AITA for refusing to talk about my half brother anymore?

A Redditor shares a painful story about their relationship with their half-brother, Sam, who has consistently rejected their sibling bond since childhood. Despite their mother’s efforts to encourage a relationship and provide therapy, Sam has verbally expressed his disdain, saying hurtful things that have left a lasting impact.

After a prolonged illness that saw the Redditor hospitalized for ten weeks, they decided they no longer wanted to engage in conversations about Sam, who has continued to show indifference toward them. This decision has drawn criticism from their parents and extended family, who believe they should acknowledge Sam’s existence. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to talk about my half brother anymore?’

My mom had a son before me, my half brother Sam (26). Sam’s dad died when he was 5 and my mom and dad met two years later and had me (17F) within two years of their relationship starting. Sam never considered me a real sibling and he resented me for having asthma.

I remember being 5ish and I was in the hospital with breathing trouble. My dad caught the stomach flu and couldn’t stay in the hospital with me. So mom did. Sam showed up and told mom he wanted her to cheer him on at football practice. She told him she’d need to do it another time because she couldn’t leave me alone.

He said he didn’t care. Mom took him outside the room but I heard him say to her 3 times in a row that I wasn’t his real sister, I was JUST his half sister, and he was an only child. He also said he didn’t care if I died. I wasn’t his problem. I was still really sick at the time so some extended family told me I had imagined it.

But a few months later when I was healthy he came out and said it in front of everyone at a family dinner over something mom bought him but she bought it a week too late or something because my asthma medication had to be paid for the week he wanted it originally.

He’d get mad if I did something fun while he and mom spent time together doing something fun. Especially if it was with our shared grandparents or an aunt/uncle. Even though they did stuff alone with him too. And he was really awful when someone would take the two of us to do something. If cousins were involved he’d ignore me and try to leave me behind.

I heard more times than I can count that I wasn’t his real sister. I also heard him complain so many times that mom didn’t ignore me and devote all her time to him. He wanted dad to stay out of his way and made it clear dad wasn’t his dad. But it was me he had the biggest issue with existing.

He told me to my face that I didn’t deserve to exist. My mom had him in therapy and she punished him for being mean. I never saw it help. And I know he still doesn’t care because I ended up very sick last year and was in the hospital for 10 weeks with asthma complications.

He never visited or called to check on me and I heard mom one night fighting with him because she was horrified he said something about me being sick and probably how he didn’t care. Sam gets talked about a lot though and my parents and extended family mention him to me and try to get me to talk about him. I’m sick of it.

He hates me. There’s nothing about him I want to talk about. So I told my parents a few weeks ago I was done talking about him and I told extended family later. They told me I can’t act like he doesn’t exist and it won’t help things.. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Signal_Wall_8445 −  NTA. You absolutely can act like he doesn’t exist and it WILL help things for you if you don’t have to deal with him. Your family is just being s**fish because it makes things more complicated for their plans of ignoring what a j**k he is to you.

MattDaveys −  They told me I can’t act like he doesn’t exist and it won’t help things. Maybe they should direct that comment to your self declared only child sibling. Or are his actions grandfathered in?

diminishingpatience −  NTA. They told me I can’t act like he doesn’t exist. Yes you can.

Recent_Nebula_9772 −  Wow! 26 years old and he still acts like a petulant 10 year old. Your mom must be so disappointed in him. What a let down as a parent to have one of your children behave like that. For you, no contact is the only way to go. If your parents talk about him just don’t comment.

FairyFartDaydreams −  NTA it is not your fault you were born into a family with a s**fish e**itled AH already there. I know a few people that have had kids with half siblings that they absolutely love and can share their parents. Some kids want to be an only child and sharing is not in their nature

Shadow4summer −  You can absolutely act like he doesn’t exist. Because in your world he doesn’t. NTA. And tell the rest of your family to mind their own damn business!

jacksonlove3 −  NTA and why is it ok for him to act like you don’t exist but not the other way around. They can’t force either of you to love the other or have any kind of relationship.

Worth_Tip_4877 −  NTA. So you can’t act like he doesn’t exist but he can and has your whole life? You have every right to want this person out of your life and to not want to acknowledge his existence anymore. I’m so sorry you’ve had to grow up hearing these things…

swillshop −  “You can’t act like he doesn’t exist” and “it won’t help things”.. NTA, OP. Tell them: “*You can’t act like he’s going to change and start to love and accept me as his sister any minute now. There are 17 years worth of evidence that he will not.*”

and “*Therapy didn’t help. Punishments didn’t help. Time with me didn’t help. Time away from me didn’t help. You are absolutely right – pretty much nothing is going to help him change how he sees/feels about me. But this isn’t about helping him or changing him.*

*This is about ME. Just ME. I don’t need the noise of his hate/contempt/distance – whatever word you want to use – in my mind. I don’t need to pine for someone who never loved me or wanted me in his life.*

*You are welcome to think about him all you like – without dumping him on me. I’m not imposing my desire NOT to think about him on you. Please do not impose your desire to think about him on me. I’m not imposing my acceptance of him as he is on you; please do not impose your hope that he will change one day on me.

The only feelings I associate with the thought of him is (1) his hate for me and (2) my frustration that you won’t let me exist without having his hate for me front and center in my mind.*

*You don’t get to decide what he or I should feel or want. You just don’t. So, at least, show me the courtesy of accepting and respecting that I don’t want to hear or think about him.*”

Bfan72 −  NTA. It’s time to start preparing them for when you don’t want him invited to any of your special moments in life. It will cause less problems, because you won’t have to deal with the drama of him not coming after being invited.

Is the Redditor justified in refusing to discuss their half-brother, given the history of rejection and hurtful comments? Should they feel obligated to engage with family about someone who has been unkind? How would you navigate such a difficult family situation? Share your thoughts below!