AITA for snapping back when my friend’s boyfriend commented on my bikini?

A Reddit user recounts a vacation with friends where her friend’s boyfriend, Josh, made an inappropriate comment about her bikini. Known for his “brutal honesty,” Josh wolf-whistled and joked about choosing the wrong friend, prompting her to snap back, questioning why he thought he had any options.

While she felt justified, her friend Casey was upset, claiming she embarrassed them both. Despite the tension, the Reddit user believes she shouldn’t have to tolerate Josh’s disrespect. Read the story below to explore this situation further.

‘ AITA for snapping back when my friend’s boyfriend commented on my bikini?’

I (F29) am in a group holiday with my fiancé and three other couples. We are renting a big villa. This story concerns my friend Casey (30) and her boyfriend Josh (30).
For context, I don’t hate Josh, but he requires a firm approach.

He will try his “brutal honesty” stuff on you to see if you’ll let him get away with it, but once you show him you won’t put up with it, he calms down. That said, he’s prone to some stupid remarks. So, yesterday we were all having a relaxed day by the pool.

I came out of the house in my bikini and Josh wolf whistled and said “damn I really chose the wrong friend” loud enough for everyone to hear. Without missing a beat I turned to him and said “why are you acting like you had your pick of the litter? I would never have looked at you twice and you know it”.

Josh laughed off the comment and and went back to reading his book, but Casey pulled me inside and yelled at me for embarrassing her and Josh. She said what I said was demeaning and I basically called Josh u**y. I was pretty stunned because actually I think what happened was Josh called me a piece of meat.

We argued and I basically said that I wasn’t responsible for her boyfriend’s crass behaviour and went back outside. Casey is still giving me the cold shoulder, as well as the three people who told her she was overreacting. It’s making everything awkward.

I don’t think I’m in the wrong here but some of the group have said I was overly cutting with what I said, considering Josh was already out of line. Basically they said I joined him in the g**ter. My fiancé says both Casey and Josh are nut jobs.. Am I the one who took it too far?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

coppeliuseyes −  NTA. Josh objectified you and insulted Casey. She took her insecurities out on you probably because you’re a safer person to be mad with than he is.

JenAnt80 −  I’m sorry, did your friend miss the part where her boyfriend called her less hot than you and implying that he would toss her aside for you? She glossed over the diss at herself and prickled at the insult to him? How low is this woman’s self-esteem?. NTA . Josh left himself wide open for your response.

jrm1102 −  NTA – You’re right. Josh publicly objectified you and you put him in his place.

Allaboutbird −  NTA and it’s weird that Casey is mad at you for putting her boyfriend in his place instead of mad at her boyfriend for not only objectifying her friend, but also basically saying he finds you more attractive and “chose wrong.”

HappySummerBreeze −  In the process of putting him (deservedly) in his place, you overlooked what your glib words were actually saying. Let me tell you what your friend heard “ You’re not good enough for me, but someone with lower standards like Casey can’t do any better than you”

That’s not what you meant , but it can be interpreted that way. Go back to your friend and re-start. Tell her that although you don’t think you did anything wrong, her feelings are important to you, and if there’s something you’re missing or not understanding then you want to talk to her about it because she’s important to you.

“So tell me Casey, when Josh said he picked the wrong friend, how did you feel””?” … then if it’s appropriate ask her how she would have wanted you to respond to his comment. Really listen to her. Hopefully this will help re set your friendship.. NTA

Choice-Intention-926 −  She’s not upset about what you said. She is upset about what he said. He basically told everyone she is not as attractive as you and he wished he had a chance with you instead. Then you replied with you are not good enough for me best to stay with her. Whether or not it was a joke, that had to sting.. It’s all Subtext.

He embarrassed her. You compounded it. That’s the way she sees it. He objectified you. You put him in his place. That’s the way you see it. You are not an a**hole, but your friends feelings are still hurt. I would have a conversation with her about this. Josh is the a**hole. There was no need to force a comparison. A compliment would have sufficed.

Dittoheadforever −  You’re NTA. Josh said you are more attractive than Casey, and suggested he should have hooked up with you. You shot that down. And Casey is mad at you? Haha, she’s focusing her annoyance on the wrong person.

Legion27_1 −  Totally NTA. He had it coming , given that his own damn gf was there, your bf was frickin there and he said it loud enough to be heard. You replying was actually the best case scenario. If either your bf or his gf were jealous, it could’ve ended way worse.

Cool_Department_1027 −  NTA. Josh is, insulting his girlfriend with the comment. Casey’s just insecure and living out her hurt on you, tell her that. Noone likes to be the subject of such jokes, if I was Casey, I’d have dropped him that instant. Josh: “Damn I really chose the wrong friend.” Casey: “Ok, bro. Choose again then.”

Particular-Try5584 −  NTA. Casey is saying this is about you putting Josh down. Really Casey is b**t hurt because her BF keeps hitting on or making crude remarks to other women. Mutual friends are taking sides because that’s what groups do. Ask them what they’d have said instead… and let them ponder that. Then change the subject.

There’s no winners in the game Josh tried to get you into. This isn’t a ‘you’ problem, this is a ‘her’ problem. She should solve it. Date someone who isn’t commenting on others.

It’s tough to navigate boundaries in friendships, especially when someone crosses a line. What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!