AITA for telling my friend is was too damn bad she was uncomfortable?

A personal assistant who attends events for work was given two opera tickets, including access to a private pre-show cocktail party with a more traditional crowd. Since her fiancé was away, she invited her friend Sara to join.

When Sara showed up in a bright pink, short “club dress,” the OP warned her that it might not suit the event’s vibe and offered her another outfit, but Sara declined. During the party, Sara felt out of place, clung to the OP, and repeatedly asked her to leave early.

Frustrated, the OP told Sara it was “too damn bad” she felt uncomfortable, as leaving early could hurt her reputation and job prospects. Sara ended up staying but later expressed anger, saying the OP didn’t prioritize her comfort. A mutual friend also chimed in, accusing the OP of being uncaring, leaving her wondering if she handled things poorly.

‘ AITA for telling my friend is was too damn bad she was uncomfortable?’

I work as a kind of personal assistant/art handler & organizer to an individual with an extensive collection. It’s an interesting job and I get a lot of opportunities for new experiences and invitations to events.

My boss and I do not have the same tastes in art – he’s an older, very traditional guy and that reflects in the events I get invited to/the people that I’m interacting with at these events. We have a world famous opera in our city and I was gifted two tickets to the opera last weekend, with an invitation to attend a pre show cocktail party in a private area.

This was not a work event for me but still a networking opportunity and a gift from my boss’s personal friend. My fiancé was visiting family so I invited my friend Sara to join me. She arrived at my house Saturday afternoon to get ready with me. She had brought a dress to wear that I didn’t think she should.

It was very pretty but more like a club dress than an event dress, bright pink and very short. And our opera is known for a “no dress code, just be fabulous” approach so it was fine for the venue itself but I knew the pre party was going to be an older, more “traditional opera dress” crowd (I wore a deep green floor length dress, for reference).

I offered her the option of choosing something out of my closet and told her that I thought she might be uncomfortable at the party because of the type of group they were but she wanted to wear that dress so I didn’t push it. At the party, most of the attendees didn’t seem interested in engaging with her and while outwardly polite,

it did feel like they were equally uncomfortable with her presence as she was being there. She stayed next to me the whole time which was fine but she was sullen and kept grabbing my arm to whisper in my ear that we should leave.

After the 3rd time Sara pulled me out of a conversation and told me she wanted us to leave the party, I got irritated and told her it was too damn bad that she was uncomfortable, I warned her.

There’s two bars out in the public area, she could go hang out there and I’d join her in an hour for the show but I couldn’t leave yet without looking bad. I might not have been “working” but I accepted the invitation and now my behavior here reflects on my boss and that ultimately affects my job regardless of it not being officially work.

Sara stayed at the party instead and eventually it was over and we attended the show. She didn’t speak to me at all on the drive home and texted me after I dropped her off that she was upset by the way I had treated her and that I should have left when she wanted.

I think that’s unfair, I talk about my job all the time and she knows very well what expectations are placed on me at these events and how I am expected to act. I tried to tell her but obviously I wasn’t going to force her to change?

But she’s still mad and a mutual friend is guilting me for “not caring” about Sara’s comfort and im starting to feel a little bad and idk, AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  NTA – fair warning was given prior to the event as well as an opportunity to change attire. That being I don’t know the extent of the warning given, perhaps a bit more detailed explanation should be given next time to ensure the individual in question knows exactly what might occur.

Sometimes communicating a warning doesn’t match the level of internal concern due to not wanting to insult the person resulting in them not thinking too much about it and it may be possible that was the case. Her feelings are somewhat justified as it sucks being judged like that. But as mentioned, you’re NTA here.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. You were treating this as a networking opportunity. Sarah was treating it as a party, in spite of your telling her that it was important to you said opportunity. Her discomfort was a direct result of her decision to not dress appropriately. === Also, she comes off as being ungrateful for the tickets.

Content-Plenty-268 −  NTA. Sara came as your *guest* to what she knew was a career-related function for you. She insisted on dressing inappropriately when advised against it, and her repeated demands that you leave because she was as uncomfortable as you told her she would be were immature and self-absorbed.

So was her refusal to retreat to an area where she might be more comfortable and let you finish working the room. So is her sulking and involving another friend, who wasn’t there, knows only her side of the story, and should STFU instead of getting in the middle. I predict you’ll find yourself outgrowing friends like Sara in about 5… 4… 3… 2…

EmpressJainaSolo −  NTA. What sort of Devil Wears Prada friends do you have? You made clear this was an older crowd and that her dress would make her stick out. You informed her it was a networking event even if you were technically off the clock.

Perhaps she’s not as familiar with these type of not work work interactions and truly didn’t understand the subtext but I think you made yourself clear about what the night was going to be like. She should have excused herself and went to the general bar if she wasn’t able to enjoy the party.

OhioGirl22 −  NTA… The rule of event dressing is to know your audience. You warned her of this and she chose to not heed your warning. On top of not heeding, she then chose to show her discomfort instead of opting for the Mae West approach and just owning the look.

KronkLaSworda −  She should have listened to the advice on the dress, and she could have gone to one of the bars and let you be. You were networking. This is her problem. NTA

FeistyMuttMom −  NTA, if someone warns you you’re dressed inappropriately for the venue you change. I wouldn’t wear heels to a hike.

demon803 −  NTA, if sara was so uncomfortable due to her own fault, she could have called an uber to take her home.

KingdomKey10 −  INFO: did you actually tell her beforehand specifically what kind of people/event this was going to be or did you just imply that her dress “might not fit in”

Backgrounding-Cat −  NTA no more free tickets for Sara or anyone defending her. It’s better to go alone than take a risk with potentially misbehaving friend

Should the OP have left the party to support Sara, or was it reasonable to prioritize her professional reputation? Was the warning she gave Sara enough to set expectations? Let’s talk in the comments!