AITA for giving a friend a bill after hosting him?

A Redditor hosts a friend visiting from Germany for ten days, providing transportation, accommodations, and meals during the trip. Despite the generous hospitality, the friend does not offer to contribute financially or express gratitude.

After a week of covering expenses without acknowledgment, the Redditor presents the friend with a bill for his share of the costs. This unexpected move leaves the friend shocked and the Redditor questioning whether they were in the wrong. Read the original story below to delve into the complexities of hosting and expectations.

‘ AITA for giving a friend a bill after hosting him?’

A friend came to visit my country for 10 days and stayed with me and my partner. To show his gratitude, he brought us 4 bottles of wine , around €6-8 each. We drove him for over 1,000km for a few days to take him on adventurous trips around the country. It’s usually expensive to rent a 4×4 and hire a tour guide here.

We were essentially his driver, tour guide and host. We prepared a guestroom for him with toiletries in his own bathroom, made all bookings, and prepared camping gear for him. I thought the wine he brought would even out our “service” for him, and we picked him up at the airport at 4:30am to be a good host.

However, every time I took out my card to pay for our meals, he sat silently. I was happy to treat him for the first meal or two as a host, but after 6 days (like 7 meals), his silence unsettled me. The same when we had to pay for attractions, gas or groceries. No thank you, no offering, nothing. Just sat silently.

I admit I was never upfront with him about finances. I just assume as an adult in his 30s with a professional job in Germany, he would offer to pay for his share, chip in, or take turns to pay for meals. He also never mentioned paying us back for the hotels we paid for him.

I consulted him on the prices before booking, so he should know he had to pay. He only brought $200 cash here, and his hotels were already over $200. He didn’t seem to plan to pay us back in cash. I was antsy. He also rented a sedan for city sightseeing in between but the car rental was at the airport.

We gave him a ride to the airport at first, and he hinted he wanted more rides from us to take him home after he dropped off the car, and a ride to the airport for his 4:20am flight. I told him to take a taxi, it’s less than €6. On his last day, a few hours before he flew, he still mentioned nothing. We presented him with a bill for his hotel, meals and groceries.

He seemed taken aback. We told him we spared the gas in exchange for his wine. AITAH for giving him a bill that listed out all his expenses? As a host I should be more gracious, or upfront if I were transactional, but his silence, not even a thank you, upset me and made me give him a bill. This person is not close to me. We met on a trip 8 years ago and hadn’t seen each other for 6 years. He was interested in seeing my country.. 

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

TapTheMic −  **ESH:** **He’s an ungrateful user and you and your partner don’t plan well or establish ground rules.** The reality is you should have had a discussion around costs before you invited him out. Unless you establish that there is an expectation of payment for allowing him to use your home and what not, it doesn’t hold up to request repayment after you have already given him those things.

Would it be kind and polite for him to pay you back? Absolutely. The fact is you never had that discussion with him. If you actually did push the issue with him he’d simply argue it was a gift because you never established beforehand that you were going to expect repayment for anything. On his last day, a few hours before he flew, he still mentioned nothing.

We presented him with a bill for his hotel, meals and groceries. He seemed taken aback. We told him we spared the gas in exchange for his wine.. Yeah. You really s**k at this. You waited until the last day to tell him you expected repayment. If you had established at the beginning of this whole exchange you expected to be repaid for costs, he would have likely found alternatives instead of relying on your generosity for his trip.

A friend came to visit my country for 10 days and stayed with me and my partner. To show his gratitude, he brought us 4 bottles of wine , around €6-8 each. He felt guilty about using your generosity and so he brought you wine as part of an exchange. That was literally him saying “thanks for allowing me to stay, here is some wine as a thank you.” Either you’re playing ignorant to this or you’re genuinely as bad at this as I stated previously.

If he doesn’t end up paying you back, he’s rude but this is ultimately your own fault. If you actually tried to sue him after the fact to recoup the costs, I don’t see how a court could enforce an agreement he never agreed to and that you didn’t tell him about until the last day. You really screwed yourself.

embopbopbopdoowop −  You kept paying and never brought it up for TEN DAYS, then presented him with a bill. He may have found it odd as well, but perhaps assumed it was a cultural thing, that you *wanted* to pay and considered it part of hosting. You said you’d bring out your card then look at him – easy to interpret that as “I’ve got this” rather than “last chance to jump in and pay instead”.. ESH for not just talking about it.

neogeshel −  Paying for him at all was completely bizarre to me but I suppose it’s different in different cultures with hospitality.

laughinglovinglivid −  ESH. He should have offered to pay for things, or at least said thank you, but you never established any kind of payment or terms with him, then dumped a huge bill on him.

tworaspberries −  Yta, how did you let this go on past day 2?  Can’t spring a bill on him at the end.  So odd.

Aw_Yeah_Nuh −  He’s a user. That would have been apparent very quickly so you were foolish to expect him to eventually do the right thing. You should have looked at every dinner bill and told him what his share was. You should have told him he would need to put his credit card down to reserve hotel rooms. Of course, he had access to more than $200 cash.

ESH. I can’t say that you are an A H (he definitely is) but presenting a bill at the last moment of his trip is a poor way of handling resentment. In future, be more straightforward and “rude” if necessary.  He knew what he was doing and took advantage  of your passivity.

Entire_Preference_69 −  ESH. He absolutely should have been responsible for his own expenses, but you don’t get to pay for things and only AFTER present a bill when you two have never agreed to repayment.

SerWrong −  When you plan the itinerary with him, did you share the cost and inform him how much each activity and rental he needs to budget?

erinjeffreys −  I’m so *confused* why you planned a ten day lavish vacation full of restaurants and driving and camping for someone you met on a trip 8 years ago, haven’t seen in 6 years, and aren’t close friends with. I wouldn’t do all this for my BEST friend, though partly that’s because I’m old and tired. But, wow!

If nothing else, you’re incredibly generous with your time and emotional effort. He sounds like a user; the fact that he never once thanked you would’ve gotten under my skin too. I think the lesson you need to learn here is (a) discuss these things in advance and (b) maybe…..put less of yourself into the people who don’t deserve you. Save that energy for yourself and the folks who love you. (Do you suffer from People Pleaser syndrome like so many of us?)

FelonyNoticing1stDeg −  This sounds like a conflict in a really dumb movie

Do you think the Redditor was justified in presenting a bill to their friend after hosting him, or should they have been more gracious and upfront about finances? How would you handle a situation where a guest doesn’t contribute to shared expenses? Share your thoughts below!