AITAH for refusing to be an egg donor for my brother even though I promised years ago?

A Redditor shares her dilemma regarding her promise to donate her eggs to her brother and his ex-husband, a couple she once adored. After agreeing to be a donor years ago, her brother’s infidelity and quick marriage to the contractor who worked on their shared project shattered her trust.

Now that her brother wants to move forward with starting a family, she grapples with whether to honor her past commitment or prioritize her loyalty to her brother’s ex, Martin, who is still struggling with the aftermath of their divorce. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for refusing to be an egg donor for my brother even though I promised years ago?’

My brother Jeff (35M) and I (32F) have had a great relationship, my brother is gay and was married to my dear friend Martin (34M) but they divorced three years ago, Jeff and Martin had known each other since kindergarten, they became best friend, went together to law school, dated for around 15 years and got married,

their dream was to become parents but both wanted to be biologically related to the child so they asked me to give them my egg and I agreed since I love both of them and wanted them happy, That was it, I never got tested or anything because they didn’t want the child right away but to make sure they had the donor and would just focus on the surrogate.

For their wedding anniversary Martin thought I was a great idea to renovate a beach house my parents had abandoned, Jeff thought it was a waste of time and money but went along with it and they contacted Ian (34M) an architect and contractor (by the way I recommended, ‘cause he had done some work for my MIL) some months into the project the man who thought It was a waste of time was so into architecture and the project itself,

long story short, before getting the work done, Jeff dumped Martin and got together with Ian, My brother and Martin’s divorce was so fast since Martin was devastated and didn’t fight much, three months after the divorce was finalized Jeff and Ian got married (yes, three months), my family acted as if nothing happened and welcomed the home-wrecker with open arms (my brother can do no wrong in mom’s eyes).

It’s been three years Martin is still devastated, has many issues and Jeff and Ian act like they hurt no one, they’ve even started investing in real states. I love my brother but I try to keep my distance and I’ve only exchanged like two words with Ian in these three years (Three words at most) because I love Martin and he is a friend.

My brother approached me couple of weeks ago telling me that he and his hubby were ready to start a family and wanted me to get tested but I said my promise was no longer valid since he decided to cheat and I didn’t feel comfortable giving my egg and this has turned into a more personal matter, something that has to see with my morals,

he said it’s not fair and that this means so much for him and also told me I can’t break a promise I made. My family, even my husband is telling me that I made a promise and this is important for them, but I don’t know I don’t want to do this to Martin, I mean, this was supposed to be his child.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Old_Cheek1076 −  NTA – Pretty rich for your brother to be going on about ‘broken promises’. Anyway, your body your choice.

MyLadyBits −  NTA. even if he was still with Martin it is your right to withdraw consent. You don’t consent.

Novel-Discussion9448 −  S**ew him. Keep your egg. Tell husband to shush. Good luck.

Status-Pattern7539 −  NTA. You made a promise to him and MARTIN, not him and IAN. Promise is now void upon your brother not being able to keep his D in his pants. If the family are so supportive one of them can get tested. You could also say you got tested and have your doctor tell them you are unable (tell DR you are being pressured and do not want to do so).

Excellent_Paper_6284 −  I feel like NTA. You committed to them BOTH as I read it and that’s no longer the situation.

FloppyEaredDog −  You made a promise to Jeff and Martin, not Jeff and Ian. NTA. Even without a valid reason you’re allowed to change your mind about something so big.

Dachshundmom5 −  NTA wtf is wrong with your husband? Your brother broke all kinds of promises to Martin, that voided any promise you made since your promise was to MARTIN and your brother.

[Reddit User] −  Ivf is a complicated, invasive, impersonal and expensive process. You don’t just ‘give one egg’. Ivf regularly fails the first round so you’d be in it for multiple months. You have to give yourself injections, get blood tests 3 times a week, get internal vaginal ultrasounds etc. F**k that s**t – no one can demand you go through that and if they do, they don’t deserve it.

AlannaAdvice −  NTA, you are not wrong to feel as you do. I feel so sorry for poor Martin, this would probably further devastate him and while you love your brother, your dear friend matters too. It’s actually concerning how quickly your family has moved on from the whole cheating incident! Also, tell your husband he’s supposed to be in your corner, not cheaters corner

[Reddit User] −  NTA **Tell him he made a promise too. To be faithful to his husband.** He broke that promise. And your promise was to donate an egg to him and his FIRST husband. You knew and were friends with Martin. Trusted him to help raise you Future neice. You don’t know or trust the man that slept with a married man. And your brother broke you trust as well.

Do you think the user should honor her promise to be an egg donor for her brother, or is she justified in reevaluating her commitment given the circumstances? How would you approach a situation where family ties clash with personal morals and loyalty? Share your thoughts below!