AITA for “favoring” my nephews over my GF’s sisters who live with us?

A Reddit user, a 31-year-old man and guardian of his two nephews, questioned whether he was in the wrong for “favoring” them over his girlfriend’s younger sisters, who live with him. He explained that he inherited his parents’ house and finished renovating it for his nephews, providing them with their own rooms and bathrooms.

After starting a successful law firm, he often spoils his nephews, who he describes as respectful and good students. When his girlfriend moved in her sisters, he agreed to the arrangement but maintained that his nephews would continue to receive more support.

This became a point of contention when he gifted his nephew concert tickets and a car for his birthday, while giving his girlfriend’s sister a makeup set and purse. His girlfriend expressed frustration, feeling he was prioritizing his nephews over her sisters, which led to a heated discussion about fairness and responsibilities. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for “favoring” my nephews over my GF’s sisters who live with us?’

I (31M) inherited my parents’ house and became the guardian of my two nephews (16M & 12M) about 7 years ago. Before he died, my dad was in the middle of renovating the basement for each nephew to have a large bedroom with their own bathroom.

To honor my dad, I finished the renovation and each of my nephews have their own room and bathroom with the specs my dad had made (he was an architect). About this time, I graduated from law school. I was having a tough time finding a job. So I decided to start my own firm. It has worked out very well for me financially.

So, I get to spoil my nephews a fair bit. But, they are good kids, respectful, courteous, and great students. 3 years ago, I met a woman. Her family is a train wreck. She has no relationship with extended family because they were involved in this extremely conservative religious church/cult. Her parents escaped, but are not equipped at parenting.

They had five daughters, my GF (26F) and her sisters (16F, 14F, 10F, 8F). My GF and I talked about moving in together and did so two years ago. A little over a year ago, she approached me about moving in her sisters. Her parents are still the legal parents of the sisters. But, they cannot hold down jobs, etc.

My nephews and I discussed about the sisters moving in. They agreed, but only if they yet their rooms and bathrooms. I said, “absolutely!” and told my GF. This meant the four sisters would share two small bedrooms and a small bathroom. The living arrangement has been rough. The girls are on top of each other and constantly bickering.

My GF has asked if we could have two of her sisters share one of the basement bathrooms. I said “no.” My GF makes less than a tenth of what I do. My GF and I split groceries and utilities, but I pay for all the other shared expenses. Other than paying for standard living expenses, I do not pay for many things for the girls.

My perspective is that is for their parents and/or my GF to do. I do buy things for my nephews like concert tickets, video game systems, movie tickets, etc. This came to a head recently because my oldest nephew and GF’s oldest sister have birthdays only about a month apart.

For GF’s sister 16th birthday, I bought her some makeup and a nice purse (it was about $100 total). My nephew wanted to take his girlfriend to a Taylor Swift concert. I got him two concert tickets to go in about a month. I also bought him a car. My GF’s sister felt some type of way (she is a “Swifty” and **hates** my nephews’ girlfriend, they go to the same school).

After his birthday, my GF called me an AH. She said she was tired of me favoring my nephews and it needs to change. I told her that my nephews are my responsibility, her sisters are not. I bought her sister a nice gift, but I am not going to treat them like my nephews. Friend group is divided, so trying to get perspective here.. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Kami_Sang −  This one is tough because they are kids but NTA. Your GF has literally forced you to provide shelter for her sisters but you never agreed to be financially responsible for them. Unfortunaetly, it creates an unbalanced living situation but it is probably a lot better than if the girls stayed with their parents.

OP you’re together with someone who has a lot of burdens. She didn’t have these kids but she does feel responsible to help them, She is also clearly “using” you to help her help them. However, I just don’t see how you can have a romantic relationship with her and there not be a lot of issues given that she is supporting them and you are supporting your nephews all under one roof.

I get it you were already living with your nephews and just wanted to live with you GF. However, this is her reality. Personally, I think it’s alot for you to house her plus 4 minor females. I don’t think you can be as hands off as you’d like.

I think you either have to accept her and her 4 sisters fully (which I do agree is grossly unfair) or you should end this. Anything else is going to be drama.

Usual_Guidance_4072 −  For what you describe, NTA. You’re only sort of one because you have no boundaries and are being taken for a ride on your generosity. This is a bizarre arrangement, moving four younger sisters in to help a girlfriend. A

lso, and as an attorney you should know this — a massive liability (because they are unrelated to you and their problems are now yours, by your choice). Not like it’s her kids, that would be different. That said, the solution is obvious too. You should absolutely put your nephews first.

If you’re set on staying with this woman then the kids should go back to their parents or, if you have the money and it’s truly that bad, a full-time boarding school. As it is, you’re hurting your nephews EVEN IF you favor them (as you should, you’re not married to this woman and her sisters wouldn’t be your kids anyhow) by putting them through this.

