AITA for refusing to give my MIL alone time with my child (7 months)?

‘ AITA for refusing to give my MIL alone time with my child (7 months)?’

My MIL and I don’t really get along. Before my daughter was born we were fine but ever since the labor she’s been very on my husband and my parenting style, how we are handling our child and critics us on everything. We came to terms with it and try to balance the time we hang out with me husband’s parents because sometimes it’s just too much.

We usually try to meet them outside or at our place that way we can go home or put our baby to sleep more easily. Every time we meet with them, my MIL at some point asks to take our daughter for a walk around and disappear with my daughter alone.

This weekend I told my husband I find it a bit weird that she insists on taking a walk with the stroller even when we sit in a restaurant. It pissed me off and I asked my husband to be more firm with those walks – there is nothing that is being told or played with our daughter that we shouldn’t see or hear, and if that’s the case it should not happen.

He agree with me and we talked about strategy moving forward but now I’m rethinking it and wondering am I the a**hole for not giving my MIL alone time with my daughter? A bit of background – they are not watching her alone anymore because they did some stuff we don’t agree with and didn’t kept our boundaries.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

PracticallySkeptic −  NTA. A seven month old doesn’t need “alone time” with anyone except her parents. I do wonder what these people did that you disagreed with previously, given that at this age it’s about basic care. If it’s a safety issue that would be more serious for “alone time” than something else you simply do differently.

Bethechsnge −  I would come up with sentences and actions for various scenarios. For example,
“No, she doesn’t need a walk right now. This is her indoor time. My baby has a schedule and I already took her for her walk. You can visit her while we are all together.”

Any arguments look at her and say “my baby, my rules if you want to spend time with her.” If she continues, take the baby and leave the room, saying “arguments are not allowed around my baby.” Repeat this until she realises that an unhappy dil ends her baby time.

Aggressive_Cattle320 −  NTA. It is never a good sign when grandparents refuse to follow your rules and respect your authority in parenting. Her behavior sounds a bit odd.

I’d be very uncomfortable with her strange walks alone with your daughter, even if you are out to dinner?!! Your husband seems to be on board with you.If your gut tells you something just isn’t right, then listen to it. She can spend time seeing her grandchild while visiting with you.

Tell them you are not comfortable letting her out of your sight as she is only 7 months old. And they should not be surprised if they have done things you did not agree with in the past. She is your child, not theirs. They need to play by your rules, not their own.

_s1m0n_s3z −  NTA. Insisting on taking your baby away out of your sight is hinky as hell. Be especially on your guard.

TheOnlyKirby90210 −  NTA. At 7 months old your baby shouldn’t be anywhere you can’t see them. And considering your history with MIL my first suspicion is she’s either trying to get y’all used to her leaving with the baby in preparation for whatever she actually plans to do later, like sneaking your kid off to an orphanage or god forbid something worse.

Or this is some kind of creepy behavior in general. There was a story i read several months ago of an OP who’s spiteful MIL suddenly turned nice and super supportive after the baby was born.

They came to rely on MIL’s help a lot up until MIL locked herself in a room with the newborn and let the baby scream for ages because it was hungry and she refused to feed it. OP called the cops and they had to force the door open and by then the baby’s throat was raw from screaming so long, their eyes were bloodshot and they were red like a cherry.

Luckily no lasting damage but it was obvious the MIL tried to cause the baby to stress to d**th. Given it was a newborn that was a frighteningly real possibility. There was another OP who’s in-law kidnapped her son’s daughter and had her relinquished to an adoption agency with forged signatures. Point is you can’t be too paranoid. Trust your gut instinct.

Ta11Baby −  Not the a**hole. It’s 100% the parents’ decision who gets to watch/spend time with their young children, and I’m glad your husband is on the same page as you! It’s sounds like MIL has already disrespected your boundaries round your daughter previously, so this is even more understandable.

If you haven’t already, you could try to tell her “baby is good here while we’re having dinner, but we can all go on a walk together after if you’d like.” (You could even offer her to push the stroller IF you feel ok with that).

Vast_Toe_9886 −  If you have legitimate concerns about your MIL’s ability to care for your baby due to health issues, a lack of childcare experience, or past behavior, prioritizing your child’s safety is absolutely valid. Babies require specialized care, and your comfort as a parent is important.

kassyrov −  If she’s crossed boundaries before, it’s totaly fair to limit alone time. You’re the parents, nd you have every right to protect yur child nd ensure yur boundaries are respected…..

bearhorn6 −  NTA this is just f**king weird. I love my lil cousins there’s loads of em. Never once have I or any aunt/uncle/grandparent wanted to have alone time with them until they were actual people who can ya know speak and have a personality.

Babysitting sure, baths with other family members around sure , diaper changes again not totally alone. Like why would it even occur to someone to want or ask for one on one time with a tiny human who can’t get communicate.

Ladyughsalot1 −  NTA. They have poor boundaries. That means no 1:1 time. It’s not a punishment, it’s a natural consequence.