WIBTAH for kicking my son out after he refuses to do anything or help pay rent?

A Reddit user is at her wit’s end with her 19-year-old son, who, after losing his job, refuses to contribute financially or help around the house, causing strain on the family during a difficult time. As she contemplates kicking him out, she’s left wondering if this tough decision makes her the bad guy. Read the original story below to see how the family dynamic plays out.

‘ WIBTAH for kicking my son out after he refuses to do anything or help pay rent?’

I (39f) live with my husband (39m) and three children (19m), (13f) and (5m) only the youngest is shared with my husband and the other two are from previous relationship, my husband is the only parent working.

My (19m) son moved out over a year ago but was back within 6 months and living in our lounge room on a mattress as we didn’t have the spare bedroom.

We had to move soon anyways as our lease was ending, so we discussed it with my son on what his plans were, as the current rental situation is hard to get into he decided to stick it out at home (he was working full time bringing in about 1 grand per week).

We moved into a new bigger house giving everyone their own space. We discussed with him to pay his way, 180 for rent 40 for all bills and 100 towards food this he agreed too.

Shortly after moving into the new house my son was made redundant and received a payout (which he spent most of it on Uber eats) since then he hasn’t paid for anything, is currently about 13 weeks behind on rent, he refuses to look for work refuses to help out around the house doesn’t clean up after himself and sleeps all day and up all night playing on his Xbox.

Recently the company my husband worked for was liquidated and we were left with nothing to pay the bills or get food, the last few weeks have been really hard trying to feed everyone and keep the bills paid we still haven’t gotten a full payment and are now behind on everything.

Since this has happened we have had to limit food to make it last which my son has been eating nonstop at night (enough for 2-3 people per meal) and just doesn’t seem to care when I bring it up with him. It has gotten to the point where I don’t eat so that the kids can.

He just got his tax done and straight away he has ordered Uber eats again while the rest of us struggle. he just doesn’t care and expects us to pay and cover him financially which we can’t afford to do..

WIBTAH for kicking him out To answer a few questions, my 13yo and 5yo are both autistic the 5yo has been non-verbal up until last year, they both have therapy sessions weekly, which take up most of my time during the day.

My 5yo will be starting school next year so I am studying at night to increase my chances at a better job to contribute more. We were able to run the household on my husbands wage before the liquidation happened but since then he has had to take what he could and his hours have been cut due to this.

We did have savings but it was used up during the move it cost us 8 grand to move and we hadn’t had the chance to replenish it yet. Where I live I only get child support up to 18 years from his father and what I did get was not enough as he didn’t work.

We both sat my son down and spoke to him about everything as he is an adult we started with him sorting out his own food, he has his own pantry, fridge and even part of the freezer to store food, but he would just order food instead causing weight gain.

So we discussed him paying to help with the food bill since it worked out to be a lot cheaper on him, since losing his job we haven’t charged him for food/rent just asked that he be more considerate of everyone else I have also asked that he helps out more around the house instead of paying his share but he refuses to help out.

We have also discussed his mental health issues, and I have helped as much as I can, by helping to clean his room and wash all his clothes (took 3 days there was so much) I even started waking him up in the mornings as he was struggling to get up.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Internal-Ride7361 −  Everyone in this situation sounds like an a**hole. Yes, your son is a problem, but he doesn’t seem like your biggest problem, more like the family s**pegoat.

Are you looking for work? Why are you writing long posts on reddit and not in your car on door dash or uber eats doing deliveries right now. Your family is in a very scary situation, and you’re months from being out on the streets with an eviction on your record.

This is serious, and your son did not create this situation, nor is he responsible. I would look into unemployment, food assistance, and possibly WIC ASAP Good luck to your family, I hope this situation resolves quickly

Swordofthemorning91 −  You’re an a**hole. Downvote me I don’t give a f**k. You have 3 children, your current husband loses his job a month ago… and now there isn’t enough money for food? That’s you and your husband’s fault for poor budgeting. Not your teenage son’s.

You and your second husband need to work harder to provide for your family and set a good example. If your son has no example to work off of- how the f**k do you expect him to step up now or ever? I’ve seen this story too many times.

They get knocked up at 20 or early teens by husband #1, never mature on their own (it’s evident in the way you write), their kid has a tumultuous life, and then once he or she is “legal” you couldn’t be any more happy to cut them loose because the child is from a previous marriage you’ve moved on from.

Do you know what many other 19 year old kids are doing right now? They’re going to college because of the sacrifices their parents made.

[Reddit User] −  19 is REALLY young to be out in your own with no skills. Parenting doesn’t end at 18.

bizianka −  ESH. Like everyone except two youngest kids. You have 3 adults in the family, and nobody works and nobody seems wanting to find solution or communicate.

literaryhogwartian −  Info – was your husband not given notice of the liquidation? Is he searching for a job? Are you? Give your son formal notice that he must look for work.

Slight-Bar-534 −  Why aren’t you also looking for work? Two younger kids will be in school soon. Work opposite shifts like my parents did for years for food and housing

2022FuckPutin −  ESH. When the family is in trouble, you all pull together – when he got his taxes done, he should have contributed to the family instead of ordering UberEats. But also, you shouldn’t be at the point of limiting food to your family.

I understand being surprised that your husband has been liquidated, but there are food banks and other options rather than trying to ration food to your family. This is an awful and sad situation. You should be looking for help rather than figuring out who is the a**hole here.

Flat_Contribution707 −  NTA. Adult members of a household need to contribute in terms of money and household work. Your son is doing neither. Its time to shape up or ship out. I assume that he has other family he can convince to take him in. Your youngest is around school-age. Perhaps when he sarts school, youll be able to find part-time work.

LadyRosy −  he was working full time bringing in about 1 grand per week. You see, English isn’t my native language. I assumed that one grand would mean $1000? What magical job did he do to earn this much money in a week? And where did the money go?

And sure, you can kick him out. You’d be a terrible parent, but you can do it. Won’t stop your problems though; you and your husband need to find a job & a smaller house.. YTA.

PanamaViejo −  I don’t know why people are bashing OP- this is reality for many people in America. Most are only a paycheck away from disaster and are living paycheck to paycheck. Many people do not have savings, let alone a retirement fund.

Even people who have a steady paycheck are supplementing their income with food banks and might be living in their cars because they can not afford rent with their paychecks. Whatever led to OP’s predicament is not important at this moment- this is a family in crises.

There are 3 adults in the household and at least two should be working. I see that OP stated that her husband got another job which is good. If he hadn’t, I was going to suggest that they both apply for fast food jobs with opposite shifts so that one parent can remain with the youngest child at all times.

I love how people suggest daycare and/or babysitting as if these don’t cost money that the family doesn’t have. And even if OP worked, most of her salary would go to daycare. And depending on the severity of the child’s autism, it might be difficult and costly to find care.

The 19 year old can work, even if it’s part time. He has money for an x box and to order food so he can contribute to the household in which he lives. He can also stop eating more than his share of food so that everybody gets to eat. It’s not a right to have your parents pay for college, it’s a privilege.

If your parents can not afford it, the onus is on you to get scholarships, take out loans, get a job, etc. If he isn’t in school, he needs to find a job to either contribute to the household or support himself. He is a young adult now- time to step it up.

OP, set aside your pride and see what programs you qualify for during this time. You might be able to get food stamps, a one time rent payment or other help. Don’t be ashamed to do what you need to do to help your family survive.

Do you think it’s fair for the mom to kick her son out after his continued lack of responsibility, or should she give him more time to change? How would you handle a similar situation with an adult child at home? Share your thoughts below!