I hate to be that person with the tough advice, because you’re not really the a**hole. But if this girlfriend cannot understand that this arrangement makes no sense, why stay with her?

TeachlikeaHawk −  Any time I see stories like this, my thought is always, “Where is this going?” Here I think that question applies even more than usual. Where is all this headed? Your GF needs a better job, for starters.

While it’s nice of you to house all of them, she’s in a pretty crappy spot as I imagine that she can’t consider going back to school or anything to improve her prospects because she has to make money to pay for four siblings. So right now everyone is in l**bo. Objectively, you’re great! Supporting the boys is great.

Helping your GF and her sisters is great. I want to be clear: You sound like a really solid dude (lawyer aside…kidding), and you’re trying to navigate a lot. Here’s my suggestion. If you see a future with your GF (and judging from all of this, you must), then you want to do better than just “be right.” You want to do right by her.

If you can afford it, you should offer to cover all her expenses while she goes back to school or to some other job training. Supporting her as she gets into a better position will ease a lot of tensions as well as create a much better long-term situation for everyone. If you offer to do it before anyone asks, you’re an even better guy.

At the very least, you ought to sit down and have a talk about finances and the future. Is your GF planning to pay for college for her four sisters? Are they all living there permanently? What happens if the oldest girl decides she doesn’t want to go to college? Is she welcome to just continue living there? For how long?

How does her welcome to live there compare with your nephews? Fundamentally, do you see your house as the girls’ home? That littlest girl is younger now than your oldest nephew was when you took him in. All signs point to her living there for ten years before high school graduation, with you as an adult figure in her life.

What role do you want to have? You’re better off thinking about this in the context of what the future holds and how your actions today will ripple off into the future than just worrying about being technically correct.

Stop and think about what you want from your life, and what kind of man you want to be (for yourself and as a role model for your nephews), and act accordingly. Good luck. There are no easy answers.

TemptingPenguin369 −  NTA, but you are being taken advantage of here. For more than a year, you’ve provided free housing to four children who are related to your gf, and she thinks you should be buying them all comparable gifts to the ones you buy for the two children under your guardianship.

BookBlerd −  Help your GF find a seperate place for her and her sisters to live. She’s going to keep pushing to take up more space, literally and figuratively, for her family’s needs – even at the expense your nephews’ well-being – the longer you allow them to stay in your house.

You need a very clear divide between your home life, your romantic relationship with her, and your willingness to be a supportive boyfriend while SHE handles the familial (emotional and financial) responsibilities she’s chosen to take on.

You never agreed to parent her sisters or fund her household. Her acting like you owe her sisters a lifestyle comparable to what you provide for your nephews is a very bad sign. Get all of them out of you and your nephews’ home as quickly as possible.

Suspicious-Shoe-2260 −  She moved four of her sister into you’re house, she’s asking your nephews to give up their space, she’s telling you you need to treat her sisters the same as your nephews and buy them the same things. She’s taking you for a ride mate.

Cali-GirlSB −  You do know she’s with you for your money? If she hasn’t made that plain by now-she sees you as a ticket to get away from her l**er family. Your nephews, are, for all intents and purposes, your kids. Of COURSE you spend more money on them. The girls are not your responsibility as you’re neither bro-in-law or parent.

Take a good long look at this situation. I think you should send the girls back ‘home’, and tell the gf she’s on thin ice. Because those boys are YOUR priority. Listen, it’s fine you have a gf but this is not the one for you. You need someone much more supportive and independent, and not rush the move in process. NTA, unless you don’t change things.

LogicalDifference529 −  Literally 8 people in this house and the oldest is 31 responsible for a bunch of kids. I can’t believe this turned into a dumpster fire. You honestly need to explain why you and your girlfriend thought this wasn’t going to be damaging to these kids.

You have 4 girls living like second class citizens watching the 2 boys have the world handed to them and you didn’t think this would be an issue? No, you aren’t responsible for taking care of her sisters, but did you honestly think a teenager was going to understand why her living conditions are so bad and why someone gets a Taylor swift tickets and a car for their birthday and she gets a bag?

You and your girlfriend playing house with all these kids is going to have some serious damage to these teenagers. This situation is fucked.

VmBahabug −  You need to have a conversation with her and lay it all out. Your responsibility is to your nephews and them only. You’re only helping her sisters out but not financially, and if she can’t agree then this isn’t going to work. I feel like you’re definitely being used and there will be way more to come.

Soon it will be they need a car of their own, or they need their schooling paid for.. etc etc. . NTA but watch yourself. 

SapiosexualStrumpet −  Take it from someone who has so much resentment as a caretaker that it destroyed her marriage: no amount of love will save your relationship with your girlfriend.

Your resentment against her for putting you in this role will only grow more and more over time, and you’ll reach a point where you’ll never be able to get over it. It will poison your relationship. Either she moves out and you date like two adults and see if that’s sustainable, or you break it off entirely. Those are your two only reasonable choices.