AITA for choosing to celebrate my birthday with my mom and her boyfriend instead of my dad and his family?

A Reddit user shares a conflict after choosing to celebrate their 15th birthday with their mom and her boyfriend instead of their dad and his family, which includes a stepson and a half-sister who share close birthdays. The user explains how joint parties at their dad’s house have felt more focused on their younger half-sister and stepbrother, leaving them feeling overshadowed.

After their mom threw a personalized party just for them, their dad was upset, calling the decision hurtful to their “siblings.” Now the user wonders if they were in the wrong. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for choosing to celebrate my birthday with my mom and her boyfriend instead of my dad and his family?’

My parents divorced when I (15m) was 2. My mom’s had a boyfriend since I was 6. Dad got married when I was 8. My dad has a stepson (11) and his birthday is 2 days before mine. So when dad first got married again he made us have a joint birthday party and made a huge deal out of my mom doing something as big or bigger.

He said she should let him take care of those parties and she should celebrate with me alone. Instead of making it a fight she’d take me and my best friend to do something to celebrate. My half sister was born on my 10th birthday and she was added to the joint celebration at dad’s.

They made a very big deal about us being birthday twins and my dad’s wife got on my ass about me not being happy about it. I HATED that she was born on my birthday and now had to share with both my stepbrother and half sister. She told me we’re all siblings and I should love sharing with my little sister.

She said I wouldn’t be as upset if she was a full sister but that was *poop* and I should embrace having a sibling who shares my birthday and shouldn’t make a big deal out of it because she’s half. I don’t have fun celebrating with my dad’s family.

The parties are more for my half sister and stepbrother than me and really I feel like everyone makes a bigger deal out of us having the same birthday and birthdays so close together. We get so many photos taken together and dad’s wife is always criticizing the fact I’m not hugging them or kissing them or holding my half sister or being silly and loving to them in the photos.

She says I look so cold and like we’re not actual siblings. I rolled my eyes at her one year and she told me it hurts the kids and not her so I should be better. Dad doesn’t care about her saying this stuff.

I talked to mom about it and she agreed to throw me a party this year, like a real one. We invited all my friends over and she got a huge bounce house with a water slide attachment and she bought huge (and really huge) water guns and set it up where me and my friends could have a blast.

She also set up the basement for a games night sleepover too. It was the best birthday I had in years. I always preferred celebrating with mom but she threw a party I enjoyed more and I liked that it was just about me. My friends had more fun too because we didn’t have to watch out for little kids.

We could go crazy on the bounce house and slide. When dad found out about the party he got so mad. His wife was angry that I didn’t save the experience to share with my stepbrother and half sister. My mom told dad to leave me out of it and she never should have tried to keep the peace for my sake by listening.

He said parties should include my siblings. She said not when they’re at her house and for me and friends. Dad told me he’s disappointed I couldn’t embrace sharing parties with my siblings and chose my mom to have my 15th party.. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Even_Budget2078 −  NTA. OP, your dad and stepmom are being ridiculous. Your mom is awesome for realizing her mistake and giving you a proper birthday party. Your FIFTEENTH birthday party!! That your dad wanted you to have a joint party with an eleven year and a FIVE year old?!? Get outta here with that! Nonsense. I’m glad your mom did right by you and I hope you have an even more awesome 16th bday party!

Kaynico −  NTA. You have to share your birthday with *two* “siblings” and your dad can’t understand that his push to force you to give up any chance of having a day to be celebrated is putting a giant wedge into his fantasy “perfect family?”

Enjoy your time with your mom. She’s absolutely correct that there is no reason to share anything with anyone else on your special day – and she has every right to let you feel special, cherished, and loved.  Even with twins, good parents at least *try* to find ways to celebrate each individual instead of just lumping them together as a bargain unit.

Only-Ingenuity7889 −  No 15yo wants to have a collective party with an 11yo and 5yo, no matter what the relationship is and no matter who is hosting.   It will inevitably always be skewed to cater to the younger kids. I’m so glad you got the birthday celebration you deserve.  NTA

Livid-Dream5433 −  NTA. Your dad can’t forbid your mom to throw you a birthday party. And you should be given the chance to choose if you want to celebrate with your step/half siblings. If they don’t have the means to throw multiple parties, that might mean you don’t get a celebration, but I feel it’s better to have no party than a party you don’t enjoy.

Ok-Horror-1049 −  NTA. Your parents are divorced. Your mom is allowed to spend her time/ celebrate your birthday with you how she pleases. Just as your father has done for all your past birthdays.

He also needs to realize (as the adult here) that you have feelings and instead of insisting on things like this, to find ways to work with you together to come to a happy outcome that works for everyone.

busyshrew −  NTA. Your father dictating how your birthday got celebrated AT HIS EX WIFE’S house makes him an enormous Ah, I can see why she’s better off without him. OP, every child deserves a super special birthday that celebrates THEM. You deserve this and ignore your dad. He’s being a jealous, controlling ass. Hope your next birthdays are all extra special and filled with love. Enjoy them guilt free!

MerlinBiggs −  NTA. You wanted a birthday that was just about you. Your dad doesn’t get to say what ‘should’ happens at your mums place.

fiestafan73 −  I was married for years to someone whose birthday was the day before mine, and we would celebrate together. He grew up in a religion that did not believe in celebrating birthdays, so celebrating was new to him, and eventually our birthday really just became about him. Even as an adult, I resented that.

Sharing your birthday as a kid has to be way worse. You deserve a day that is about you, and it should have no bearing on what your relationship is with your siblings. In fact, I would say your stepmother is making your relationship with them worse by fostering resentment.

And your father should know after all these years that he gets ZERO say over what happens are in your mother’s custody. It is none of his damn business if she decides to throw you a party every day you’re there. NTA.

Current_Permit1589 −  NTA, it’s your 15-year-old birthday; you can enjoy it with your friends. Your mom is your rock. I’m so happy your mom threw a birthday party for you. As your father and stepmom, all they care about is your stepbrother and half-sister. They can host their birthdays on their own and leave you alone.

Sassypants2306 −  NTA. I guess you know who you will have your 16th, 17th and 18 with. What’s your custody arrangement like? If you could, go live with mum.

Was the user wrong for choosing a birthday celebration focused on them instead of sharing the spotlight with younger siblings? How would you balance family dynamics in this situation? Is it fair to expect them to share every birthday celebration with their half-sister and stepbrother? Share your thoughts below!