WIBTA if I told my best friend her wedding sounds like a nightmare?

A Reddit user recently found herself in a tricky situation with her best friend, Claire, who is getting married in February. The user (27F) is the maid of honor and is concerned about the wedding’s all-day agenda, which includes a rehearsal brunch at 10 AM, a 12:30 PM ceremony, and “group activities” until dinner at 7 PM, followed by a reception until 10:30 PM.

On top of that, it’s a completely dry wedding, which has become a point of tension for the user, who feels like she’ll need at least a couple of glasses of wine to survive the day in a dress and heels while socializing with 50 people she either doesn’t know or barely knows.

She loves her best friend and feels bad about the situation, but also thinks the wedding might be overwhelming and is unsure whether she’s being unreasonable for expressing her concerns. Read the full story below to see if the user is being too harsh or if she has valid concerns.

‘ WIBTA if I told my best friend her wedding sounds like a nightmare?’

 

So my (27/f) best friend “Claire” (27/f) is getting married in February. I’m the maid of honor, which is making me feel like I’d be a super a**hole for saying anything.
They’re having a small wedding, about 50 people and they’re having it at a family members property near a lake. Which is all great, no problems with that.

The nightmare part is the fact that this 50 person wedding is an ALL DAY event. They’re having a rehearsal brunch at 10am instead of a rehearsal dinner. And then their ceremony is at 12:30pm.

And then they have “group activities” scheduled from 2pm-7pm (they’ve listed cornhole as an example) finally, at 7pm, we eat dinner and the reception is supposed to last till 10:30pm. And finally, it’s a completely dry wedding. And I had zero objection to the dry wedding until they sent me this agenda. I don’t think I need alcohol to have fun.

But to spend 12 hours in a nice dress and heels, running around with 50 people I either don’t know or barely know (it’s mainly family, I’m the only friend from our high school group invited, so I really only know her parents, I’ve met her fiancee twice), I think I’m going to need at least 2 glasses of wine.

I feel like an a**hole, because it is her day and I love her, but I really think this sounds like a disaster. If I’m just sounding snooty and stuck up, please tell me. I don’t want to be a j**k to my best friend. They told me this is just an idea for right now and hadn’t been finalized, but they also didn’t really ask what I thought, either.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

badassmillz −  Lol 12hrs is crazzZyyyyy! Breakfast at 10am and then dinner 9hrs later is a working shift 😂😂… Hopefully there’s snacks? I can’t imagine this being a good time for someone with kids of any age!! Also, is there going to be comfy furniture to lounge or is it chairs all day for 12hrs ?

I think you can bring it up politely like… “Hey girl, I’m so excited for ur wedding day. I was telling my coworker about it and she brought it to my attention that it’s a 12hr day. I didn’t even realize it until she mentioned it. Do u think that would be too much for some of your guests?”

carmabound −  NTA – It sounds like a disaster. Unless this is a lodge where everyone has a room and can change clothes, shower, and rest between events – this *is* a ridiculous plan.

BrigidCG −  NTA. I have recently gently guided my FIL away from an AirBNB toward a block of hotel reservations for a planned family reunion because not being able to get away from people would make me melt down and possibly bite someone. 12 hours no breaks being ‘on’ and I would be considering war crimes, lol.

mattromo −  NTA. But I think your friend needs to understand that some people will need/want to use some of that group activity time for themselves. To change, rest, recharge, maybe go grab a drink, etc. Btw if your friend a teacher by chance? (The scheduling of multiple events, etc, just reminds me of how a teacher friend plans her events.)

KrofftSurvivor −  NTA. Yep, sounds like an absolute nightmare is about the only way you could describe this scenario.
Any chance your state has legalized? Because I’d be popping a gummy every hour on the hour… . EDIT

 –  Did I miss a meal in there?  Or is she genuinely thinking that she’s going to serve brunch at 10:30 in the morning, and dinner at seven pm, and nothing in between???
If that’s the case, don’t worry about the all day wedding…  Most of the guests will be ditching between 3 & 5pm when they realized that the next meal isn’t until seven o’clock at night.

Wiener_Dawgz −  NTA. This does not sound like a fun day. I think a flask may be in order…

glen230277 −  NTA. It’s your obligation to give your perspective on the day. MOH is more than just a fancy title, you are responsible for making the day a good one.
Instead of saying ‘It sounds like a nightmare’ offer constructive suggestions that would make the day better.

Give some concrete examples of attendees who might find it tough (granny is old, she will need some breaks and space; what will the people who don’t want to cornhole do while it’s going (sorry, IDK what this is, but you get the idea); the kids might get restless being around here for so long, how do we…).

As you bring up potential challenges, be prepared for a negative reaction. Remember, you’re making these suggestions so that her day is remembered as awesome, not as a burden. Patience and compassion will be required. Stash a hip flask or a joint somewhere…

scorpionmittens −  Tbh this sounds more like a structured family reunion than a typical wedding. It sounds like it would be lots of fun for her and her close family that wants to spend time with each other (but not for you and the others that aren’t close with the family).

You’re not an ass for not looking forward to attending someone else’s family day, but you’d be TA if you told her directly that her entire idea for her wedding sounds bad. You could try bringing up that you’re worried it might be awkward for you or any other friends that are non-family members. Maybe she just didn’t want to pay for alcohol, but would be cool with you sneaking off for a few drinks

Mr_Morrigan −  NTA But if thats what she wants I suggest not being the MOH. Thats not 12 hours for you. With all the prep and cleanup afterwards you are looking at 16 hours in a dress and heels in February. Depending on where this is its going to be freezing. I’d talk to them but use better words than “nightmare” 😀

Pesec1 −  NTA.
Given that the wedding is in February, now is exactly the right time to bring up concerns about schedule being over-ambitious.

Do you think the user is justified in feeling this way about the wedding, or is she overreacting to what could be a fun day? How would you handle a situation where a close friend’s wedding seems like it might be overwhelming? Share your thoughts below!