AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop knitting so much?

A Redditor finds himself in a dilemma as he navigates his girlfriend’s knitting obsession. While he initially admired her passion, he becomes increasingly frustrated by her constant crafting during their time together, feeling it distracts her from being present. After expressing his desire for more physical connection and attention during their TV time, the conversation takes a turn, leading her to label him an a**hole.

To explore this tension between hobbies and relationships, read the original story below:

‘‘ AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop knitting so much?’

My (30M) girlfriend (27F) is really into knitting and has been long before we started dating 3 months ago. At first it didn’t bother me and I thought it was cool she had a hobby but then I realized just how much she does it.

Granted, she’s not pulling out the knitting hook at dinner or anything but it seems anytime we’re watching TV together or just hanging out at her place she’s always working on some project. She said she needs to keep her hands busy and it’s like fidgeting for her, but I severely doubt that she can be fully present. You don’t have to pay attention when you fidget and she literally always jokes that she doesn’t know how to count.

She claimed it’s not all the time… but it’s definitely more often than not. She argued that she can follow TV show plots just fine but when I quizzed her on some details she couldn’t answer some of the questions sooo… I think my point stands. Then she said “If it’s an important conversation I obviously put my work down” but I think we have different definitions of what important means.

I also told her I would like to be able to cuddle and physically interact with her during TV time. She said we can still cuddle but it’s literally not the same? I want her to be interested in me, not some pile of yarn. This might be petty but I think I might feel better about it if she knitted things for me, but it always seems to be bags or clothes for herself or like random squares. She did make a pretty cute toy for my dog though, that was actually nice.

Anyway I sat her down the other day and told her my perspective, and instead of being willing to compromise, she told me that I’m the one that’s not listening to her and essentially called me an a**hole. She’s a great girl and I don’t want to lose her over this but also not sure what to do. AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Stunning-Profit8876 −  YTA. You absolutely can knit while maintaining concentration on other things, with the possible exception of any awkward or fiddly bits. Normal knitting just requires a rhythm to be kept. Leave her alone.

Nessie51 −  YTA. Get over yourself, your girlfriend has a hobby and it’s a healthy one, why change it?

Cocoasneeze −  YTA. You sounds incredibly s**fish and self centered. You’d be OK with her knitting if it was something she was doing for YOU, but because she’s not, she has to have her full undivided attention on YOU, at all times. You actually quizzed her about a TV show and her, according to you, not paying enough attention to the TV show. Pitiful.
I’ve read a lot jealousy stories on here, but this is the first time ever I’ve read about someone being jealous of a ball of yarn.

Realistic-You9997 −  YTA – for 2 things:
1 – she’s allowed to do her hobby, it does NOT affect you !
2 – it’s knitting if she’s using needles.
It’s crochet if she’s using a hook. Shows how much you truly pay attention to what is important to her.

Odd-Rice- −  Yes YTA. She’s correct that you can knit as a background fidget. It becomes automatic if you’re doing simple rows like squares and it’s easy to watch TV or have a relaxing conversation while doing so. Sounds like she wants to watch TV to relax and knitting helps with that. You want to watch TV to follow every detail and do a pop quiz afterwards. To each their own.

You asked for more cuddles, she’s offered more cuddles. Where’s your compromise? You knew she knitted when you started dating her. It’s clearly important to her. She’s even made a cute toy for your dog. Expecting her to drop a long held habit or to make that habit about you (after a *three month* relationship no less!) is an a**hole move. Shocked at your age as well, this behaviour sounds like a nerdy 19 y/o still figuring things out.

Ma-Hu −  INFO: This might be petty but I think I might feel better about it if she knitted things for me. Have you asked her to make you something?.

Edited: Honestly, my judgement was decided when I read this:  I quizzed her on some details she couldn’t answer some of the questions sooo… I think my point stands. but I wanted to ask and see what OP meant by “compromise”. Seems like it’s for his girlfriend to give up doing something she finds very relaxing and enjoyable and “…be interested in me…”

YTA. Get over yourself. Quizzing her over a tv show…ffs.

WhiteJadedButterfly −  YTA, are you feeling insecure because your gf shares her attention with yarn? Lol. Do you want her to concentrate on tv show details or do you want to cuddle? Or maybe you’re just jealous she’s not making anything for you.

neophenx −  She’s had a hobby since LONG before meeting you and you expect her to drop it just cuz you want some skin-time. Yeah YTA on this one. Lots of people have a kind of mental itch to keep their hands busy, and if the worst of it is they don’t 100% follow every minute detail of the tv show that’s on, is it REALLY that important?

leelee90210 −  You’re choosing to date someone who knits buts trying to change them YTA.

Rowanever −  Dear Reddit, My girlfriend has a hobby that doesn’t revolve around me. She makes more money than me. In other words, she doesn’t constantly make me feel like the centre of her world. This really bothers me for reasons that I’m not interested in exploring, but are definitely her fault. But you haven’t heard the worst part. Sometimes she watches a TV show with me and **can’t answer my 20-question quiz afterwards with 100% accuracy**. It’s gotta be the knitting (sic) because why else would she lack concentration on my favourite shows? Clearly they’re objectively awesome!

Could I possibly be the arsehole??? YTA dude – geez. Go find someone who wants n**dy, c**ngy, and insecure. Or, y’know, work on your issues so you become the person she obviously thinks you have the potential to be.

Do you think the user was justified in asking his girlfriend to cut back on knitting during their time together, or should he be more supportive of her hobby? How would you approach a situation where a partner’s passion feels like a distraction? Share your thoughts in the comments below!