AITA to tell my daughter not to be so n**dy?

A father has been married for 29 years and recently helped his 19-year-old daughter move into her college apartment. After assisting with the move, he expected to leave once their daughter settled in, but his wife wanted to help her decorate.

When the father expressed that their daughter didn’t need help, he questioned her neediness, suggesting that she should be more independent. After a tense goodbye with his daughter, where he emphasized the importance of self-reliance, she became upset, feeling that he ruined the moment.

His wife then criticized him, wishing he hadn’t come. Now, the father is reflecting on whether he was in the wrong for his comments about his daughter’s neediness.

‘ AITA to tell my daughter not to be so n**dy?’

I (55m) have been married to my wife (51f) for 29 years. We recently moved our 19 yo daughter into her college apartment. My wife had already helped move in the day before, and we had to help finish up the process. Upon arrival, we moved the boxes into her apartment. After we took all of her things in, I figured we were done.

My wife informed me that she was going to help our daughter unpack and get settled in. I asked how long it would take, and she told me about an hour. I waited in the living room as my wife and daughter unpacked. After an hour, I went in to see how much longer they would be, and my wife was busy helping our daughter decorate.

I politely said that our daughter didn’t need help with decorating, and that she had plenty of time to decorate the next day before classes started. My wife told me that she was going to help, and that since we didn’t have any other plans, time shouldn’t matter.

My wife does a lot for our kids, and I think that because they are young adults, they can do things for themselves. This is one of those cases. When it was time to leave, we drove our daughter to the music building, because she had an audition for vocal ensemble. My wife got teary eyed and gave her a hug goodbye.

I got out of the car and told my daughter that I didn’t mean to offend her, but what if something happened to either of her parents? What would she do? She needed to stop being so n**dy. My daughter got mad and said I ruined everything. My wife yelled at me and said that she wished I hadn’t even come. I walked away.

Finally, I got in the car, and we drove home in silence. AITA?

Lets dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Head-Drag-1440 −  YTA. It’s not about being n**dy. Obviously college kids can unpack and decorate themselves and she would if anything happened to her parents. It was about your wife spending more time with her before she stays at college. I feel you ruined the experience.

tifotter −  YTA. Why would you ruin your daughter’s send off? Helping her decorate is standard kid college drop off stuff. A trip to Target for essentials, a mini-fridge, some groceries, etc. Your wife wanted to help. Who are you to judge?

Do you have trouble when you’re not the center of attention? It sure sounds like it. Try shelving your main character energy for a moment and learn to be supportive.

OrangeCubit −  YTA – they are right, you ruined a nice time. Her memory of starting college will forever be her dad insulting her

[Reddit User] −  YTA obviously your daughter could decorate herself, your wife WANTED to help her because it’s fun and they’re spending time together, and her daughter is leaving the nest. Couldn’t you have just sat there on your phone and been quiet like a normal dad

KittySnowpants −  YTA. Your wife was parenting because she loves her daughter. Maybe you should try it.

Accomplished_Two1611 −  This was part of the process of your daughter’s transition to college. Had nothing to do with being n**dy. Kind of like a final thing for them to share. And you ruined it. YTA

GnomieOk4136 −  YTA. This wasn’t about her *needing* help. They were bonding. They were spending time together and enjoying each other’s company. You sat on your b**t in the other room instead of participating, then intentionally spoiled things for them. That sucks. If your wife didn’t want to help, she would have ducked out earlier. She enjoyed being with her daughter and being a part of her new life.

lurkingreader1 −  YTA, when I was 25 and moving into a new apartment I didn’t NEED my mom’s help, but I still appreciated and loved that she came to help and take me shopping for things like food and cleaning supplies etc. It was a bonding moment.

Your daughter wasn’t being n**dy, your wife was helping her and supporting like a good parent. Going off to college can be scary and having a parent help move, unpack, decorate,

etc can help ease some of the nerves and provides a good time to bond and be with each other for what may be several months (depending on how close you are to home). You ruined a perfectly normal and good time with your n**dy comment.

ahopskip_andajump −  Oh, holy crow! You took a bonding moment, one of your daughter’s firsts, and blew it out of the water because your fee fees were hurt from not being the center of attention. That was a great way to show, and tell, your daughter that she’s only important when it’s convenient for you.

This wasn’t a time that your wife was decorating because your daughter couldn’t, it was a time for them to share as a right of passage – daughter’s first place (her dorm room), being semi on her own, growing into womanhood and making her own decisions while getting her education.

And you turned it into…okay, so we’re here, your stuff is here, it’s been an hour, why are you still needing your mom to unpack, wife get in the car let’s go. Yes, YTA of epic proportions. BTW you do realize SHE will most likely be the one picking your nursing home, right? Don’t worry, your wife will be living with her and her family.

hammocks_ −  YTA do you even like your wife and daughter?

Did the father’s comments about his daughter’s neediness go too far, or was he simply trying to teach her independence? How important is it for young adults to find a balance between seeking help and being self-sufficient? Share your thoughts in the comments!