AITA for throwing away a hostess gift and asking my SIL if she can’t listen ?

A Reddit user shares their frustration about repeatedly hosting family dinner parties and dealing with a sister-in-law (SIL) who insists on bringing food despite being asked not to.

In the latest incident, the user decided to throw away the hostess gift of cornbread and sparked a confrontation that led to an argument. Was the Redditor justified, or was their reaction too harsh? Read the story below and decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for throwing away a hostess gift and asking my SIL if she can’t listen’

My family have allergies, one night where the don’t have to worry and can eat everything is great I am so frustrated, I host big dinner parties once a season. The whole family comes down and it is usually a great time. My brother is now married and he bring his wife along.

I’m not besties with her, we are just polite to each other. Now the first invite she asked what she should bring and I told her nothing, just show up and have a good time. Well she brought food. I thought she was just being polite and I reiterate to not bring food since if throws off the menu I made and I don’t know what’s in it and some relatives have allergies.

You would think problem was solved, nope. Next time she brought more food. I told her again to not bring anything and if she really wants to bring a hostess gift bring wine. We had our summer dinner and before that she asked what’s wines would be good for dinner.

I told her a white wine and told her again she doesn’t have to bring anything just being here is a great. Please don’t bring food. I assumed she would bring wine which would be fine. She shows up with cornbread. I was so done at this point that when she was with the others I threw it away and just moved on with the night.

She noticed the cornbread wasn’t served and confronted me later in the night. I told her I threw it away and she got mad at me. We got into an argument about how I should be grateful I am helping her out and me asking if she can’t listen, since children can do it but apparently she can’t. She called me a j**k and my brother is mad at me.
I don’t get why I should be grateful since she is causing that problem and f**king up my menu.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Willing-Round9851 −  ‘Hey don’t bring drugs into my home. I don’t like that.’ ‘Hey don’t bring a**oholic beverages because we have a sober attendant we want to make comfortable.’ ‘Hey don’t bring food to help minimize allergies as well as me having made enough food.’

‘Don’t bring your dog, we have allergies but also don’t want to deal w any potential issues.’ All valid requests. And for anyone to ignore them for their own self righteous behavior is f**king stupid. If I were you I would’ve told her she no longer can come if she won’t stop disrespecting me after I gave her chances and alternatives.. NTA (edited)

FreijaVanir −  NTA. Everybody seems to gloss over the fact that people at the table have allergies. Did you make it clear to your SIL that this is the case? What if someone eats something wrong, gets sick, or worse?

freyesphinx −  NTA. If you constantly host these parties, and every single time, you have to repeatedly ask your sister-in-law not to do one thing and yet every time she does that one thing anyways, of course you’re going to react.

I mean, you literally even told her how to help if she really wanted to and she completely disregarded what you said about bringing wine. I don’t agree with throwing away perfectly good food like that but I understand how it reached the point of you being like, “f**k it.” Maybe next time she’ll listen.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair for people to call you an AH because they don’t see an issue with someone bringing a dish. You have an issue with and you’ve expressed that clearly. You’re the one who’s put in the work of hosting these dinner parties, cooking, cleaning, planning, hosting, etc., and have made it a tradition. If you don’t want other people bring food then they should accept that. If SIL can’t then she should just not come instead of trying to do it anyways.

KronkLaSworda −  NTA. She f’ed around and found out. 3 times she was told to bring nothing, 3 times she brought something. She can host her own gatherings if she wants to show off her cooking skills.

GrapeGatsby23 −  NTA. This is a super passive-aggressive move on her part to get you to comply with what she wants at your home rather than what you want in your home.
Throw it away or give it to charity. If the elater, have the charity show up WHILE she is there.

Meet passive-aggressive with aggressive-aggressive or it will never stop. Bullies never back down until you make them. Either she accepts how you handle what she brings when asked repeatedly not to or she can not come…

Froodychick −  Well, I’m going against the flow and saying NTA. I think you would be TA if you had not already asked her several times not to bring food. OP stated that family members have allergies, and it could be due to allergies or in sensitivities to food that OP is concerned about as well as her menu.

I have several family members that can not tolerate dairy, so if you bring something with dairy in it and they don’t know it could really be a problem. Also, the sister-in-law asked what to bring, and the OP suggested wine, and yet that woman insisted on bringing food again.

This is the third time she’s done it even after being asked not to. Admittedly I would not throw out corn bread as I love cornbread and you couls send it home with her. However, I would be highly pissed if I’ve explained my reasoning to somebody to not bring food to a party, but they insist on doing what they want. Remember, the sister-in-law is guest- not a co-host! You follow what your host is requesting if you want to be a good guest.

katbelleinthedark −  NTA simply because you’ve repeatedly told her NOT to bring anything and she refuses to listen. It would have been better to save the bread and tell SiL that you will give it to neighbours or sth. No need to throw food out, but I understand the frustration.

BlaiveBrettfordstain −  NTA because your family has allergies and you want one night when everyone can enjoy themselves without worrying or having to ask: is there x in this? Is there any risk in this? That’s sweet of you, and mean of her to insist in bringing stuff that could be a problem. What’s her problem, is she one of those people who don’t believe in allergies??

keesouth −  NTA. You’ve told her time and time again not to bring food. It’s not a gift at this point it’s a burden she continues to try and force on you.

Cpt_Riker −  NTA. As you say, children can understand, but she can’t.. Stop inviting her.

Do you think the Redditor’s reaction to throwing away the hostess gift was justified, given the ongoing issue? Was it fair to ask the sister-in-law to stop bringing food, or did the situation escalate unnecessarily? Share your thoughts and how you might handle a similar conflict in the comments below!