AITA for sending my son to his father’s house in ratty clothes?

A mom shares custody of her son 50/50 with her ex, who wanted this arrangement to avoid paying child support. However, when the son stays with his father, he often returns wearing his younger stepbrother’s clothes instead of his own.

After repeatedly washing and returning the swapped clothes, the mother got fed up and demanded all of her son’s clothing back. When the issue persisted, she started sending her son to his father’s house in old, worn clothes.

Now, the ex and his wife are upset, saying it makes them “look poor” and forces them to buy clothes, but the mom argues they should be doing that anyway since they share custody. Her son is now happier, having his own nice clothes with her.

‘ AITA for sending my son to his father’s house in ratty clothes?’

I have my son 50% of the time. It’s the way my ex wanted so he didn’t have to pay child support. We live in the same neighborhood so it isn’t really a big deal. Our houses are only ten blocks apart. My ex has remarried and has a stepson that is two years younge than our sin but about the same size.

The problem is that my son has been coming home wearing clothes that are more suited to a younger boy. When his clothes get dirty, instead of washing them or giving them.back to me dirty, they dress him in his stepbrother’s clothes. I was nice and I would wash them and send them back and dress my son in his clothes.

After a few months if this I gave up. He wore his brand new Minecraft t-shirt over and came home with a plain t-shirt. I went over and asked for all of my son’s clothes that they had. I waited while they collected everything. They brought it out to the car and said I was being an a**hole because they are brothers and it is normal to share clothes.

I started sending my son there in only his ratty clothes. Torn jeans, stained shirts. That sort of thing. Now they are mad because “it looks like they are poor” and they are having to buy him clothes. Since he has 50% custody he is supposed to be doing that anyways. My son is happier because he has nice clothes here and there now.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Accomplished_Owl1210 −  My son is happier because he has nice clothes here and there now. And that’s all that really matters.. NTA

FloofyKnitter −  NTA. I have seen this so many times, both in my friends’ families and when I did family law work. Parent A buys child clothes, Parent B keeps them and sends child back with beat up clothes.

Sometimes Parent B deliberately keeps the nicest stuff so child looks good when Parent B takes them places, and Parent A has to buy more or be one-upped. Parent B never buys clothes for child, despite an equal obligation, and relies on Parent A to supply everything.

This particularly happens when child outgrows winter outerwear and needs boots/coats/snowpants.You are under no obligation to send your child in “nice” clothes, or contribute to the wardrobe of his step brother.

A lot of not great coparenting situations tend to end up with kids having separate wardrobes for each house because one mooches or is untrustworthy.

DesertSong-LaLa −  “My son is happier.” — That’s the golden outcome – NTA. Using the clothes you buy for his brother was not limited to one tshirt w/a graphic the brother liked; it was several items over time which is entitlement: Obtaining and keeping something the parents did not buy. Don’t cave to their guilt trip. Best to you!

No_Career5209 −  NTA. Me and my ex share 50/50 custody of our child and I don’t send the newest or nicest clothes to his house as I want them for at mine and he does the same. We both buy clothes and keep the ones we like most at our respective homes. You’ve done nothing wrong

PolackMike −  NTA. We have this issue with my wife’s ex. The way we work it is that the clothes that we drop off the kids in, is what we pick them up in. They go over there wearing Outfit A, he washes outfit A when they are at his house and they come to our house in Outfit A. The same works in reverse.

Excellent_Magazine84 −  NTA- you are not there to subsidise the step kid

Silly_Raspberry_2911 −  Nope NTA…. My ex does this same thing with my kid…I stopped sending her in her good clothes and actually make it a point to make her change after school into something else before I drop her off….

Ex SHOULD provide her clothing, toiletries, and all her needs while she is there.Not sure what state you’re in but you can challenge the child support in certain states. Our custody is 50/50 legally but because of the physical split my ex still had to pay CS. Tho I agreed to half what the court would have ordered.

PhilosopherInside956 −  NTA. Your responsibility is to clothe your child, not provide a sharing closet for your exs step child.

Glitter_Voldemort −  I was being an a**hole because they are brothers and it is normal to share clothes. Nope, NTA. Sharing clothes may be normal – *with consent* – but what they were doing wasn’t sharing. They were stealing your son’s nice clothing to outfit the stepson, and you were subsidizing said stepson’s wardrobe.

Now they are mad because “it looks like they are poor” and they are having to buy him clothes .Since he has 50% custody he is supposed to be doing that anyway Nah, they’re mad because you caught on and put a stop to their theft.. My son is happier. That’s all that matters. Good job!

Suspicious-Dog-5048 −  NTA. My mom did the same after my dad pulled that stunt. Sometimes you just have to get creative

Do you think the mom’s solution was fair, or could the situation have been handled differently? Was it right to send him in old clothes, or should the father have been more responsible from the beginning? Let’s discuss in the comments!