AITA for telling this college guy’s mom that her coming into his interview cost him the job?’
A hiring manager shares an awkward interview experience with a 19-year-old college student. During the virtual interview, the student’s mother repeatedly interrupted, introducing herself and answering questions for him, despite polite attempts to redirect the conversation.
Though the student showed promise, his mother’s interference became a red flag, leading the hiring manager to cut the interview short. Later, the mother emailed and called, demanding answers about her son’s rejection. When the hiring manager explained that the mother’s involvement disqualified the student, she exploded in anger.
Now, the manager wonders if they mishandled the situation by being too honest.
‘ AITA for telling this college guy’s mom that her coming into his interview cost him the job?’
I am a hiring manager at a tech company and I was hiring for summer internships a little while ago. We had a guy, about 19 years old, applying for a summer internship between his freshman and sophomore years of college. It was a virtual interview over Zoom because of covid.
A minute or two in, when I was introducing myself, his mom came in and introduced herself and started talking about her son’s work ethic. I thought it was a little strange. I said something polite about wanting to hear from him.
She just didn’t get the hint and kept coming into camera frame during the interview and interrupting her son to answer questions for him. I asked a few technical questions which he seemed to answer well and then cut the interview fairly short.
I thought that was all over and done with until I’d gotten an email from a woman, a month later, asking about her son’s application, she seemed offended he hadn’t gotten an acceptance or r**ection. It bothered me, I felt bad for the kid honestly.
Wayyy back when I was a teenager, my mom used to pull the same s**t, but luckily she only did that when I was 15 and working for a day-camp, not when I was an adult applying for engineering jobs. But I felt like this poor kid was getting his chances ruined because his mom wasn’t giving him the chance to apply on his own.
I sent an email back saying I was not at liberty to send information about an application to anybody but the applicant. I also asked HR to send an email to the kid saying sorry but we were not making him an offer. (It is something we usually do, but his r**ection email must have slipped through the cracks with all the Covid craziness.)
Anyway, after we sent that, I got a phone call from his mom, she had a forwarded copy of the email, and she was demanding answers. I said that I could not comment on the guy’s performance in the interview to her as she was not the applicant. If he wanted to reach out to me I was happy to give him some feedback.
However, I could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. We were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc.
I also said that, as a piece of advice, every hiring manager I’ve met in my career who sees someone other than the applicant answering questions during an interview, following up on the applicant’s behalf, etc… Would also put their resume in the “do not hire” pile.
Since, while the applicant may be skilled and motivated, they need the ability to demonstrate those traits themselves. She f**king blew up at me over that, kinda cussing me out to the point where I hung up. AITA for how I handled this? Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut way earlier
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Cat_got_ya_tongue − NTA. It’s probably better for the kid you told her directly, seeing as she clearly does not respect him enough to believe him if he disclosed she cost him the job.
She snapped at you because you gave her feedback that painted her in a poor light and she thought she did her son a wonderful favour. You’re probably the first person in a while to stand up to her.
thegoldenratio011235 − NTA. Helicopter mom needed to be put in her place. Hopefully she learns. Sadly, while I think its s**tty someone gets put in the DNH pile for something like that; I can completely understand why. Hopefully the young man can solve that issue and get hired on somewhere.
FullmetalBlue13 − Bruh NTA. I feel so bad for that poor guy (not for the job per se, but for his controlling mum), but you just did your job and she deserved the cold shower (and a reasonable dose of humility).
scarfknitter − NTA. She needs to be told. Maybe her son has told her or not but someone outside her bubble needs to be told. I say this as someone who was in her son’s shoes. My dad would do the same stupid stuff. He would call about interviews and job applications.
He used to call out of work for me (if I sneezed on the phone or if he wanted to punish me or anything really, he’d call and say I wasn’t coming in) and do other stuff that would intentionally or not sabotage my work. I used to sneak around when applying for job interviews and internships just so he wouldn’t mess it up.
I long ago developed a policy of excluding both my parents from job stuff. My dad because he’d still do it no matter what and my mom because she will twll him anything I tell her. I’m in my 30s and they still can’t know anything about my jobs. Thank you for telling the mom and please consider also telling the son.
LancreWitch − NTA holy s**t what was she thinking!? Hopefully it eventually sinks in and she stops hovering over her adult son because it’s not going to do him any favours. That’s absolutely ridiculous.
[Reddit User] − NTA. This is a lawnmower parent. She hovers and attempts to mow down all obstacles in her son’s way. She needs to hear that, for his sake. I feel so badly for this kid. I hope he didn’t lose the job just because of her. If he did, though, it’s a hard lesson all the way around.
conipto − However, I could say that regardless of his performance, her presence in the interview took him out of consideration for the position. We were looking for an independent and self-driven person for the position, and for that reason, it is important to see an applicant speak for themselves, follow-up themselves, etc.
I am also a hiring manager in tech, and while generally you’re ok here, because of this line I’m quoting, a little bit TA here I think. Your evaluation of a candidate should be solely focused on the candidate, not on externalities out of their control.
If you’re even considering hiring a 19 year old, you should really know a healthy majority of them are still basically children. If you completely don’t think he’s qualified, all you needed was a carbon copy r**ection email, wipe your hands, and walk away – you gain nothing by even responding to his mother.
If you *did* think he was qualified, and ruled him out because his mother is a nutjob, that could have been better handled by using that same personal contact method you eventually rejected him by, and saying “I would like to interview you, but specifically, you alone.”
and then make a decision based on your perception of his fit for the job and talk to him directly about the issues you had with his mother and make it clear that won’t fly in your work place. You can’t say in one breath you want a self-driven person, and call it an internship in another.
Internships are all about healthy mutual gain, and the one thing that most people that age will get out of it (aside from some meager salary) is an understanding of what it’s like in the real work force and what responsibility means and start learning *how* to be self driven.
Your average Freshman or Sophomore in college has not driven themselves thus far, they have been directed, pointed, and groomed for an education they may not even know if they are sure they want. Whatever token project you throw them or busywork is unlikely to matter in their career, but the larger picture will.
magstar222 − NTA at *all* but sadly I doubt that your advice will do any good since she probably won’t tell her son what you said.
mgnrs − NTA- someone needed to tell her that and maybe coming for you she will take it seriously
CashieBashie − NTA nope it’s super unprofessional to allow mommy into your interview. You could have potentially emailed him with an opportunity to schedule a make up interview sans mommy, if you saw some potential talent there but you were in no way obligated.
Was the hiring manager justified in setting boundaries, or did they go too far by openly addressing the mother’s interference? How would you handle a situation like this? Join the discussion below!
