AITA for not going to a meeting my stepsister and and her mom had with our principal?

A 16-year-old refuses to attend a meeting with her stepsister and their principal after her stepsister experiences severe bullying. The backstory reveals the stepsister previously bullied her for years after their parents married, leaving deep resentment.

Despite pressure from her father and stepmother to show support, she declines, explaining she feels no empathy due to her stepsister’s past behavior. Although her parents are upset, they refrain from punishing her given the circumstances. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not going to a meeting my stepsister and and her mom had with our principal?’

When I (16f) was 6 (almost 7) and my stepsister (16f) was 7 we each lost a parent in an accident that happened locally. This made my dad and her mom close and they ended up getting married two years after the accident. My stepsister hated her mom marrying my dad. She didn’t want her mom to move on so fast and she didn’t want to be my family.

We didn’t really know each other before even though we were in the same school but she resented the idea that from that accident she needed to get a step anything let alone a stepdad and a stepsister. She bullied me which was something her mom and my dad did address.

But then she got sneaky about it and told me she’d make my life worse if her mom found out it was still happening and I believed her. It started out with her calling me names (when the adults knew) and telling kids at school I wet the bed because my mommy died in a really taunting way.

When it got more secretive she’d wish me dead and she’d tell me that she hoped the rest of my family would die and I’d end up all alone. She also told me my dad loved her mom more than mine but that her mom would always love her dad more. She warned me she’d show embarrassing photos of me too if I didn’t do what she said.

It got so bad that my dad kept trying to make me tell him and two years after I had stopped letting him know what was happening, I spilled my guts about it. Dad was so upset/angry and my stepsister was punished really harshly for it as well as getting a new therapist, she already had one but a new one was found.

We also did some “family” therapy together. But I never really saw her as family and honestly I say stepsister to stop any complaints about me saying dad’s wife’s daughter after all this time because I know people expect some kind of family unity. Things have now turned for her and she’s been bullied really badly at school.

I know and I don’t care at all. I don’t feel bad for her. To me it’s a crappy person being treated the same way she treated me. I know she was young and it’s basically stopped (because she doesn’t want to be punished, not because she likes me or regrets it) but I just don’t care. I hate that we’re still related through marriage.

Some photos of my stepsister were sent around school which caused a really big b**lying incident last week and she locked herself in the girls bathroom. My stepmom made plans to talk with the principal and she and dad wanted me there as support for my stepsister but I didn’t go and they don’t like that I didn’t go.

All weekend we had these talks about how it would have been good to support my stepsister and how I know b**lying and could be more empathetic. I told my dad I can’t find it for her. That I just do not like her or think she can ever be someone I would help or support. They’re pretty pissed with me and the only reason they didn’t punish me is because of what happened before.. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

PumpkinPowerful3292 −  NTA – You made the right choice. Supporting your step-sibling after all she has put you through in my mind is a bridge too far, sad, but that’s is how I feel about it.

Your step-sister needs long term serious therapy and until she has reached a place that a honest and open relationship can exist for her, I feel you being a part of the process is just too early for the whole process at this time. What is needed is space from each other and for her to heal in her grief for her Dad properly and healthy.

Tell your Dad when your step-sister is in a better place than maybe there can be a reconciliation, but not now. Forcing some type of a family bond that doesn’t exist will not help the step-sister and may it worse.

kimba-the-tabby-lion −  NTA. This makes me furious. how I know b**lying and could be more empathetic. They think being bullied should make you more empathetic to **your actual b**ly**??? 🤬 I am so sorry you are being put through this.

Cursd818 −  NTA. Tell your father that you are disgusted by how he let you be mentally and emotionally tortured for two years right under his nose and did nothing, and is now b**lying you into being an emotional support animal for your abuser. He should be absolutely ashamed of himself for being such a bad parent.

There is NO way a good parent wouldn’t know what was going on for two years, especially when you were both young. And there is NO way a good parent would treat you this badly about refusing to enable the girl who absolutely brought all of this on herself. Shame on him, and his wife, for the mess that they created and are now trying to offload onto you.

CarolAnderson159 −  NTA. Your stepsister bullied you for years, causing you emotional distress. Your father and stepmom are aware of the history between you two, and their request for you to support her seems to overlook the pain she caused you.

mrmses −  NTA and to be honest, I’m mostly mad at your father. He should have been protecting you and instead, he moved your into a house with your tormentor. And now he’s expecting you to aid her? No way. Tell dad that you are disappointed in him.

You hold no expectations for the other girl, because she has shown a youthful banality of bad character so you won’t speak out against her but neither will you defend her. But Dad needs to realize that he set up a really bad family life for you after your mother died (I’m so sorry), and this is what your life yields.

LouisV25 −  NTA. I wrongly laughed out loud because my first thought was “Why would OP be sympathetic to her b**ly.” Just tell them that “In light of strained relationship I have with her, I didn’t think it appropriate to be there. She still hates me. I prefer not to be involved. It may make things worse.“

KSknitter −  NTA, so the person that tore down the bridge needs to rebuild it. That mean *your step sister* needs to make amends before you start helping her rebuild. I don’t hear anything about her change of heart or actions she took to fix the issues *she made*. It sounds like you are apathetic to her.

Like something bad happens, you feel bad like you would for an internet stranger, but I am not invested. I am not dropping my life to go off and help them. In fact, you might even feel more for the internet stranger and willingly talk to them and advise them. The truth is that she trained you not to care about her.

You had to become like that because she would always attack you. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it is a good skill to have in fact because you are more resistant for it. She needs to learn the same now. Tell your parents, “At least she can go home and escape it and home can be a safe place for her. It was never a safe place for me because she was there to hurt me.”

davekayaus −  NTA but your parents are. Steel yourself for more of this drama as you get older and don’t involve your stepsister in your major life events.

strawberryskies_ −  NTA. Your actions were justified. Your stepsister isn’t e**itled to your kindness and empathy after what she put you through. What she did was really serious and she should have given you a genuine apology. Expecting you to put on a smiley face and be there for someone who bullied you for years is unreasonable.

Do you think she was justified in not attending, or should she have offered support despite the past? Share your thoughts below!