AITA for not helping my dad’s wife during my mom’s parenting time?

A 16-year-old boy feels burdened by his father’s wife, whom he dislikes for being pushy and disrespectful of boundaries. Despite her high-risk pregnancy and health issues, he refuses to help during his mom’s parenting time, prioritizing his feelings and the established boundaries.

His dad insists he should be more compassionate and supportive, labeling him immature for not wanting to assist. His mother supports him in standing firm against these expectations. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not helping my dad’s wife during my mom’s parenting time?’

My dad and his wife are expecting a baby together. She has a 10 year old daughter already. Dad has me (16m). They’ve been together for about 7 years and married for 4. It’s been 5.5 of knowing them for me. I don’t like my dad’s wife. I find her really bad with respecting boundaries and overly pushy.

When she was still only dating my dad she showed up to be a parent chaperone for my class field trip even though she and dad knew mom was doing it and I had already said no to her. She kept trying to make me walk closer to her than my mom too. When I ignored her mostly she got really pissy about it.

Dad told me I could have appreciated that she wanted to be there for me. When they were engaged she made me come dress shopping with her and kept pushing for me to give feedback on the dress. I said repeatedly I didn’t care. She told me I should help my new “bonus mom” find the perfect dress.

I pulled a disgusted face and she asked what that was for. I told her she wasn’t my bonus mom and I hated that title. She told me she doesn’t want to be my stepmom. She wants to be my bonus aka second mom and I didn’t have to like it but I had to lump it and one day I’ll love her back.

When schools were virtual because of Covid and I had to go to my grandma’s house while mom worked she showed up at grandma’s house and tried to take me to her and dad’s house. My grandma threatened to call the police on her because she wasn’t supposed to be there. A few times she brought her daughter to try and make us give in.

Didn’t work. So yeah, I don’t like her. I just about tolerate her. But I don’t care about her at all and I’m not super worried for her now. Her pregnancy is high risk and she was diagnosed with a pretty risky illness/condition.

It’s her kidney and something else. But after she found out she was pregnant she started getting really sick and this diagnosis makes the pregnancy high risk too. She goes to the hospital three times a week for treatment and has to stay in bed when at home.

When dad has parenting time he makes me get lunch ready for me, his wife and her daughter and I’m supposed to see if she needs anything. I do it as a chore not because I care. But now they expect me to go to his house for a bit after school when it’s mom’s parenting time and make lunch for her and her daughter.

I refused and mom had my back. Dad told me I should be doing more to help because this is my family and my unborn (half) sibling at risk and my “bonus mom”. When I didn’t give in dad told me I should be more mature and understand compassion and helping family.. AITA?

Lets dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Astroblemes −  NTA – it’s not your responsibility to take care of your stepmom and her daughter. You are not a parent and at your age you should still get to be a kid forget that whole ‘be mature’ nonsense. There must be others who can help or they can hire someone worst case.

Cursd818 −  NTA. Tell your father that you’re not his slave, his wife is *not* your bonus anything, and you are only there because you are forced to be. If he wants someone to take care of his wife, he can step up his damn self, not try and b**ly you into doing it for him. That is despicable parenting. Shame on him.

Frankly, at 16, you can decide where you go and who you see. If you don’t want to go to your dad’s, you don’t have to. The police won’t do anything about it, and if your dad takes your mother to court, the judge will ask you what you want and then act accordingly. Think about it.

old2old2 −  Schools do not allow random strangers to show up and participate as chaperones.

Auntie-Mam69 −  NTA. Actually it’s your dad who should be more mature and understand compassion and helping family by treating you and your relationship with your mother with respect. You are not a pawn to be passed to the woman your dad dates and then marries, and used as her son.

He doesn’t get to share you with her like you’re some object he owns. You are your own person, and your father and step mom have no claim on your emotions. They can demand you do the chores around the house while you’re there, chores being making lunch for people, until you’re old enough to leave, which will be soon, but they can’t force you to be there when it’s your moms parenting time, and they can’t force a feeling of family towards this woman on you.

plantprinses −  No sweetie, of course not. Let me tell you why. For one, your mom’s parenting time is just that: her parenting time, not your dad’s. Secondly, your dad’s wife is not your mother: you have one. She wants you to see her as a ‘bonus’ mom, but that doesn’t mean you have to, of course.

She can want all she wants, but that doesn’t create an obligation on your part. She’s also not your family in the strict sense but also not in the sense that she raised you: your mother did the basic raising. The other thing is, she’s your dad’s wife: who else but your dad should take care of her?

Why can’t your dad make a pre-prepared lunch for his wife and step-child? I mean, schoolchildren take their lunch with them in their lunch-boxes, so why can’t he do something similar? If your dad needs help, why can’t he ask his wife’s relatives or something? You don’t even live with your dad!

Don’t let him guilt you into doing things that makes no sense. I’m afraid that once you start making lunch, he will ask you to ‘just put the laundry away’ or something and then, later on, ask you to do some other small task, say babysit, and before you know it, you’re doing way more than you want and should be asked to do.

Perhaps, when your dad talks about coming over during your mom’s parenting time, tell your dad to contact your mom first? So that you don’t have to deal with your dad directly?

ApprehensiveRoad8818 −  Your dad is expecting you to violate the agreed parenting schedule, without your mother’s consent. NTA. It doesn’t matter what names he calls you, he’s out of line and needs to pull his head in.

You help out when you are required to be at your dad’s, and that is very generous of you, since the woman has violated your boundaries and just been frankly weird. Who takes an 11 year old boy dress shopping and expects feedback?

NotTodayPsycho −  The 10 year old is old enough to make a few sandwiches. Even my 5 year old can make up a plate for herself from stuff in the fridge

Backgrounding-Cat −  Info: you are 16. Can you reduce dad’s parental time?

Next-Firefighter4667 −  Who takes a teenage boy dress shopping? That’s so weird. your dad and step mom s**k, NTA

Safe_Draft_1330 −  NTA maybe time to get courts involved again and see if you can dictate how you spend time with your dad so you don’t get forced into caregiver roles anymore. Worst case you only have a few years left then you can do what you want but at your age I’d hope the courts would give you more control.. Good luck

It’s essential to prioritize your own feelings and boundaries, especially in complex family dynamics. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!