WIBTA for uninviting anyone who attended a winery day from my bridal shower and possibly wedding.
A Redditor (30F) is planning her wedding in a few months but has had ongoing issues with her fiancé’s sister (25F), who declined to be a bridesmaid and has been disrespectful at family events. After learning about a winery outing that excluded her, the Redditor feels hurt by the family’s apparent support of her sister-in-law.
She considers uninviting the entire family from her upcoming bridal shower, believing it will prevent further drama and that they don’t consider her part of the family. Her fiancé supports her decision, while her maid of honor warns that it could damage relationships with his family. Read the story below to see how the situation unfolds.
‘ WIBTA for uninviting anyone who attended a winery day from my bridal shower and possibly wedding.’
My fiancé (32M) and I (30F) are getting married in a few months we have been dating for 2 years. When we first starting dating his sister(25F) and I got along great, but when I asked her to be a bridesmaid she turned me down, I assume because she would not be the center of attention.
Everything spiraled from there and now we are pretty much NC with her. She is a b**t truth be told and created a ton of unnecessary drama. Some highlights were showing up with no gift to our engagement party and not saying a word to us, she ran into my brother in public and was extremally rude to him,
her and her boyfriend denied this happened and called my brother a l**r. Now she is no longer invited to the wedding. This summer we made an effort to see other members of his family so we have been spending our weekends meeting up for dinner with different members of his family. Naturally the issues with his sister come up.
I chose not to hold back and told them exactly what she did. I thought they should know how t**ic she is and decide for themselves if they want her in their lives. Yesterday I saw on Instagram one of my fiancé’s cousins posted a bunch of pictures from a girls wine day.
All his females aunts and cousins were there and of course his sister was there. I was so hurt that they wouldn’t even invite me. It felt like the pictures were posted specifically to make me feel bad and show that they took her side. I am supposed to be marrying into this family in a few months and they completely left me out.
I reached out to one of his aunts I thought I was close to and asked if my fiancé’s sister planned this, She said no it was another aunt. When I asked why I wasn’t invited she said it was because of the drama between me and fiancé’s sister, they didn’t want the day to be uncomfortable so chose to keep it to just family which hurt to hear that they don’t consider me family.
I asked her if they meant they all took her side, she claimed no one was taking sides and if I chose to take it that way it was up to me. I ended the phone call very upset.
My bridal shower is in a few weeks and I don’t want any of them there its for friends and family and obviously they don’t consider me family so they don’t need to be there.
I want no drama at my shower and only people who are happy for me and love me there. I am debating if I want them at the wedding but I will deal with that later. I have a mass email written up ready to send disinviting them from my shower, my fiancé is fine with it he can’t stand his sister and is angry with his family.
My MOH is trying to talk me out of sending it saying it will ruin my relationship with his family and my wedding and upset my MIL, but I think its already ruined..
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
MaIngallsisaracist − YTA. If drama is constantly following you around — and I bet it is! — YOU are the source of it. You can not have a relationship with your future SIL. You cannot, however, demand that everyone do the same.
Allaboutbird − YTA. You claim to not want drama but it sounds like you’re at the center of all of it. You “assumed” she turned you down when you asked her to be a bridesmaid because she won’t be the “center of attention”? That’s quite a judgment to make about someone you claimed to get along great with up to that point.
You took your brother’s word over hers about an encounter (with what proof?) You bad-mouthed her to her family. You assumed that pictures posted on social media were only there to make you feel bad (is everything about you?)
And now you want to go nuclear and disinvite a bunch of your fiance’s family members from your shower and possibly the wedding? There is one common denominator in all these issues and it’s not the sister.
Tacos-and-zonkeys − YTA. You are the center of the drama in your life, and I don’t think you are a very reliable narrator.
HeirOfRavenclaw − …..you’re not family? lol you haven’t married into this family, but you expect them to cut out the sister (who they have known presumably her entire life from birth until now) in favour of someone they met in the last two years?
You have no idea why she turned down the bridesmaid offer. You just decided it because “she wouldn’t be the centre of attention”. Like, what – you’re just adding assumptions and treating them as fact. “I felt like the pictures were posted specifically to make me feel bad and show me they took her side”. hahahaha this is such a crazy take.
They posted them for themselves, not to make you feel anything. You made a crazy play of it’s me or her, and are upset that her family didn’t reject their own in favour of you. Such a n**cissist.. Lol YTA. Get over yourself. You can disinvite them if you choose, it’s your wedding – but pretending you’re the victim here isn’t right.
Primary-Criticism929 − YTA. TBH, it sounds like you’re the only person creating drama here… You’ve been talking s**t about their cousin/niece all summer. Did you really expect them to welcome you into their family with open arms ? You sound very immature.
waitingforfrodo − YTA. So one of the highlights of her behavior was no engagement gift? You expected her family to side with you, which is so e**itled, it beggars belief.
Away_Refuse8493 − All his females aunts and cousins were there and of course his sister was there. I was so hurt that they wouldn’t even invite me. It felt like the pictures were posted specifically to make me feel bad and show that they took her side.
This is THEIR family, and unless other girlfriends/wives of the family men were there, then (a) this is their girl’s day and (b) it has nothing to do with you. Ok, BUT re: the sister – So something is missing here. WHY doesn’t your fiance’s sister like you? No one acts like this for no reason.
Your fiance has to know, and maybe hasn’t told you. It’s to the point where, ok, she’s uninvited and NO ONE – not your fiance, not his parents – has fought you on that. ?!?! What is the truth?.
My bridal shower is in a few weeks and I don’t want any of them there its for friends and family and obviously they don’t consider me family so they don’t need to be there. I want no drama at my shower and only people who are happy for me and love me there.
You’ve put together two completely unrelated things in your head, and YWBTA and become the automatic out-law, if you start pulling stunts like this. “Not being invited” to an event (especially one where you have open beef with one of the people in attendance, ahem the sister) is quite different than being “uninvited.”
Pauscha580 − YTA. You really need to have a conversation with SIL to find out why she turned you down before you go scorched earth with your future husbands entire family. DO NOT send that email or it may end up being the end of your wedding.
OrangeCubit − YTA – this reads like you are the source of all this drama. How many presents do you expect? And then you bad mouth and gossip about this girl to her own family and somehow expect them to take YOUR side? Some rando they just met. Why on earth would you ever expect them to take your side over hers?
You were the one trying to force people to take sides and you lost. This is just the expected consequences of your own behaviour.
PurpleMarsAlien − YTA. You’re trying to convince his family to exclude a family member for fairly petty reasons reasonable people wouldn’t have gone scorched earth over.
Calling someone t**ic because she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid (trust me, I don’t want to be a bridesmaid for anyone ever again at this point),
because of a disputed interaction with your brother, and because she didn’t bring a gift to an engagement party (you’re supposed to bring a gift to an engagement party? when did that become yet another gift grab?) is pretty over the top.
As for the winery weekend–well, you’re not part of the family yet. You attempted to establish yourself “in” the family by declaring his sister t**ic and uninviting her from your wedding over petty b**lshit. Duh, nobody wants to hang out with you. His sister may or may not be t**ic, but you’ve definitely proven that you are.
If your husband to be dislikes his sister, he should own that himself and take his consequences. Which will likely be losing his family.
Navigating family dynamics during wedding planning can be incredibly challenging, especially with pre-existing tensions. What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!
