AITAH for sleeping with my ex husband?
After divorcing her childhood sweetheart, Ryan, due to crippling depression over infertility, OP (30F) found peace in solitude. But a chance grocery store reunion rekindled their bond, leading to cautious reconciliation. Now, a close friend’s explosive reaction—accusing OP of selfishness and sabotaging Ryan’s future—has left her questioning: Is rebuilding this relationship a mistake, or is her friend the problem?
‘AITAH for sleeping with my ex husband?’
Expert Opinions
Trauma and Relationship Repair
Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, notes that reconnecting post-divorce can heal old wounds if both partners grow. “Their time apart allowed individual healing, which is critical before revisiting a relationship,” she explains in Hold Me Tight.
The Role of “Helpful” Friends
A 2021 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that friends often project their own biases onto others’ relationships. “The friend’s outrage may stem from jealousy or unspoken feelings for Ryan,” says Dr. Jennice Vilhauer, psychologist and author of Think Forward to Thrive.
Infertility’s Emotional Toll
Dr. Alice Domar, fertility mental health expert, emphasizes that infertility-related grief can fracture even strong marriages. “OP’s decision to divorce was self-preservation. Rebuilding trust requires patience and professional guidance,” she states in Conquering Infertility.
Solutions from Experts:
- Ignore Outside Noise: Prioritize therapists’ advice over friends’ opinions.
- Set Boundaries: Cut ties with the friend if she refuses to respect OP’s choices.
- Continue Therapy: Maintain open communication to avoid past pitfalls.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with OP, calling the friend “controlling” and “jealous,” with many speculating she harbors feelings for Ryan. Critics focused on the risks of rekindling a divorce-worn relationship, though most agreed intent mattered most: “If they’re happy and healthy, who cares?” A minority mocked the drama as “soap opera material,” but even they conceded the friend’s behavior was unhinged.
This story isn’t just about love—it’s about redemption, growth, and silencing external noise. While reconciliation carries risks, OP and Ryan’s cautious, therapy-guided approach shows maturity. The real conflict lies with the friend, whose aggression suggests deeper motives.
keep things that make you happy dear…and ryan is the one who make you happy
remove the one who don’t well in this case, it is your so called friend. remove the toxic friendship.
I think Your friend is in love with Your Ex husband.. She is the oneyou should cut contact..
Sounds like your friend wants to be with Ryan and won’t say it. Nobody is perfect. Sounds like the separation was needed to be better for each other. Just bc Ryan never made you feel a way, we don’t know how he felt or what he shared in therapy. Maybe he needed to process more than just being without you. Anyway, sounds like you two are supposed to be. So be and let yourselves be happy. Loose that friend though.
If the ‘friend’ was hers she would be giving advice to help her, rather than being more concerned about Ryan. I agree with a few comments that the friend perhaps wanted to maybe pursue Ryan at some point so got angry at the reconnecting of a couple who clearly never stopped loving one another. She could obviously see Ryan was a decent man and was envious. Get rid of your ‘friend’ and keep your best friend and love Ryan. Women like that are a disgrace. Hope it works out 😊
Married 40 years, and three adopted girls later. One through an agency privately and two foster care. I’m going to see my oldest this weekend for her 32nd bday. She is pregnant with our granddaughter!! My daughter is my best friend and she and my last two adopted are part of our blessed and beautiful family. I can’t imagine greater love for these amazing girls. There are other ways to have children and if the two of you can love each so greatly not being blood relatives, you have immense capability of loving adopted kiddos.
Your friend is toxic AND she is into Ryan. Cut her out of your life.
i think ur friend is a bi+(# and ckeatly very affected bcozshes into ryan…hmphhh the audacity to demand for u to leave ryan
All I have to say is that’s not a real friend
If all she can do is to run to you and take you back to the mental state you just struggled out from after hearing you got back together with him. I’ll just say flee from such friends.
Lots of other ways to motherhood! 3 beautiful adopted chidren here! Agree with the rest – unless you are in a new relationship which it doesn’t sound like you are, maybe getting back together and planning a life that may or may not involve kids is something to think about…..
She’s not wrong, watch out for that friend, she won’t mind ruining things for you and him.