on STBX on top of that if you’re uncomfortable.

I know when I’m stressed & sick, someone constantly talking to my stomach & touching it isn’t going to make me more comfortable. It’ll stress me out & that’s not good for the baby. Don’t know if it’s the same for you, but Mom definitely doesn’t need extra stress of having to placate a man’s feelings right now.

Sounds like you’re also seriously considering letting him read/talk in later stages of the pregnancy, so people should back off on how you choose to allow them to interact with your body. Pre-school 101, keep your hands to yourself unless given permission.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. I’m all for a father being involved from conception forward, but nobody (not even your husband) has a right to your body regardless of any additional beings your body is harboring and growing.

He can bond after the baby is born. Until then, he needs to respect your bodily autonomy. With that said, if you really want to get divorced, letting him move back in for any reason was a dumb decision, and you’re going to have a hell of a time getting him out now.

[Reddit User] −  NAH. You’re both going some weird s**t right now and I can’t really fault either of you for being tense. He should probably cool it, but he’s an excited soon to be dad. You’re pregnant while both of you are getting divorced. I can’t blame you for being snippy when he’s annoying you.

He’ll get over his sulking. But you both need to have a discussion about what this coparenting this is going to look like. From what you described he won’t be moving out anytime soon

Was the Redditor wrong for dismissing her estranged husband’s attempts to bond with their unborn baby, or is she justified given the complexity of their relationship? How would you navigate co-parenting in such a challenging situation? Share your thoughts below!