AITA for telling my friend is it pathetic that she can’t drive and at this point she needs to get over it ?

A Redditor reflects on their frustration with a close friend who, despite having a driver’s license, refuses to drive due to a deep-seated fear of driving. After repeatedly driving her to various places, the Redditor confronts her about her dependence, suggesting it’s time for her to overcome her fears.

This comment leads to a rift in their friendship, leaving the Redditor questioning whether their tough love approach was justified. Read the original story below to explore the complexities of supporting a friend while feeling burdened.

‘ AITA for telling my friend is it pathetic that she can’t drive and at this point she needs to get over it.’

I may 100 percent be the a**hole here. I have a friend who is 22 and she has her license but she can not drive, she is terrified of driving. The driving videos of crashes and her parents being stress when teacher her really messed her up. She got her license and then never drove again.

Anyway she needs driven everywhere, we are in the USA driving is pretty important. Usually I am fine with picking her up and driving her but I am so tired of it. If we go out since I am the one driving I can’t have a drink, I have to pay for more gas, I have to figure out the route, if she is late we’ll I am late, my complaints go on and on.

She was complaining to me about not going anywhere, I reminded her she has a car she could use and she does have a license. I heard the whole spill of how it’s so dangerous and I told her it’s getting old. I said I can’t be driving you everywhere. At this point it is pathetic and she needs to get over it. She hasn’t talked to me since and thinks I am an ass. 

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Ok-Context1168 −  NTA. I think it’s funny that she said she can’t drive because it’s dangerous but it’s not dangerous when you drive her everywhere. Make that make sense.
I have heard that people can be really anxious or scared of driving and therapy helps. Or she needs to consider ubers and public transpo.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She needed to hear that. She needs to get over it or accept she’ll just stay home. If it’s dangerous for her to drive it’s also dangerous for her to be driven. She’s not e**itled to being driven around.

YouthNAsia63 −  You aren’t your friends personal driver. A professional gets *paid*. She can drive her car or call a taxi or uber or move to town where there is public transport or *call somebody else* to haul her around. NTA for feeling taken advantage of. It’s ok to say “no”.

[Reddit User] −  EDIT: okay geez, changing to ESH. She is an AH for making you late, not contributing to gas and overall not seeming grateful, but you also crossed a line by calling her pathetic for her fear. I mean, you’re partially right, but you were a real d**k about it.

If she’s terrified of driving *then she should not be behind the wheel because she will put herself and others at risk*. You absolutely don’t have to drive her everywhere but you have no right to insult her. I would apologize but stand but explain how it affects you being her cab. Either she contributes to gas or she needs to find an alternative method of transportation

healermoonchild −  Mild YTA for the way you said it and for calling her pathetic. You can’t force people to do things if they don’t want to. You can’t force her to drive and she can’t force you to drive her either. But NTA when it comes to not wanting to be in charge of driving someone all the time plus being stuck with the cost of gas.

You don’t have to say yes to driving her everywhere. You can also limit the times you drive her or not drive her at all. Once her personal chauffeur is not around and she needs to go places, she might get in her car and drive. Also, a solution when going out is to get an Uber.

Tell her you would like to have a drink or two and share the cost of the uber. Some people will never be able to drive though. My aunt has been using her family as chauffeurs or riding the bus for over 20 years. She’d rather work with a bus schedule (one bus every 2 hours) than drive independently.

ENDER5045 −  She’s using you, if she has an irrational fear of driving she can call Ubers, nta

[Reddit User] −  ESH. She’s been taking advantage of you and restricting your fun without thinking of you. And what will she do when you move away if you’re her primary driver? But it sounds like this issue is serious enough she needs actual therapy for it, and you’re shitting on her for it. That’s a d**k move.

[Reddit User] −  NAH. I think you could have been kinder toward her; this fear of driving seems like something she should be discussing with a therapist. There’s being apprehensive about going on the road and then there’s avoiding it entirely. But I understand the strain it puts on you and you’re not at all required to continue being her chauffeur.

p1nktreesz −  NTA. If she is *that* scared to drive-how did she pass the test to get a drivers license? Why doesn’t she give you gas money? If you are the one driving her around-why is she sometimes late? She’s taking advantage of you.

KronkLaSworda −  You are her taxi service, not her friend. NTA to stop driving her anywhere. Let her get an Uber or taxi and start meeting you places. She’ll get tired of the expense and be forced to drive herself.

Do you think the Redditor was wrong to express their frustration about their friend’s driving fears, or was their honesty necessary for her growth? How would you handle a situation where a friend’s fears start to impact your friendship? Share your thoughts below!