WIBTA for making my boyfriend miss a “wedding” to go to lake house with my family?

A Reddit user shared their dilemma regarding a weekend commitment that conflicts with their boyfriend’s friend’s wedding. The couple has been together since early 2023, and the user’s parents have invited them to their lake house for a family gathering, which would be the first time they are all together since the start of their relationship.

However, this invitation coincides with a wedding celebration for the boyfriend’s college friend, whom he isn’t particularly close to. The boyfriend was initially not invited to the wedding but received a late invite to the after party, which he is excited about.

The user believes the family gathering is a rare opportunity and feels conflicted about potentially making him miss the wedding festivities. Read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA for making my boyfriend miss a “wedding” to go to lake house with my family?’

25F and BF 27. We started dating in early 2023. I live in a different state than my parents. The state our lakehouse is in is almost in the middle of where I live and my parents (and brother) live. My parents both travel a lot with work so I don’t see them very often.

In 2 weekends, my parents asked if my bf and I would like to go to our lakehouse for the weekend with them, my brother and his wife, my niece and my grandparents. This will be the first time since before my bf and I were dating that we will all be together like this.

Now why was wedding in “”… my boyfriend has a friend from college who is getting married that weekend. I’ve only met this friend once and I don’t think my bf has seen him much since college. I don’t think they’re that close. Let me preface this by saying I kind of feel bad for him…

When they got engaged my bf told me about it and was going on about how great of a wedding it’s going to be. After a few months go by it turns out my bf was not invited to the wedding (which isn’t small, 150+ guests). He found out through a friend who was.

Recently (like a month and a half ago) the friend reached out to my bf and invited us to the after party. So after the wedding and reception (this after party is NOT the reception) they have a bus to a bar where some people from the reception will go. This party will be from 11-2. He’s over the moon and wants us to go.

I think we should go to the lake house because this is a rare opportunity. I might be an a**hole because we heard about the “wedding” first. Splitting up is possible but I want him to be there and he wants me to be there.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

dart1126 −  NAH. I guess I can understand him wanting to go, but I’d definitely feel more conflicted if it was really to attend the ACTUAL wedding reception. It sounds like your boyfriend considers the groom more of a friend than it’s reciprocated. Which is a shame.

Being invited last minute to the after party is kind of l**e. I’m sure you’re walking a fine line with him when you probably want to say ‘dude, groom is an ass and doesn’t care as much about you as you do him so come with me instead’.

Over-Ad9975 −  YWBTA if you “make” you boyfriend go. Your boyfriend had prior plans and these plans do seem important to him (even if they don’t seem important to you).
So making him go with you instead of a prior commitment that he had would be the AH move. I’d say that splitting up for the events is a better move.

Spare-Shirt24 −  YWBTA to “make” your bf miss his previous plans but YWNBTA to ask him if he would *consider* going to the lakehouse instead.
Your bf already had plans that he was looking forward to and if he wants to go there, he should and you shouldn’t be upset if that’s what he chooses to do.

juicer42 −  The thing is the wedding is a one time opportunity and while it may be rare for your family to get together in this way at the lake house it is unlikely to be the last time. Talk to your BF more- the wedding may be the only chance for him to see some of his old college friends, even if they aren’t that close any more.

Friarboy −  Yes, YTA for “making” him. Have a grown up conversation and decide to go to one or the other, or split up.

Impossible_Rain_4727 −  NAH: You should go to the lakehouse with your family. He should go with his college friends who he hasn’t had the opportunity to see in years. I think it would be unfair to ask the other to give up seeing their people.

huevorch −  YTA. He clearly wants to go, and it was a previous commitment. I don’t think you get to decide if it’s OK for him to want to go or not. It might not even be the friend, but all the other friends that he’s going to meet from college what is making him want to go, even if he is not being considered for the reception.

What makes you AH, is to have to force him into something. That’s never something good in a relationship.

Laines_Ecossaises −  INFO: How are you making him go? Doesn’t seem like an AITA situation. You two need to work this out but no one is an AH for wanting to go to their events. Although your bf sounds kind of pathetic for relishing a pity invite, it doesn’t make him an AH.

8888rahim −  Apologies (sort of) for my cynicism. You’ve been dating for a year and change, don’t mention if you live together or how committed this relationship really is. By no means should you feel compelled to go to his college reunion (which may not even be about the groom, but wanting to hang out with a group he’s got positive history with).

But by NO means should he be pressured to spend a weekend at a lakehouse in another state, a longass drive away, likely thinking he’s going to feel awkward like an outsider, smiling politely and having a miserable time being trapped, while you do the s**t you like to do with your family.

It’s one thing if your parents were in town and he were pressured to go to dinner with them for a few hours; 3 days stuck with strangers having to pretend to have a good time even if he’s miserable (and having to take a long drive there and back)? That would be presumptuous and controlling for you to expect, even if you were married.

You express nothing but a judgmental attitude toward his desire to be among friends (maybe the group experience nostalgia more of a draw than the actual groom dude). You don’t get to decide whether he should be offended by the invite to after- party; how arrogant of you to think you know better than him how to feel about the nature of this invite.

He’s not keeping you from your family get together. You passing judgment on his desire to hang with old friends as a group suggests you have low regard for him, and doesn’t bode well for the future of your relationship. Just sayin’..

iftair −  YWNBTA as long as you ask him. Demanding him to go to the lake house with you may come off as rude and not letting him make his own decision.

Is the user wrong to prioritize the family gathering over the after party, or is it understandable to want to spend time with family? How would you navigate this situation if you were in their shoes? Share your thoughts below!