AITA for not celebrating Father’s Day for my husband?

A wife expresses frustration for not celebrating Father’s Day for her husband after he consistently forgets her important dates over the past six years. Instead of making a special day for him, she chose to pamper herself and left him to prepare his own breakfast.

When he complained, she explained her feelings, leading to an argument and him staying with his parents. Now, she’s questioning whether she ruined her marriage by making a point about his neglect. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not celebrating Father’s Day for my husband?’

Am I The A**hole for not celebrating Father’s day for my husband? I (34) female and my husband (36) male have been married for 12 years. For the past 6 years my husband has forgotten my birthday, mother’s day, and our anniversary. At first I would be upset and cry to him because how could my husband forgot about me on the important days of the year.

Everyone that is close to me knows my love language is gifts no matter how big or small. I would write my husband cards, buy his favorite cologne, shoes, leave little cute sticky notes around to show my love and appreciation to him. Eventually I got tired of crying and begging my husband to remember and celebrate with me on the days that matter the most.

Father’s day came around and usually my husband would wake up to breakfast in bed with a day planned out to celebrate him but today he woke up to absolutely nothing. My husband came up to me asking if breakfast was ready and I pointed him to the fridge where all the ingredients to the breakfast he wanted was waiting to be cooked.

I decided to have a day of pampering for myself. While I was out my phone kept going off like crazy. When I looked at my phone it was messages from my mother in law expressing her disappointment in me for lack of appreciation for my husband. She told me he called her upset because I didn’t do anything for Father’s day for him.

I explained to my mother in law why I didn’t do anything which she explained to me that my husband has never been good with remembering dates or planning thing’s romantically.

I kindly told my mother in law that what she was saying was false because the one thing that made me fall inlove with my husband was his show of appreciation for me. He used to plan dates, buy me flowers and surprise me with little meaningful things to show his love. After I got off the phone with my mother in law I started to head home.

Once I arrived my husband clearly angry started expressing the way he felt without caring to hear why I chose not to celebrate this day for him. The conversation turned into argument that ended with my husband going to stay his parents. It has been three days and he has not contacted me or returned any of my calls.

Today is my husbands sisters baby shower and I get a text from her asking me not to come due to the issues me and my husband are having and that she doesn’t want him to be upset or uncomfortable.

I am beyond hurt that my husband is acting this way and I am also wondering did I really just ruin my marriage because I wanted to make my husband feel what it’s like to be forgotten? Was it worth? Am I the a**hole for not celebrating Father’s Day for my husband?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

CarlaQ5 −  Wow. You married into a family of enablers. Compared to ongoing passive-aggressive behavior, being neglected, getting gray-rocked, divorce doesn’t sound like a bad alternative. Why are your in-laws so involved anyway? That’s unhealthy.

ElleArr26 −  You didn’t ruin your marriage. Your husband has been ruining it for six years. NTA.

shaylgarcia −  What marriage is there to ruin. Marriage is a partnership and he just wants it to be one sided. What he did during your courtship is called love bombing. He showered you with love and attention to get what he wanted. Once he had it, he dropped the act.

He is s**fish and immature and he clearly inherited that from his family. Maybe your second husband will treat you better now that you know what to watch for.

MissNikiL −  NTA.You said you have one child but I believe you actually have 2. Your husband has decided you are not worth the effort of filling your happiness cup. We have these amazing computers now that got in our hand and you can add things to the calendar in it to remind you of special dates- some are even preprogrammed!

Like Mother’s Day! And Father’s Day! Unless his is broken. But somehow he remembered it was Father’s Day. Weird. It’s almost like he’s being willfully disrespectful of his wife.. Look. You have 2 options:

1.) Couples Therapy and try to save the marriage.
2.) Separate and eventually divorce.

Remind his mom that he didn’t forget it was Father’s Day so obviously his memory isn’t the issue. He just doesn’t care.

SparklyVolcano −  NTA …he went to his parents? Over not getting a big pamper on Father’s Day? Ma’am that is not your husband, that is a toddler.

BB_67 −  Holy crap, NTA. What a tool. It’s hard work to continue expressing love that goes unrequited. He didn’t get his breakfast and goes running to mummy.
The only thing perhaps you could have done differently is communicate it prior to the day.

“I think I’ll join you in not celebrating special occasions any more. It was important to me, but you don’t seem interested, so we’ll just leave it. If you want a Father’s Day breakfast, the ingredients are all in the kitchen”.

lifevisions −  You did not ruin the marriage…He did ?!! He’s a petulant child and a**hole. He literally has shown you NO signs of affection, appreciation or respect!!! He goes running to his parents?? His sister disinvited you ?? Good for you for not being thoughtful!! Bravo to you for speaking the truth !!

Bravo to you for Speaking up for yourself and loving yourself enough too !!! Do not call him, text him…he needs to realize He IS WRONG!!! He obviously has no regards for you !!! With your absence let him realize you are the best he’ll ever get and he’s wrong for running away and engaging his parents in this !!

If I were you I would also start preparing to separate!!! There is a likelihood your marriage may get worse. Believe me when I say it you are not wrong!!! You would be wrong calling him, texting him because he wants you to feel bad !! He’s trying to punish you for standing up for yourself!!

literallynotlandfill −  **He’s expecting more from you than he is willing to do for you.** You are NTA and you deserve better.

LovBonobos −  You don’t say if you have kids? As your husb is not your father then your children should plan the day (if you have them). Father’s Day is not “husband day” so all the crap you are getting from him is total BS unless you have kids and they didn’t do something for him.

The family’s involvement is way over the line, they sound like a bunch of s**fish e**itled misfits. Time to decide if all this is worth being ignored by someone who is supposed to love you. You are NTA.

bokar1 −  You should have told him you got him for father day the same as he gave you for mother day

Should the wife have celebrated despite her husband’s past forgetfulness, or was her response justified? What are your thoughts? Share below!