AITA for telling my friend I don’t want to take the same flights as her for my honeymoon?

A bride-to-be (30F) is planning her honeymoon in Barcelona when she finds out her best friend coincidentally booked a trip to the same destination right after the wedding. The friend has a history of being clingy, and the bride is concerned she might want to tag along on the honeymoon.

To avoid awkwardness, she suggests taking different flights, but her friend becomes upset, interpreting it as rejection. A mutual friend sides with the upset friend and suggests the bride should apologize, leaving the bride confused and questioning if she was wrong. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my friend I don’t want to take the same flights as her for my honeymoon?’

I’m (F, 30) getting married very soon and planning to go to Barcelona for my honeymoon, which I thought I had told my best friend (F,30). A few days ago my friend told me that she is planning a trip to Barcelona the day after my wedding, which I was initially taken aback by since I thought she had planned this knowing that I was going.

My friend has joked before about tagging along to my honeymoon and feel can be c**ngy at times which has been noted and commented on by other friends. She made it clear that she didn’t know about my plans but that she will go ahead with her plans. I would prefer if this wasn’t the case but I can’t stop her from going to a part of the world.

From previous encounters, I anticipate that she will want to spend some time with us while we are there and can foresee her feeling offended if we don’t. I suggested to my friend that if we are all going at the same time that my husband and I book different flights, and expressed that I would not feel comfortable being on the exact same flights.

After our conversation I get a phone call from my other friend asking me what I’ve done to make my best friend upset. She was upset by the comment that I made about feeling uncomfortable with taking the same flights and can’t understand what about that makes me uncomfortable.

She says that I have made her feel as though she’s done something wrong hence why I’m avoiding being in the same airplane as her. This was really surprising to me and now my best friend doesn’t want to speak to me and my 2nd friend is seemingly on my best friends side and says I should apologise.

I feel so confused. I feel as though I am justified in wanting to take separate flights. I don’t want to dismiss my friends feelings but I’m struggling to understand her reaction.

Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:

ThePhilV −  She’s manipulating you by weaponizing her emotions, and I would bet that she’s done this for your entire relationship. What you said to her was entirely reasonable – it’s your honeymoon, of course you want some private time with your new spouse. It’s not even about your friend, but she is making it all about her.

Just remember that you can’t control her responses to your boundaries, but you can control what happens when she crosses them (and how you interact with her while you set those boundaries)

You’re NTA for what you said, and you said that if you wind up in the same place, she will wind up attaching herself to you and your new spouse for at least a part of the trip based on past experience. This girl sounds, frankly, obsessed with you, and it’s probably time to have a frank conversation with her about it.

I can understand if you want to wait until after the wedding, but I would CERTAINLY rebook things, if not the flight, the entire trip, so that you can avoid her crashing your honeymoon. After that, I would consider cutting her off – this is majorly m**ipulative behaviour on her part. I wouldn’t want that s**t in my life.

Queen_Sized_Beauty −  NTA, but the fact that you can’t see that this was intentional is ridiculous. which I thought I had told my best friend. You did. My friend has joked before about tagging along to my honeymoon. She wasn’t joking .She fully planned this.

She planned to spend the entire trip with you and is now sulking because you’ve told her that won’t be happening. She is obsessed with you and is mad that you’re “being taken from her.” You need to put boundaries and space between you before she gets other bright ideas.

twelvedayslate −  NTA. Your friend 100000% wants to tag along to your honeymoon. Her comments in jest have a kernel of truth (errr… more than a kernel). This is giving hardcore SWF. Does your friend have a crush on you, maybe?

In the meantime – if she asks about your plans, lie. Tell her you’re going to do X on Tuesday, when you have no intention of doing that. Maybe tell her you guys have decided to only spend half your time in Barcelona and the other half in [Madrid/Seville/Rome/Paris/some other city you have no intentions of visiting].

IamMaggieMoo −  NTA – your friend is being m**ipulative and doing some damage control by complaining to your other friend and playing the hurt party to distract from the fact she is essentially trying to tag along on your honeymoon.

I’d give her a sorry ‘YOUR feeling that way’ non apology and then I would provide her with incorrect details of your flight and mention a hotel on the opposite side of town from where you will be staying. If she tries calling or messaging whilst on your honeymoon have an auto response message set up that states ‘thanks for reaching out, we are currently on our honeymoon and will reach out when we return’.

_s1m0n_s3z −  NTA. Your friend was *totally* planning to crash your honeymoon. She’s indignant because you let her know you won’t let her do that. Not anything about the flight. She had this lovely fantasy about being the third wheel at your honeymoon, and you crushed it. Now she’s stuck with a plane ticket to a solo vacation she doesn’t want to take alone and a best friend who doesn’t want to see her there.

Izzy4162305 −  NTA. Change your flights. Do not tell anyone other than a parent where you’re staying, tell them they are not to give that information to anyone, and TELL THEM WHY. As someone above suggested, put an automatic message response on your cell phones.

And use this opportunity to start distancing from this person, because she sounds a little unhinged and it will not help your marriage when she tries to crash everything else.
Having visions right now, if OP has kids, of this friend trying to get into the room while OP is giving birth.

Mayalestrange −  NTA. This woman is either into you, into your husband, psychologically unstable, or some combination of the above. Change flights to avoid her, and block her on all channels. If she knows where your accomodations are, change those.

Reset any passwords on your emails and any accounts related to travel that you may have used on devices in her home etc. Don’t post about where you are in real time on social media. Make sure she’s removed from any apps that might track or share your location.

Prestigious-Data1788 −  NTA it’s obvious she booked the flight to Barcelona intentionally and there’s nothing wrong with distancing yourself from her during this trip, it’s your honeymoon after all. totally not blaming you, but your mistake was telling her your plans while knowing how c**ngy she can be

spacey_a −  I anticipate that she will want to spend some time with us while we are there and can foresee her feeling offended if we don’t. Dude. Just let her be upset. Let her be offended. Because she HAS done something wrong. And she knows it.

Tell your other friend they’re welcome to invite her to their next honeymoon, in fact if they’re already married why on earth didn’t they invite her to their first one? So rude of them, apparently. 😆 Nah, enjoy your honeymoon, don’t give that c**ngy friend (or her flying monkey friend) any more info on your flights, hotel, plans, etc.,

and if she asks you to meet up, just say “NO, I’m not interested, seeing as I’m on my honeymoon. Please do not ask again.” If she persists and whines about you not taking the time to just meet with her a little while since you’re both in the same place, tell her “we’ll be in the same place as you when we return from our honeymoon and you return from your separate vacation.

Please respect my space by not contacting me until then, as I am celebrating my new husband and our relationship, thank you!” Don’t respond again after that. Block her and the other friend if needed. This isn’t about them, but they’re trying so hard to make sure it is.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Her clinginess is unhealthy and kind of disturbing. This is your honeymoon meant to be shared with your husband so you definitely have the right to stand up for yourself. I know this may be inconvenient but I would go somewhere else and not tell her.

Should the bride-to-be apologize for setting boundaries, or is her request to take separate flights a reasonable way to protect the intimacy of her honeymoon? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!