AITA for not being ready, for my mum’s new boyfriend to join us for Christmas?

A 28-year-old woman is navigating the emotional aftermath of her parents’ divorce, which occurred earlier this year after 30 years of marriage. While she supports her mother’s new relationship, she feels unready for her mother’s boyfriend to join their Christmas celebrations.

Her mother insists she is being unreasonable, claiming it’s been long enough since the divorce. The woman is considering spending Christmas with her boyfriend’s family instead. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not being ready, for my mum’s new boyfriend to join us for Christmas ?’

My (28F) parents (50s) divored at the beginning of this year, after 30+ years together. We (my sister and I) knew they had been unhappy for a long time, so we weren’t surprised and were supportive of the divorce. Things started amicably, but turned u**y in the spring, when my mum found a boyfriend.

The divorce hadn’t gone through yet, and my dad reacted quite badly. Things have been tense since. My sister and I decided, that we should split up for Christmas this year, and “take” one parent each. I got my dad, but he asked me, if it was okay if he did something entirely different this year, and went on a holiday. I was supportive of this.

This meant, that I was now free to join my sister and mum. But my mum is saying, that she would like her boyfriend to join us for Christmas. And I just don’t feel ready for that. My point of view is, that this is the first Christmas after the divorce, and I would like to only have to cope with that.

With this new normal, and not having my whole family together for Christmas. My feeling is, that it feels like way to much for me to cope with, if her boyfriend is there too. Now, I have met her boyfriend multiple times, and am fine with him. I’m just not ready for him to join us for Christmas yet.

This year has been a lot for me, and I’m still trying to find my new normal, after the divorce. My mum keeps saying, that I’m being unreasonable, and my reaction is way to strong. That maybe I’m not handling the divorce well, because I live futher away (an hour and a half).

She says, that I’m putting her in a difficult position, and that it’s been a long time since the divorce (less than a year). I have the backup plan of joining my boyfriends family for Christmas instead. But, again, my mum thinks that is a very strong reaction. AITA, for not being ready for my mum’s boyfriend to join us for Christmas?

Or am I being unreasonable and childish? I feel like, that it’s still so soon after the divorce, but my mum feels differently, as she says her and dad very divorced mentally for a long time before.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

SDstartingOut −  NAH. I just want to throw this out there though. We (my sister and I) knew they had been unhappy for a long time, so we weren’t surprised and were supportive of the divorce. Things started amicably, but turned u**y in the spring, when my mum found a boyfriend.

The divorce hadn’t gone through yet, and my dad reacted quite badly. Things have been tense since. You knew they been unhappy. The way your dad is reacting – is making me think your mom was the unhappy one. You say she’s in her 50s. How many Christmas’s does she have left?

Probably somewhere in the 20-30 range. My point here is that – time is not unlimited. She’s been unhappy. She probably simply doesn’t want to waste any more time.
It’s already been a year. So again, I don’t want to minimize your feelings – and I won’t call you an a**hole. But I don’t think your mom is either.

The whole divorce being finalized piece is just the s**tty legal system, which was often used to keep women in marriages they wanted out of.

CommunityGreat9255 −  YTA. If you were 8 years old, ok…you might have a case. But at 28, you can’t grasp the concept that both of your parents moved on probably years before any paperwork was started?

You write “…but my mum feels differently, as she says her and dad very divorced mentally for a long time before.” Yup. The irony here is, your parents probably stayed married for many years longer than they should have “for the kids”. In return, kiddo wants to punish them for doing that.

(essentially) as you (kiddo) argue that it’s too early after divorce for YOU to cope with the new boyfriend. She’s in her 50’s. Should she make you feel better by waiting until her 60’s to start dating again?

IronyHurts −  NAH. You need to accept that your parents have been checked out of this marriage for years. To her, she already waited years before getting a new boyfriend.

Intelligent-Entry792 −  YTA. You’re 28 not 10 and you knew your parents were not happy together it’s not fair for your mom to miss Christmas with her boyfriend because you’re not “comfortable” . If you wanna join your boyfriend’s family how do they feel about it will they be comfortable with the change? Unfortunately somethings are not up to us

Zarathos8080 −  YTA. So it’s ok for your dad to leave town on a vacation and not see his adult kids for christmas, but your mom better not enjoy herself? That’s ridiculous. If he stayed home but mom went on a trip with her boyfriend, would that have been ok with you? Somehow I doubt it.

Her boyfriend isn’t a stranger to you, you say you’ve met him several times. Why can’t you hande one night under the same roof?

NaryaGenesis −  You don’t have to join their Christmas but you can’t tell her not to bring him. Your emotions are yours to manage. She didn’t cheat, she is not responsible for your father reacting badly to a normal inevitability, and you are not a child.

They have been unhappy for years and your father is allowed to do what makes him happy but she isn’t?! If you’re not ready then don’t join them but don’t put it on her.. YTA

nachoteacup −  NAH because I also found it tricky having my parents divorce when I was in my 20s and it took me a while to come to terms with it even though it was on the cards for some time. But that said, it would probably still be nice to spend some time with your mum over Christmas.

Could you maybe split the day between your boyfriend’s house and your mum’s? Maybe start off with your mum and if you find it awkward with her boyfriend there, you have somewhere else to go?

thatgirlshaun −  INFO: why is this an “all or nothing” situation? Can you and your sister ask that you spend a Christmas brunch with mom, just the 3 of you, and then leave her to have dinner/supper with her boyfriend? Maybe you join them for dinner or maybe you go visit with your boyfriend later in the day?

Some kind of compromise? Such as spend Christmas Eve or the 26th together, just mothers/daughters?

HellerrrItsMe −  You’re e**itled to your feelings. With that being said I think you need to let her move on and be supportive of that. She was probably ready to move on long ago so though it may seem short for y’all, she’s been mentally gone for some years possibly.

My dad just died suddenly a few months ago. No warning. He was 72. I would give anything to see him. Don’t waste precious moments being bitter about her living her own life how she deems fit. Sometimes it’s not easy to be supportive of others with decisions we don’t always agree with but she’s your mom.

Love her anyways. Enjoy Christmas together and bring him a gift. He’s the one spending time with your mom daily. Get to know him.

boredmom1978 −  YTA for telling your mom she shouldn’t invite her boyfriend. you’re a grown adult not a child. If you want to go to your boyfriends families for Christmas I think that’s fine.

It’s understandable to need time to adjust to significant changes in family dynamics. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!