AITA for “treating my sister like a criminal” since my nephew found out she lied about his father his whole life?

A Redditor’s sister has kept a significant secret from her son, who recently learned the truth about his biological father after being told lies for 16 years. The sister married her first husband at 20, who died shortly before their son was born. She later married another man who adopted her son, and they fabricated stories to convince him that his adoptive father was his real dad.

When the nephew discovered the truth from a cousin, he felt betrayed and has been vocal about his anger towards his parents. The sister is upset with the Redditor for being unsympathetic towards her plight, accusing her of treating her like a criminal. The Redditor argues they see the nephew’s perspective and does not feel sorry for the sister, who caused the situation. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for “treating my sister like a criminal” since my nephew found out she lied about his father his whole life?’

My sister got married for the first time 20 years ago. She was 20 and she and her husband had dated on and off since they were 17. She proposed to him and at the time she acted like she did it because she loved him so much and knew she was ready to settle down.

She got pregnant 3 years later and he died before their son (aka nephew) was born. By that point their marriage hadn’t been great and she admitted to me that she proposed because he’d wanted them to break up for good and she hadn’t wanted that to happen.

Despite them being bad together he was SO looking forward to being a father and had a little keepsake box he’d started when he fond out he was going to be a dad. I took that after he died and kept it safe because my sister wanted to throw it out. I knew one day my nephew might like to see his dad loved him even if they never got to meet.

My sister has no idea. Less than a year later she met her current husband and they got married after dating for 8 months. He adopted my nephew before his second birthday. They also changed my nephew’s last name to reflect their marriage name/his adoptive father’s name.

My sister did not allow her late husband’s family to see my nephew and because she remarried, and he was adopted, our state did not allow for grandparents rights. They did try to seek some sort of legal access but my sister did not want nephew to know her husband was not his bio father.

She told our whole family we had to act like her husband was her son’s “real father” because to her that’s who was his real father. My sister and her husband had other kids as well and they were a mostly happy family. There were times my nephew would ask questions about his birth and why there were no photos of when he was a baby with his parents.

But they made up lies to make it believable. My sister’s husband served in the military before they met and they pretended he was overseas serving when my nephew was born. A few months ago, right after my nephew turned 16, one of his cousins on his paternal side reached out on social media.

This cousin is also 16 and she let him know the truth. He came to me first and I comforted him and apologized for being part of the lie. I told him I had wanted to be there when he did find out instead of losing touch for refusing. He understood.

I was the only person to apologize to him and as of now he has cussed out his parents and made it clear he won’t work on forgiving them. He called them bad parents and refuses to go back to how things were. My sister has been left upset by him turning on them and she has tried to lean on me but I have very little sympathy or pity for her.

She’s picked up on it too because I tell her I understand my nephew feeling like he does instead of saying I understand her. Just the other day she told me I treat her like a criminal since my nephew found out. I told her I don’t see her as the victim in any of this. She told me I should be a more compassionate sister.. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Erikersen23 −  NTA. Your sister lied about your nephews father and now hes hurt. Supporting him is important. Your sisters actions caused this so its okay to feel frustrated with her. You can be there for her but still hold her accountable.

wlfwrtr −  NTA Your sister and her husband tried erasing her son’s father from his life instead of allowing him to build a relationship with her husband knowing the facts. She removed the family that included all of his dad’s family. She forced her own family to contribute to her lies or risk not be able to see child.

She lied from the point of birth, as to why there weren’t any baby pictures and every day since. She may not be a criminal but to her son neither her nor her husband can be trusted. She didn’t even do it because it was what was best for son, she did it because it’s what she wanted and she seems to get what she wants. So no, there is no reason to treat what she did as right.

Significant-Dig609 −  I can never in a million years understand how people lie about a child’s parentage. Let them know you absolutely love them and treat them right but let them know their heritage. I can’t comprehend it especially if the person wanted and loved that child. It’s evil. Their whole life is a lie and they miss out on so much

needsompiracyhere −  NTA. What happened to being honest? There were better ways to make her son feel like a part of the family without erasing where he comes from. He would’ve understood, kids aren’t that shallow and stupid as some parents think they are.

Now imagine after 16 whole years finding out your whole life was a web of lies and your own mother sits at the center of it all, all because she’s been ‘insecure’. Also, your sister’s extra AH for not letting the boy’s grandparents see him. I’m sure they’ve been as heartbroken as your nephew is rn.

I_wanna_be_anemone −  Your sister has been consistently s**fish at every milestone regarding your nephews existence, this has nothing to do with ‘wanting to protect him’ from having a dead parent, and everything to do with her s**fish need to have a ‘proper’ family.

She knowingly replaced not just this kids father, but also every extended blood relative who wanted to be part of nephews life these last 16 years. If she had dropped dead, how would she have felt if either of her husbands had immediately replaced her with another woman?

Sadly that requires the kind of self reflection most s**fish people are incapable of. Please try to be there for nephew more going forward, he really should be in therapy as the people he’s trusted have proven they’ll lie to him his whole life.

There’s also the matter of medical issues, what if there’s conditions on his father’s side that need to be discussed and looked out for in nephew? How did his dad die?
NTA I wonder what else sister has been lying about all these years. I’m not sure I’d ever trust her again knowing what she’s capable of. 

sigmu_189 −  NTA. Your sister is responsible for her actions. She knowingly hid the truth from her son and his biological family, which has caused significant emotional harm to him. She is accountable for the choices she made and how they affected her son. She should have understood that the truth would eventually come out, and it could damage the trust between her and her son

BoopityGoopity −  NTA. Were you able to give him the keepsake box?

Royal_Chance3919 −  NTA…has your nephew been able to meet any of his paternal family in person?

sunshinemillionaire −  What happened to the box?

Test-Subject-593 −  NTA. Your nephew’s world just fell apart. He’s lucky to have you in his corner.