AITA for calling my girlfriend disgusting and telling her she should be ashamed when she was crying?

A Reddit user recounts a tense moment with his girlfriend when he found her crying over her daughter’s lack of popularity in high school. Despite his love for the girl and appreciation for her individuality, he was taken aback by his girlfriend’s harsh words about her daughter, which led him to confront her. Instead of receiving sympathy for her distress, the user ended up calling her disgusting and suggesting she should be ashamed of her attitude.

‘ AITA for calling my girlfriend disgusting and telling her she should be ashamed when she was crying?’

I’m a 40 year old man and my girlfriend of a year is 38. She has a daughter from a previous partner who is 14 and a freshman in high school. I went over there yesterday to find my girlfriend crying. I tried to figure out what was going on and where I can help when she told me she was crying about her daughter and how she is doing in school.

I love her daughter. She is the sweetest girl ever. I wish my daughters were as well behaved as her. I have to describe her daughter. She has a nice friend group, does not have trouble with bullies, and generally seems very happy. I bet you’re wondering why her mother would be crying if this was the case.

Her mother/my girlfriend was crying because her daughter is not the popular athlete cheerleader homecoming queen that she was in school. Her daughter marches to the beat of her own drum which I think is the best anyone can hope for. Yes she’s a little bit dorky. But her own mother referred to her as a L**ER during this crying fit.

She’s very into anime(her and some friends actually started an anime club at their school), Pokémon and video games. Most of her wardrobe is black t shirts with anime or video game characters on them. Again, she’s a happy kid. She’s got her social circle who all have similar interests. It’s just not the circle her mom wishes she was in.

Here are some quotes from her during this that turned me red: “I never would have imagined my daughter would be a d**eb” “she needs to grow out of this before college” and my personal favorite “I wouldn’t have been caught dead with kids that look like that” I called her disgusting and told her she should be ashamed of herself.

I said her daughter is happy and how would she feel to hear her mom crying about her perceived popularity. I told her how lucky she has it that her daughter doesn’t deal with a lot of the issues kids that days have. This ends with her being upset with me because instead of consoling her when she was crying, I called her names. I don’t think the crying means anything. She was saying horrible things.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Invisibleamber −  Nta. Not gonna lie I had my mind made up when I read the title but her words are absolutely disgusting. Having a happy, healthy child is what her focus should be, not her popularity. Don’t ignore her words though, she’s just shown her true colours.

yellowjacket1996 −  This doesn’t feel like a 40 year old man wrote it

desolation29 −  NTA OP, calling your girlfriend disgusting is not only NOT going too far, in my opinion it doesn’t go far enough to describe her hateful attitude towards her daughter. Cheers to you OP (THE BOYFRIEND) for accepting, supporting, and loving this child more than her ACTUAL MOTHER!

Make sure the daughter knows this because I feel like it’s only a matter of time before her own mother starts b**lying her and trying to force her to be an exact copy of what she was in high school, if she hasn’t already done so. I mean for crying out loud, this woman seems more focused on treating her daughter like she’s a trophy child than as her daughter, and that’s just deplorable.

originalannillusion −  She ***was*** saying horrible things. What sort of decent human is so superior and dehumanizing to their own child?. You are NTA

The__Riker__Maneuver −  INFO. Have you just been ignoring a bunch of Red Flags for a year? There’s no way you haven’t previously noticed that your girlfriend is superficial and immature….to the point where she would talk s**t about her own daughter. Do us all a favor and wait for this post to get more responses and then show it to your girlfriend.

WhizzoButterBoy −  NTA. Sounds like your girlfriend is still mentally in high school. And she’s still a mean girl … edited to correct the relationship to girlfriend … not wife …

ProfessionalGold2819 −  NTA!!! I have a daughter who is the same way. I was devastated as a mother when she was 5 and not wanting to do dance classes. BUT- I have learned to enjoy what she enjoys, because I will lose connection with her if I don’t. She is her own person. So is your GF’s daughter.

You were right to bring to her attention that SHE was being in the wrong. Expectations are a horrible thing. You cannot live out your dreams through your children. It’s not fair to them at all, and only causes you to feel miserable.

Big-Tumbleweed2299 −  NTA – poor girl has an AH for a mother.

Neat-Cardiologist442 −  NTA. It was an awful thing she said about her daughter and that behaviour should be corrected.

traveler9born −  Let’s be honest. This post was not written by a 40 year old man. F**e.

Was the user justified in calling out his girlfriend for her hurtful comments, or did he go too far in his response? How should we balance support for loved ones with standing up against harmful attitudes? Share your thoughts below!